Feeling discouraged... :(

[diana_of_the_dunes]

I'm having a bad day and feeling very discouraged. About everything. My 6 mo baby gets up 4 times a night lately, and I'm so tired that I can't even think straight. My immune system is suffering, and I've been sick 3 times in the last 2 months. I don't have any time for anything but work and the baby. I have seeds that sprouted, but my new raised beds aren't done. I have chicks arriving in 10 days, but no coop or brooder (though we do at least have the rest of the supplies). My old house is in the middle of a renovation that was supposed to be done before the baby came... And I'm seriously wondering why I couldn't be like everyone else, live in a cookie-cutter house in a subdivision, and feed myself Eggos and Hamburger Helper.

I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing, for myself and for my family. I know that it will get easier as DS gets older. But right now it's just so hard. Some days I'm sure I'm surviving on coffee alone. When I get some spare time and could work on a project, I'm so glad to have a few seconds to myself that I just sit and stare at the computer or rush around and do a bit of housework. Or shower. Or make dinner at 9 am so DH will have something to eat while I'm at work in the evening.

*sigh*

Ok. I'm a little better now.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has days like this!!

[sparkygirl74]

When DS (now 2) was a baby it was a difficult life to live. This will be my first spring/summer that I will feel comfortable getting all of the gardening/chicken care done properly. My son is old enough to play in the woods (in my line of sight) with his sister while I weed and plant and he helps take care of chickens instead of putting everything in his mouth.
In fact life has gotten so much easier for us that I decided to go back to school instead of just enjoying it, lol!
Just hang in there, and maybe get your husband to help out a little with those things. We used giant rubbermaid tubs for brooders and you can transplant all of those seedlings to terracotta pots until your beds are done. Do you have a carrier so you can throw the baby on your back? It makes outside work a lot easier!

[DirtRoadMama]

Awww!!!! It'll get better!

It sounds like you have way too much on your plate! Do you have any friends who could babysit for you inside while ya'll work on the coop?

What is left to be done on the raised beds? I didn't have time to "properly" set mine up, so I just dumped some dirt in there and figured I'd worry about fixing it "from the top, down".

Maybe you could set up a pack-and-play by the garden, and DC could hang out in there while you work on the beds? Or while you work on the coops?

Try to remember, once that coop is done, it's done! It'll get better!!!!!

[godusjourney]

Hugs!! I totally understand. Babies wipe you out no matter who you are, but when you have lots to work on, it's even harder.

Maybe commit to taking a nap with him every day?? Get as much sleep as you can, whenever you can, and then the projects won't look so awful and you can get more done in less time. Maybe you can ask some nice, older homeschooled kid to come hold and play with your baby while you get some things done. Or your dh?? Or other family or neighbors? If you could get some naps in and get someone to help, things might not be as hard.

I've used big boxes and rubbermaid totes as brooders, too. Work just fine. Maybe you could just get your seedlings in something bigger until you have some time to get them in the ground?

Hope he will start sleeping more and you'll start feeling more rested and less overwhelmed!!!

[lucyem]

You are in the middle of normal new baby stress. It is a lot of work. I remember being so tired it hurt.

Then on top of normal house stuff to have to plant a garden and deal with new chicks. Not to mention the house renovation work and you work at night. Am I reading this correctly? Is there any way you can cut back on your expectations for yourself this year?

There will be time in the future, I promise. But it sounds like you need to take care of yourself more for now.

Can you delay the chicks? You only need a box or rubbermaid tub for a brooder but they will quickly need a coop. And that is a lot of work unless you can find something pre made. Or partially pre made?

Can you cut back on the garden at all? Get one raised bed done and stick with that?

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and encouragement. And for listening to me whine! Just writing it all out helped some, plus the weather and DS both cooperated, and I got to go work in the yard a little bit. Doing something productive, no matter how small, always makes me feel better.

