Baby accepting DP as a back-to-sleep comforter.

[Beauchamp]

Right now we're not trying to night wean, but if I know that I have nursed DD recently and she wakes again, I would like my DH to be able to put her back to sleep. Right now she cries really hard with him. I could pretty much say she screams with him. Her cries escalate when she doesn't get mama and it breaks my heart. DH says we've "created this", since I am the only one she will calm down for.

So, I'm just wondering how long it took other LO's to accept a DP as a comfort-person? Or how did you handle it...cold turkey, or months and months?

[ThankfulMama]

Exact same problem here. Same age DD. Was coming to post something about this too. In our case, DH used to put DD down at night, but lately I have been. Now she screams when she wakes before we go to bed if DH tries to comfort her. I hope someone has some great advice.

[Jayray]

We also have this problem here. *sigh* I asked about it on this board a while ago and someone said it got better for them around 12 mo. DS will sometimes go back down for DH in the early morning, which I think is funny since his "sleep debt" is less (at least that's what Sleepless in America says--that it should be easier for the partner in the first wakings. Not so for us!)

[LuluMama8]

Interesting, we have the same thing going on as well with the same age baby. Maybe it's the beginning of separation anxiety and will pass soon (fingers crossed). DD used to be easily comforted back to sleep by DH before we had gone to bed but now there is almost no way. And this is making it very difficult to work on her many middle-of-the-night awakenings when ideally DH would comfort her back to sleep occasionally as I am convinced she does not actually need to nurse 5-6 times a night but that's the only way I can get her back to sleep. Sigh, no advice, just camaraderie and hope that maybe someone else has advice for all of us.

[Minerva0302]

My daughter is just 15 months old and it's only been in the past month that she's been willing to go to sleep/ be comforted back to sleep by another other than me (her dad and my mom when she's babysitting). Before 13 months she would just panic if she woke up and I wasn't right there to nurse her. We haven't done anything differently, she's just older and I think understands more now. But if when DP goes in she doesn't go back to sleep and stays upset then I still go in to calm her down. We haven't pushed her at all just follow her cues. I think just getting older will help so just try to be patient. I know how frustrating it can be to be "it" 24/7.

[TiredX2]

OP,

Is there some upcoming reason you need DH to be able to put DD to sleep? Nursing to sleep at 10 months (if I do the math from your signature correctly) is perfectly normal. Both of my children nursed to sleep at that age (and for quite awhile longer)--- going to sleep without nursing is not a skill that needs taught, it is a skill that comes with age much like walking.

Good luck

[Jayray]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

OP,

Is there some upcoming reason you need DH to be able to put DD to sleep? Nursing to sleep at 10 months (if I do the math from your signature correctly) is perfectly normal. Both of my children nursed to sleep at that age (and for quite awhile longer)--- going to sleep without nursing is not a skill that needs taught, it is a skill that comes with age much like walking.

I think it's that when your kid wakes up 3-6 times per night and you know they don't NEED to eat every time, it is nice to get some help/have a break from being the only one to get them back to sleep.

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

OP,

Is there some upcoming reason you need DH to be able to put DD to sleep? Nursing to sleep at 10 months (if I do the math from your signature correctly) is perfectly normal. Both of my children nursed to sleep at that age (and for quite awhile longer)--- going to sleep without nursing is not a skill that needs taught, it is a skill that comes with age much like walking.

Good luck

I was wondering the same. My 27mo is only just now not needing to nurse to sleep every night, and he still wakes to nurse 1-4 times a night. Each child is different, of course, but I know that if he woke in the night at 10 months, he definitely needed to nurse.

It's good to have a break, though, I know. I hope you can find a solution that works for your family.

[lessmith23]

Originally Posted by LuluMama8

Interesting, we have the same thing going on as well with the same age baby. Maybe it's the beginning of separation anxiety and will pass soon (fingers crossed). DD used to be easily comforted back to sleep by DH before we had gone to bed but now there is almost no way. And this is making it very difficult to work on her many middle-of-the-night awakenings when ideally DH would comfort her back to sleep occasionally as I am convinced she does not actually need to nurse 5-6 times a night but that's the only way I can get her back to sleep. Sigh, no advice, just camaraderie and hope that maybe someone else has advice for all of us.

