I would read stories of friends i know online, who foster and who are at real risk of losing the FC they love, and think how bad i feel for them and think "gosh i'm so glad thats not me."
Well, i guess now its me.
A little background: My foster son D was placed with me the first week of July of last year, as a 16 month old. He is 2.5 weeks younger than my son K, and they of course are super close and at this point like twins. At first, i thought he may go back to his dad (he was removed from his mother around 9 months old, into a FH for a month or maybe two, then placed with his dad for about six months or so, then removed and given to me. At this point i have had him longer than anyone else.) But in October the TPR trial started and the plan was for terminated both parents rights. In March, that happened. No appeal was granted and no relatives of the dad came forth to try to adopt. At that point it seemed to be a clear case for adoption by me.
D has an 8 yr old sister L. She has been in FC before, this is her third time. She was removed at the same time as D, was in a FH until i think around April then went to live with maternal relatives. They had her until they gave notice in Dec, and she was moved to another FH at that time, where she remains. The FP is leaving the agency but is keeping L until school is out in the middle of June.
Since at least December when the relatives gave notice, i have let the foster worker know that i wanted her, it was just a matter of having a big enough place. I was looking but not having much luck. Plus, i didnt really want to uproot us and move (incurring the expense of a larger home) if the kids werent TPR'd anyway. But the worker def. knew since early December that i was interested. The other FP was told (by the bmom) that i wanted L, from the beginning. When i heard the FP gave notice, i again told the SW i wanted L, and that since my son had decided to try living with his dad, i actually had an open bed and she could move in. SW said no, they would keep her there until June and had a real problem with the idea of her staying with me because of my son, even though he wasnt/isnt even living with me at this point.
Before TPR took place, i gave a heads up to my adoption worker to let her know i wanted both kids, that i was looking for a place, because i didnt want the foster unit to not let her know i was interested (and the foster sw didnt exactly seem supportive.) Fast fwd, rights are terminated, case gets transferred to adoptions. She said she had a list of relatives, but no one had called her back. She was giving them "until monday"...one turned out to be fictive and not an option (state said didnt have to consider her)...i wasnt too worried about these relatives, i figured the mom was just handing out possible names of people, and since no one was visiting L in foster care how serious could they be?
At that point, i was essentially the identified adoptive placement, L spent all of spring break with me, and we were to begin weekend visits with transition happening in June. I am in the process of updating my homestudy.
Well, one of the relatives DID call back on the last possible day, says she wants L and since they will be placing the kids together, she'll take D too. (he has NEVER even met her!) That she had asked for L before she was even moved from the other relatives, that she got ignored, couldnt get anyone from the agency to help her, etc.
So now they will homestudy both of us, and the agency will recommend to the state who they think should get them, and the state will ultimately decide.
I have NO idea what will happen. No one can give me any idea. The adoption unit is mad at the foster unit for dropping the ball, and i'm SUPER mad at the foster worker because had ANYONE told me this relative was out there back in dec or january i wouldnt have been all like "i'm adopting the kids!!" yknow???
Another worker came out to license my new four bedroom house i just rented and was like "you didnt rent this so you could get L did you??" and seemed upset for me and was like "who told you you could adopt the kids???" obviously the two sides are not communicating at all....i spoke with the foster worker (who is actually a supervisor!) and she didnt seem at all apologetic and didnt acknowledge that its a good thing to do to actually, yknow, INFORM the foster family what is going on and not wait til MONTHS later!
So, now they have "invited" me to a "case conference" on friday so that "the foster unit and adoption unit will be on the same page about how the case will progress"...im super nervous about this.
Its bad enough to think about losing the little girl who was embraced as a new part of our family and who was essentially told i was going to be her new mom (and who has a whole little girl room set up in my house right now)....but to think of D having to leave to a stranger...he calls me mom, he is bonded to my whole family....its awful. just awful. I can barely sleep. I'm so mad at all of these people. If this was six months ago, well it would be hard but i would have been somewhat emotionally prepared.
I dont know what to do. My friend directed me to a website of a local lawyer who helps foster families in similar situations. I guess it wouldnt hurt to at least call and get their free advice.
Well, i guess now its me.
