We are a 2 child, 2 adult household. 8 month old and 2y8mo old. For the past two nights our 2 year old has been waking up crying and he is just inconsolable. Also taking longer to fall asleep – now that I think of it. None of our "day-time" calming down tricks have worked. I'm wondering if I'm missing something so I'm turning to my trusted "village" for thoughts and advice.
My older son has woken up not just fussing or cranky but crying for the past two nights. The first night I thought he had a bad dream and was still partly asleep. We turned on the lights, tried calming him down and he just continued to weep. After about 10 minutes I was able to figure out that his tummy hurt, specifically the top of his tummy. He said he didn’t need to throw-up, didn’t feel like poop either. I think it was probably gas. He didn’t want any ginger-ale, didn’t want his milkies (bottle of milk). I was out of ideas – so I held him on the couch and softly talk to him trying to figure out what else I could do. Finally he laid down on the couch in the fetal position and fell asleep. After about 20 minutes, I moved him back to his bed. He woke up again around 2Am, he had wet the bed, complaining of his stomach hurting and crying again for well over 20 minutes until he passed out again on the couch – where we stayed the rest of the night. I had just thought he had a tummy ache and that it was a one-night ordeal. He was fine at school the next day and napped as usual while there.
Well, then last night happened. It took him longer than normal to fall asleep. He went potty twice in the process of trying to fall asleep and requested and received an additional bottle of milk. There were no mentions of a tummy ache. About 9:30, we didn’t hear any more rustlings from him. We checked on him before we went to bed at 11 and he was dry and fine. He woke up at 2AM call out to me that he had to pee. By the time I got to his bed, he was wetting the bed. We didn’t make a big deal of it, went to the potty like normal, took off the wet clothes, he sat on the potty but didn’t have any more pee. He was clingy and tired and a little whiney but nothing out of the ordinary. We went back into his room to get a new pair of underwear and to change the sheets. He’ll usually sit on the floor after getting dressed while I change the linens. Last night he refused any underwear, didn’t want to pick out any on his own. I found his favorite pair and offered that but he even refused the “light blue Thomas underwear”. So I was content to let him sit naked on the carpet while I changed his sheets but that’s when the crying started up. I tried to calm him down and figure out what he wanted. All I could get out of him was – “I want something…” and he continued to sob, I want something. I took him downstairs, still naked, so he wouldn’t wake up DS2. This went on for about 30 minutes, he would calm down for a few seconds but then start crying again for no reason I could determine. Honestly it reminded me of when I was 13 and would cry and not know why I was crying. After a while he wanted to go back to his room. We went up and I rocked him for another 10 minutes at which time I said, you must be cold, would you like to put on some clothes. He put on his clothes without a problem and crawled into bed. I cuddled with him in his toddler bed until he was just about asleep and returned to my room. He woke up this morning and was quite normal and had no recollection of anything that happened in the night.
So, I am totally worried about what will happen tonight. Of course my husband says take away the bottles, he won’t wet the bed, no problem. Other friends will tell me to just let him cry in his bed after changing the sheets. I really don’t think I could do either for more than one reason.
2 other things that might have something to do with it is it could be a reaction to my husband’s worsening depression. He also had a tick bite about 3 weeks ago. The tick was not on him long, not even engorged at all, but has not had any symptoms that would lead me to believe he’s experiencing any health problems because of it.
So any words of advice, something else I can try? Below is some more background, if you are still even reading this novel…
Our evening/nighttime routine – dinner, playtime while we do some kitchen clean-up, maybe chat on the computer with grandparents or cousins. Bath-time happens about every other night. We are in bedrooms, softer lights on, preparing for bed around 7:30. After potty, teeth brushing and getting jammies on, we ready 3 stories, 2 on the floor next to the bookshelf and one in bed – this is the last book before lights out. He says good night to little brother and mommy and DS2 go into the other room to hopefully nurse little brother to sleep. DS1 gets his bottle of milk with story #3 (see background below). We can usually turn off the lights, tell him good night, we love him, we’re here if he needs us and sweet dreams. This is normally between 7:45 and 8. He has been in big boy underpants for about 3 months now and refuses a diaper at night. So when he says he has to go potty, we take him but try to limit discussions, interaction, etc. If he asks for more milk, which has happened more frequently, we usually give him a small (3-4 ounces) amount of milk. On a “good” night, he will be asleep around 8 and 8:30ish on a “bad” night. Sometimes he talks to himself or sings but we leave him be unless he specifically asks for either of us. If he does, we peek in his room, ask him if he needs anything and is Ok, and tell him good night, we’re here if he needs us. Depending on how distressed he sounds when he calls out for us, we will sometimes go and re-tuck him in and kiss him good-night. He does have a lovey (a mommy hair doll – www.loveybabies.com) He also has been asking to bring more “things” to bed with him – a baseball, pretend golf club, catchers mit, Percy (Thomas the Tank Engine’s friend) and we let him do that as they are usually not a distraction to him.