I could have written this post (DD is almost 9 months old). She wakes up ~ every 2 hours at night. Sometimes I can get her back to sleep without nursing sometimes not.

Just want to say that I can totally commiserate with everyone. I work part-time and can take my DD to work. Great as that is, we're together all.the.time and sometimes I need a break. Not being able to utilize DH at night is tough when you need some time to yourself to recharge.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by Jayray

I think it's that when your kid wakes up 3-6 times per night and you know they don't NEED to eat every time, it is nice to get some help/have a break from being the only one to get them back to sleep.

I didn't see that in the OP (the waking up 3-6 times nightly). That said, there are 10 month old infants that rely on night time nursing for a great deal of their calories, so it can be a legitamate need. Even Dr. Ferber doesn't suggest CIO until after 1 year.

OP can you give us a better idea of your nighly time frame--- your bedtime routine, how often DD is waking, what happens when she does, where everyone sleeps...

[TiredX2]

Beauchamp,

If your issue is frequent night nursing, can you also let us know a little bit about your days--- how often DD nurses, if she is eating a lot of solids, does she nap well...


TIA!

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by TiredX2

Beauchamp,

If your issue is frequent night nursing, can you also let us know a little bit about your days--- how often DD nurses, if she is eating a lot of solids, does she nap well...

Hmm...well, she's a super light sleeper. When I go in the room, she wakes up. We had a sidecar crib, but she always ended up on my side of the bed. Then in the middle of the bed. Sideways. Then DH was on the floor. Then down the hall in the guest room. We put the crib back together to see if it was my movement in bed waking her. Nope. She still wakes. So she naps in the crib (nurse to sleep in a recliner) unless she wakes, then nurse back down and finish the nap in our bed. Same at night, we start her in the crib (in our room) and move her to the bed. Sometimes DH likes to try to put her back into the crib for a while so we can stretch out and not worry about waking her.

She slept from 10pm to 6am pretty much every single night from 6 1/2 wks to 6 months. Since 6 months, the longest stretch has been 3 hours, but usually it's 1-2 hours. Sometimes less.

Frequent nursing, yes, that's part of the problem. More like frequent waking. I love nursing her. I have no issue using nursing as a comfort. For example, though, I nurse her to sleep. She's out. I go to take a shower with DH listening to the monitor. While I'm the shower, 30-45 minutes into her night, she wakes. DH goes in, holds her, rocks her, rubs her back...she's inconsolable and screaming. I turn the shower water off, hear her, and run down the hall in a towel. I just want to have a little peace of mind that she can be comforted by "Dada" if necessary. Also, saving me a wake-up here and there at night would be nice, too. I am pretty sleep deprived from being "it" 24/7 for 10 months.

Sorry this is all over the place. DD has been pretty clingy and very active today. I've been trying to write this post and hit submit for a few hours now.

[Beauchamp]

Originally Posted by Jayray

I think it's that when your kid wakes up 3-6 times per night and you know they don't NEED to eat every time, it is nice to get some help/have a break from being the only one to get them back to sleep.

Yes, exactly.

Originally Posted by TiredX2

there are 10 month old infants that rely on night time nursing for a great deal of their calories, so it can be a legitamate need. Even Dr. Ferber doesn't suggest CIO until after 1 year.

Just wanted to add that CIO is not an option for us. Ever.

Originally Posted by TiredX2

If your issue is frequent night nursing, can you also let us know a little bit about your days--- how often DD nurses, if she is eating a lot of solids, does she nap well...

She naps around an hour to two hours and has been trying to drop her second nap.

normal wake-up for the day-- 7-8:30~ish
nap-- starts somewhere between 10:30-noon and can go for an hour or two.
bath at 7pm
nurse to sleep at 8pm

She gets tired and *seems* like she wants a second nap, but usually will yawn and yawn but fight it, until it's nearly bath time anyway.



Solids. She eats some things. I don't do full-out "meals" for her. I am battling making sure she gets enough milk during the day, but she often is too busy to nurse. This is a struggle for me to figure out. I don't know any AP people IRL, so you can imagine what my family suggests.