A little background: My foster son D was placed with me the first week of July of last year, as a 16 month old. He is 2.5 weeks younger than my son K, and they of course are super close and at this point like twins. At first, i thought he may go back to his dad (he was removed from his mother around 9 months old, into a FH for a month or maybe two, then placed with his dad for about six months or so, then removed and given to me. At this point i have had him longer than anyone else.) But in October the TPR trial started and the plan was for terminated both parents rights. In March, that happened. No appeal was granted and no relatives of the dad came forth to try to adopt. At that point it seemed to be a clear case for adoption by me.
D has an 8 yr old sister L. She has been in FC before, this is her third time. She was removed at the same time as D, was in a FH until i think around April then went to live with maternal relatives. They had her until they gave notice in Dec, and she was moved to another FH at that time, where she remains. The FP is leaving the agency but is keeping L until school is out in the middle of June.
Since at least December when the relatives gave notice, i have let the foster worker know that i wanted her, it was just a matter of having a big enough place. I was looking but not having much luck. Plus, i didnt really want to uproot us and move (incurring the expense of a larger home) if the kids werent TPR'd anyway. But the worker def. knew since early December that i was interested. The other FP was told (by the bmom) that i wanted L, from the beginning. When i heard the FP gave notice, i again told the SW i wanted L, and that since my son had decided to try living with his dad, i actually had an open bed and she could move in. SW said no, they would keep her there until June and had a real problem with the idea of her staying with me because of my son, even though he wasnt/isnt even living with me at this point.
Before TPR took place, i gave a heads up to my adoption worker to let her know i wanted both kids, that i was looking for a place, because i didnt want the foster unit to not let her know i was interested (and the foster sw didnt exactly seem supportive.) Fast fwd, rights are terminated, case gets transferred to adoptions. She said she had a list of relatives, but no one had called her back. She was giving them "until monday"...one turned out to be fictive and not an option (state said didnt have to consider her)...i wasnt too worried about these relatives, i figured the mom was just handing out possible names of people, and since no one was visiting L in foster care how serious could they be?
At that point, i was essentially the identified adoptive placement, L spent all of spring break with me, and we were to begin weekend visits with transition happening in June. I am in the process of updating my homestudy.
Well, one of the relatives DID call back on the last possible day, says she wants L and since they will be placing the kids together, she'll take D too. (he has NEVER even met her!) That she had asked for L before she was even moved from the other relatives, that she got ignored, couldnt get anyone from the agency to help her, etc.
So now they will homestudy both of us, and the agency will recommend to the state who they think should get them, and the state will ultimately decide.
I have NO idea what will happen. No one can give me any idea. The adoption unit is mad at the foster unit for dropping the ball, and i'm SUPER mad at the foster worker because had ANYONE told me this relative was out there back in dec or january i wouldnt have been all like "i'm adopting the kids!!" yknow???
Another worker came out to license my new four bedroom house i just rented and was like "you didnt rent this so you could get L did you??" and seemed upset for me and was like "who told you you could adopt the kids???" obviously the two sides are not communicating at all....i spoke with the foster worker (who is actually a supervisor!) and she didnt seem at all apologetic and didnt acknowledge that its a good thing to do to actually, yknow, INFORM the foster family what is going on and not wait til MONTHS later!
So, now they have "invited" me to a "case conference" on friday so that "the foster unit and adoption unit will be on the same page about how the case will progress"...im super nervous about this.
Its bad enough to think about losing the little girl who was embraced as a new part of our family and who was essentially told i was going to be her new mom (and who has a whole little girl room set up in my house right now)....but to think of D having to leave to a stranger...he calls me mom, he is bonded to my whole family....its awful. just awful. I can barely sleep. I'm so mad at all of these people. If this was six months ago, well it would be hard but i would have been somewhat emotionally prepared.
I dont know what to do. My friend directed me to a website of a local lawyer who helps foster families in similar situations. I guess it wouldnt hurt to at least call and get their free advice.
I would call and at least get advice. Better to do that than to think in "might haves" or "should haves" a few months down the road. I have to think, though, that D's bond with your family will really mean something. 
I can't believe the worker effed up that bad. What the hell were they thinking? It's not a sure thing though, is it? Not that you want to have to play the waiting game yet again...