Background - I slowly weaned DS1 when I got pregnant with DS2. I have a history of pregnancy complications and we decided it would be best to begin to limit the nursing when I got pregnant. At the time we were doing modified bed-sharing. He nursed to sleep, we put him in his crib until he woke up and then brought him into bed with us for the remainder of the night. We began replacing the night nursing with a bottle and daddy would deliver the requested bottle. It got to the point where he called my husband the "milk man" - and after 16 months of nursing, I was happy to share the milk responsibility. I still nursed him to sleep and in the morning but only if he asked. Sometime between 17 & 18 months we ended our nursing relationship, but it was replaced with a love of the bottle. I suspect had I not had the pregnancy complications, he still may be nursing. At 20 months he changed daycare settings (2 months before baby brother was born) and they did not allow bottles, so this was our perfect opportunity to begin to reduce the day-time bottles at day care. We decided not to push any more reductions in bottles because of the baby brother’s arrival. Baby brother also got expressed breast milk in the bottle and we didn’t want it to seem as if he got preferential treatment. So about 2-3 months after baby brother was born we started to limit the bottle to only when he was resting in bed or on the couch and then transitioned to bottles are only for when you are in bed. With regards to a bottle in the morning, we employed the don’t offer, don’t’ refuse philosophy. There has been some disagreement between me and husband about when to eliminate the bottle all together. For me – no big deal, he can give it up when he’s ready. Dad, on the other hand, is feeling pressure from outside observers and perceived social norms. DS1 also started showing signs of being ready to transition to big boy underpants from diapers. So husband and I agreed to keep the bottle/milk situation as it was until the diaper to underware transition was well established. It’s been almost 3 months since the big boy underpants transition and he is rockin his Thomas the Tank Engine underpants and is so proud, to the point where he insists on no diaper at bedtime either. Now, the bed-time bottles have become a problem because of the bed wetting and of course dad is reminding me we’d agreed to begin a slow elimination of the bottle after the underpants transition. Problem is, DS1 is not having it. If we reduce the volume in the bottle and he doesn’t fall asleep before he finishes it, he calls out for more and if we stall or distract him he ends up being awake until 10PM (we only did that once because the morning was too difficult for everyone).
My older son has woken up not just fussing or cranky but crying for the past two nights. The first night I thought he had a bad dream and was still partly asleep. We turned on the lights, tried calming him down and he just continued to weep. After about 10 minutes I was able to figure out that his tummy hurt, specifically the top of his tummy. He said he didn’t need to throw-up, didn’t feel like poop either. I think it was probably gas. He didn’t want any ginger-ale, didn’t want his milkies (bottle of milk). I was out of ideas – so I held him on the couch and softly talk to him trying to figure out what else I could do. Finally he laid down on the couch in the fetal position and fell asleep. After about 20 minutes, I moved him back to his bed. He woke up again around 2Am, he had wet the bed, complaining of his stomach hurting and crying again for well over 20 minutes until he passed out again on the couch – where we stayed the rest of the night. I had just thought he had a tummy ache and that it was a one-night ordeal. He was fine at school the next day and napped as usual while there.
Well, then last night happened. It took him longer than normal to fall asleep. He went potty twice in the process of trying to fall asleep and requested and received an additional bottle of milk. There were no mentions of a tummy ache. About 9:30, we didn’t hear any more rustlings from him. We checked on him before we went to bed at 11 and he was dry and fine. He woke up at 2AM call out to me that he had to pee. By the time I got to his bed, he was wetting the bed. We didn’t make a big deal of it, went to the potty like normal, took off the wet clothes, he sat on the potty but didn’t have any more pee. He was clingy and tired and a little whiney but nothing out of the ordinary. We went back into his room to get a new pair of underwear and to change the sheets. He’ll usually sit on the floor after getting dressed while I change the linens. Last night he refused any underwear, didn’t want to pick out any on his own. I found his favorite pair and offered that but he even refused the “light blue Thomas underwear”. So I was content to let him sit naked on the carpet while I changed his sheets but that’s when the crying started up. I tried to calm him down and figure out what he wanted. All I could get out of him was – “I want something…” and he continued to sob, I want something. I took him downstairs, still naked, so he wouldn’t wake up DS2. This went on for about 30 minutes, he would calm down for a few seconds but then start crying again for no reason I could determine. Honestly it reminded me of when I was 13 and would cry and not know why I was crying. After a while he wanted to go back to his room. We went up and I rocked him for another 10 minutes at which time I said, you must be cold, would you like to put on some clothes. He put on his clothes without a problem and crawled into bed. I cuddled with him in his toddler bed until he was just about asleep and returned to my room. He woke up this morning and was quite normal and had no recollection of anything that happened in the night.