I've already cut back on my garden plans this year. DH built 4 new raised beds (in addition to the one I had last year), but I think I'm only going to plant 2 beds total. I know when I'm overextended!! As long as I get my tomatoes for sauce and some broccoli, I'm happy. I'd love to have more, but it's just too much right now. Thankfully, all we have left to do is finish filling the beds (they're half full), and plant the 25 or so seedlings.

The chickens are sort of my gift to myself, so they're not supposed to be stressful! I've wanted them for several years, and we decided it was now or never. Something always seems to come up, and we say, "Oh, we'll do it next year." I'm tired of putting it off for one reason or another, so this is the one thing I will accomplish, even if everything else has to go! We're only getting 4. DH is building the coop, and since he works midnights, on his days off he can dedicate just about 8 hours a night to it. I'm fairly certain he can get it done before the chicks are 3 weeks old. Even if it's not completely done, I think we can have it habitable by then.

The house stuff... Ugh. We're hiring someone to sand the floors upstairs sometime soon, and I can't wait. Once that's done, it's all downhill. But it's driving me crazy to live in a half-finished house. For 4 years. But we're at an odd point where we actually have more money than time, so we're hiring out some of the bigger projects rather than trying to do them ourselves.

Sleep... Yeah, I need some. Bad. We're working on trying to get DS to nurse a little less at night without going cold-turkey. He was only getting up once til I went back to work. Then it all went to hell. I've tried the "Pantley pull-off" with no success; he just gets mad. DH has tried taking him on nights when he's off with mixed results. I'm not sure what else to do, and I'm not positive he's not actually hungry.

Babysitters are limited. My best friend's parents watch DS during the week while I'm at work, til DH gets up (about 3 or 4 hrs). My mom watches him either Saturday or Sunday. And DH's mom sometimes gets one weekend day as well, but since she's not too physically able, I don't like to leave DS with her unless absolutely necessary. I have no other family here, and the rest of DH's family isn't allowed to babysit for various reasons. No neighbor kids are old enough. It'll definitely be easier once it's just a teeny bit warmer and I can take DS outside with me without worrying he'll get chilly just sitting there.

So... yeah. I dunno where that leaves me. The only project with any sort of real time pressure is the chickens. Anything else can wait, even if I don't want it to. So I guess we just need to prioritize and take baby steps. If I could get a little more sleep, I could probably keep it all in perspective instead of having it crash down on my head!

[DirtRoadMama]

Well, knowing what your schedule is really explains a lot! My DD went through a rather long transition stage from waking several times a night to sleeping through the night. She woke several times, almost every night, until she was about 20 months. Then, she went through a month of sleeping through the night, then a month of waking up once or twice, and now she's almost always sleeping through the night. I always gave her a bottle when she woke up. Now, I wait to see if she cries out more than twice. If she does, I get up and get her a bottle. Otherwise, I've found that she'll cry out when she's just waking up to turn over.

I didn't get any outside projects going until this spring. There just wasn't time to work on something and monitor what she was doing. Now she can play on the swingset, or nearby picking the dandy-lions, while I'm working in the garden or whatever.

It sounds like a good plan to reduce your garden to what you really need.

[hildare]

I'm totally in the same boat. My babe is up all night, which, honestly I've gotten used to re: the lack of sleep.
MY problem is that I don't have a chance to work outside b/c she isn't sitting or very independent (same age as yours thereabouts) and she refuses to let me put her down to work at all. Nor does she like to be worn while i bend over to plant etc. I think this is just a sucky time to simultaneously have a tiny one and to try to work in the garden/henhouse/whatever. so frustrating!
I don't have advice, only hugs.

[BeckyBird]

Hugs for you, and hugs for all of you busy moms too! I have a 5 month old, and the last few weeks have been tough for me too.
I work at home, and let's just say that working and being a mom to an infant is very very challenging. I wanted to cry yesterday when I got my baby to sleep finally....I went outside to have some "me" time, and as soon as I got into a project, my husband tells me that she is awake. Right as I was starting to get to work! Arrrgh, not cool. Can't a mom be selfish once in a while? Answer--no! Mom is always last around here.