So, I am totally worried about what will happen tonight. Of course my husband says take away the bottles, he won’t wet the bed, no problem. Other friends will tell me to just let him cry in his bed after changing the sheets. I really don’t think I could do either for more than one reason.
2 other things that might have something to do with it is it could be a reaction to my husband’s worsening depression. He also had a tick bite about 3 weeks ago. The tick was not on him long, not even engorged at all, but has not had any symptoms that would lead me to believe he’s experiencing any health problems because of it.
So any words of advice, something else I can try? Below is some more background, if you are still even reading this novel…
Our evening/nighttime routine – dinner, playtime while we do some kitchen clean-up, maybe chat on the computer with grandparents or cousins. Bath-time happens about every other night. We are in bedrooms, softer lights on, preparing for bed around 7:30. After potty, teeth brushing and getting jammies on, we ready 3 stories, 2 on the floor next to the bookshelf and one in bed – this is the last book before lights out. He says good night to little brother and mommy and DS2 go into the other room to hopefully nurse little brother to sleep. DS1 gets his bottle of milk with story #3 (see background below). We can usually turn off the lights, tell him good night, we love him, we’re here if he needs us and sweet dreams. This is normally between 7:45 and 8. He has been in big boy underpants for about 3 months now and refuses a diaper at night. So when he says he has to go potty, we take him but try to limit discussions, interaction, etc. If he asks for more milk, which has happened more frequently, we usually give him a small (3-4 ounces) amount of milk. On a “good” night, he will be asleep around 8 and 8:30ish on a “bad” night. Sometimes he talks to himself or sings but we leave him be unless he specifically asks for either of us. If he does, we peek in his room, ask him if he needs anything and is Ok, and tell him good night, we’re here if he needs us. Depending on how distressed he sounds when he calls out for us, we will sometimes go and re-tuck him in and kiss him good-night. He does have a lovey (a mommy hair doll – www.loveybabies.com) He also has been asking to bring more “things” to bed with him – a baseball, pretend golf club, catchers mit, Percy (Thomas the Tank Engine’s friend) and we let him do that as they are usually not a distraction to him.
Background - I slowly weaned DS1 when I got pregnant with DS2. I have a history of pregnancy complications and we decided it would be best to begin to limit the nursing when I got pregnant. At the time we were doing modified bed-sharing. He nursed to sleep, we put him in his crib until he woke up and then brought him into bed with us for the remainder of the night. We began replacing the night nursing with a bottle and daddy would deliver the requested bottle. It got to the point where he called my husband the "milk man" - and after 16 months of nursing, I was happy to share the milk responsibility. I still nursed him to sleep and in the morning but only if he asked. Sometime between 17 & 18 months we ended our nursing relationship, but it was replaced with a love of the bottle. I suspect had I not had the pregnancy complications, he still may be nursing. At 20 months he changed daycare settings (2 months before baby brother was born) and they did not allow bottles, so this was our perfect opportunity to begin to reduce the day-time bottles at day care. We decided not to push any more reductions in bottles because of the baby brother’s arrival. Baby brother also got expressed breast milk in the bottle and we didn’t want it to seem as if he got preferential treatment. So about 2-3 months after baby brother was born we started to limit the bottle to only when he was resting in bed or on the couch and then transitioned to bottles are only for when you are in bed. With regards to a bottle in the morning, we employed the don’t offer, don’t’ refuse philosophy. There has been some disagreement between me and husband about when to eliminate the bottle all together. For me – no big deal, he can give it up when he’s ready. Dad, on the other hand, is feeling pressure from outside observers and perceived social norms. DS1 also started showing signs of being ready to transition to big boy underpants from diapers. So husband and I agreed to keep the bottle/milk situation as it was until the diaper to underware transition was well established. It’s been almost 3 months since the big boy underpants transition and he is rockin his Thomas the Tank Engine underpants and is so proud, to the point where he insists on no diaper at bedtime either. Now, the bed-time bottles have become a problem because of the bed wetting and of course dad is reminding me we’d agreed to begin a slow elimination of the bottle after the underpants transition. Problem is, DS1 is not having it. If we reduce the volume in the bottle and he doesn’t fall asleep before he finishes it, he calls out for more and if we stall or distract him he ends up being awake until 10PM (we only did that once because the morning was too difficult for everyone).