One thing that I like to do with her--put her in a stroller, and walk around the yard. If you have yard chores, the stroller is a lifesaver!! Give it a try the next time you have to work outside. I push her around for a few minutes, then pause to feed the chickens or work with the garden. When she fusses, we start to walk around the yard again. I managed to build a new duck pen using the stroller method lol! It has kept me sane this spring, and maybe it will work for you too.

[diana_of_the_dunes]

I hate it when you think you're going to have time to yourself, and it doesn't happen. Ugh. I can definitely empathize with not getting time to yourself. I do "get" to go to work every day, but that's hardly "me time".

The stroller idea is a good one, and I've used it when it's nice enough outside. Lately it's been very windy, and chilly, so I didn't want my LO outside. Plus, I only have my mornings (I work second shift), so it hasn't always warmed up enough by 11 am, even if it's going to be 70 later.

In other news... My mom spent the night last night, and DH was off the 2 before, so I think I might actually be caught up on sleep. And DS only got up to eat twice last night. Progress!!

[ktgrok]

Ah..yes...when i went back to work my son started nursing all night too. Even if they aren't hungry...and they may really be hungry, as my son didn't like the bottle a whole lot, they need the connection. He was away from me all day when I was working, so he needed to snuggle and nurse all night to make up for it. It's called reverse cycling. In good news it keeps your milk supply up, which helps with pumping. Not nursing during the day because you are at work, and not nursing at night because the baby is sleeping, leads to low supply. Do you cosleep? When they wake up that often it's just easier to learn how to dose while nursing, in my opinion. good luck!!!

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Ahhhh... This week is looking to be much better than last. Thanks again for all the encouragement. It's so good to know I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the lifestyle we've chosen. The best thing is that it looks like we've been able to tweak DS's sleeping habits enough to get me one good block of rest at night. My mom has spent the last 3 nights at our house, soothing DS when he wakes up at 12:30 or 1 am. DS wasn't the happiest camper, and there were some tears, but I believe Dr. Sears when he says that it's okay for a baby to cry a bit as long as they're being held and soothed by a loving caregiver. And on the third night (last night), DS slept straight through til 4:00! I nursed him then, and again at 6:30. Two wakings are so, SO much more manageable! We don't bedshare, but DS is in a cosleeper next to me, so I can sometimes drift off when nursing. I don't know how people can get any rest if their LOs are in separate rooms...

DS also seems to have made a miracle transition to a 90 minute nap in the morning, and a 1.5 - 3 hr nap in the afternoon. OMG, I might actually get some time for myself and my projects!! Plus, now that I don't feel so sleep-deprived, I have a much better outlook.

So... Today we're going to get our chicken coop supplies, and on Wednesday we'll pick up the rest of the dirt for the raised beds.

I'm starting to feel excited again instead of just overwhelmed...

[hildare]

Originally Posted by BeckyBird

One thing that I like to do with her--put her in a stroller, and walk around the yard. If you have yard chores, the stroller is a lifesaver!! Give it a try the next time you have to work outside. I push her around for a few minutes, then pause to feed the chickens or work with the garden. When she fusses, we start to walk around the yard again. I managed to build a new duck pen using the stroller method lol! It has kept me sane this spring, and maybe it will work for you too.

HOLY MOLY BeckyBird, the stroller idea worked for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she does NOT feel the same about just chillin' indoors, but dd is absolutely content to sit in that stupid wheeled contraption in the yard. who knew? (well, YOU did, apparently). thank you and sorry to interrupt this thread again...

[talia rose]

Vitamin D can do wonders for your immune system. We do Carlson Drops. Very important when your immune system is stressed from lack of sleep and nursing....

When you do get time in your garden remember to breathe some deep long breathes and feel the dirt in your hands. Touching the earth can invigorate you! Feel the connection.

And never forget the mothers mantra - "this too shall pass!" Repeat often.

I also had babies who did not sleep. It is sooo hard. Thank goddess it passes. Sending hugs your way.....