I feel like something is wrong. Any advice?

[StoriesInTheSoil]

Since the beginning of this pregnancy (I'm 10 weeks) I have felt like something was "off." I have had trouble bonding to the pregnancy and the feeling of being pregnant because the feeling is so strong. A few weeks ago I called my homebirth midwife's backup OB for an early ultrasound and the appointment is next Friday but I feel like that is a terribly long time to wait. When I've had pregnancy symptoms, I have felt just plain sick, not pregnant if that makes any sense and now my symptoms seem to be disappearing. I also haven't gained any weight or gotten any bigger.

I am so nervous and anxious that I asked my husband to stay home this afternoon to watch our son because I didn't think I could play with him.

I borrowed a friend's doppler to see if I could find the hb but I suck with the thing and give up quickly. I'm not worried about my inability to find it as I know I'm quite early but I thought that if I could find it, it would calm me down.

The OB that backs up my midwife can not get me in any earlier. The crisis pregnancy center does ultrasounds but won't take me. The local 3d/4d place books appointments 2 weeks out and I felt like they were pretty rude on the phone. I don't know what to do. The ER won't do an ultrasound because of a "feeling" will they?

What should I do?? I feel fairly zen about the whole thing and I honestly have felt certain for many weeks that something was wrong, I just very suddenly have this desire to KNOW what is going on.

[mamabearsoblessed]

I couldn't read and not reply.
I'm sorry you have this feeling of foreboding. I've had it too. With 2 different pgs. One time the pg did end in mc but the second pg stayed and is now a little person .
It is horrible to be in the place of unknowing, one way or the other was a difficult thing to not know. I'm so sorry, I wish you well, and for good news that may be unexpected but wonderful nonetheless.
Please keep us posted.

[Sarah W]

Friday does seem like a long time, doesn't it? I understand that when you have a bad feeling, the waiting is almost unbearable.

I will say that if you are 10 weeks, it isn't the uncommon not to gain any weight or not have symptoms. With my first, I had a bit of breast tenderness and would get up at night to pee, but that was it. After a few weeks, I had no symptoms.

It's really hard when you know you're pg, but don't have the feelings to back it up. I do think that it happens sometimes, but I think that you should really try to relax as much as you can until then.

[MaerynPearl]

Ive had the feeling twice. Neither time was my miscarriage... that one I bonded with instantly...

I felt like that with DD and with the baby I am currently carrying. Both times it wasn't until I started to feel kicks that I started to feel better about the pregnancy... and both times even further on, even ecstatic I am pregnant... just cannot bond like I did with DS... I cannot help but wonder if it may be partially caused by being so active with my other two children that I dont have time to just sit there and sing to the baby like I did with DS.

[VillageMom6]

It took me until about 18-20 weeks this time before I felt excited about and bonded with this baby. My last pregnancy ended in miscarriage (like Maeryn, I bonded right away with that one) and this pregnancy had a lot of bleeding in the beginning.

The way I see it, you have two options... the Zen approach, which is to wait patiently until next Friday or the Jen approach (I'm Jen), which is to do whatever it takes to get answers asap.

I don't know what your insurance is like and I'm not usually a big advocate of... uh... misrepresenting?... overstating?... the truth. But if you go to an ER and say that you've been having some bleeding or that you're feeling some sharp abdominal pains, they will do an ultrasound.

I wouldn't go to the ER at 10:00pm on a Saturday night unless you really are having troubling symptoms. But 9:00am on a weekday? They're less likely to be busy then.

I'm sure things will turn out to be just fine. But sometimes you just plain have the right to know what is going on within your body and with your unborn baby. If the system won't cooperate with you, sometimes you have to tweak the system.

Best of luck, hon!

[matey]

I lived with a constant feeling of dread with Jack. There was a point with him that I just felt sick with worry and fear. The dr. couldn't get me in and I had been having some mild cramping here and there, so I did just go to the ER. I mentioned the cramping, but also just said I was nervous. It cost me $50, I ended up having a UTI, and we got to see that the baby was fine. For me, it was worth the cost to have the peace of mind. I do think it is weird though, because I was coming from a previous loss, and you dont have that background, so I am surprised you are panicing so much.

Also, as you know, this pregnancy was not expected and it has taken me a very long time to start bonding with the baby. It has just been in the past few weeks where movement has really increased and been much stronger, plus with buying clothes and stuff, that I have started to bond with the baby and be excited with this pregnancy. I wouldnt take your lack of bonding as a bad sign, I was so bonded with my m/c baby. Like, so unbelievably so from the moment I knew.

I imagine you will try Stacie's doppler today since you will be over there and I hope that it gives you some peace of mind.

[matey]

btw, I was not stalking, I just stumbled upon your post.

[Just1More]

Is there anything else going on in your life? (I'm not asking you to say it here, I'm just trying to help you isolate the feeling.)

Because of some external factors, that were pretty scary, I was really nervous about my last pg. She's fine. But, I couldn't bond with her, or even accept I was pg, though I tried, because I was worried something wouldn't be right. This time, some of those factors still exist, though a little less extreme, and it is still hard to relax and trust that the odds are in my favor.

So...when you think about the rest of your life, is there something that could be casting a shadow on the pg that really isn't pg related?

(Again, I'm not asking you to answer that here, just to think about it personally.)

[etsdtm99]

hope you're feeling better now

[JessieBird]

Originally Posted by Just1More

Is there anything else going on in your life?

I was going to suggest that you look at this too. I am 16 weeks into my second pregnancy (at least my second pregnancy that has lasted more than 2days). With my first, I knew the moment that I got my super faint BFP that all would be well, despite the fact that I'd had a chemical two months before. I felt 100% confident every single day of the pregnancy.

With this pregnancy, I have never ever had that feeling. It really irked me in the beginning but I came to realize that it's because life is different now. I am busy with my toddler. I had just gone back to work f/t. I got even more sick than the first time so I regretted getting pregnant so soon again. Pregnancy's not such a novelty this time. I could go on and on - there are a lot of reasons why this pregnancy is not as joyful as my first and they have interfered with bonding. Not being able to bond and get excited naturally led me to feel a sense of foreboding, that something was bound to go wrong. And - if I may be entirely honest - that perhaps I even wanted something to go wrong.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have encountered medical problems due to the pregnancy (hyperthyroidism related to hyperemesis gravadarum) but I firmly believe that the sense of foreboding was not intuition predicting this but rather it was due to the things I mentioned above.

And I have to add that now that I am further along, feeling better, less freaked out about the hyperthyroidism, developing a lovely little bump, and just starting to feel flutters, my heart is expanding. I'm feeling the love for this baby grow and with that my fears and the foreboding is disappearing.

If I were you I would do two things - In the short term, I would take the "Jen" approach and get the reassurance you need now. In the long term, I'd work at keeping up the zen approach you've been doing so well at - trust that you will have a bump soon, you will feel kicks soon, you will not only hear the heartbeat you'll see hiccups before you know it! All of these things will make you feel better. You may also find the Hypnobabies pregnancy affirmation track(s? can't remember how many there are) helpful in giving you a boost in the zen direction.

Take care and I hope you are feeling more positive soon!

[matey]

Originally Posted by etsdtm99

hope you're feeling better now

I think that means that she used your doppler today.

[etsdtm99]

Originally Posted by matey

I think that means that she used your doppler today.

yeah.. we found the HB in like 5 seconds.. though i totally agree with the 'jen' approach, my house is much cheaper than the ER

[StoriesInTheSoil]

Thank you for all of your stories and reassurances. I have no idea what is causing this panic but if it's hormonal, I hate hormones,

Anyway, Staci found the HB today very easily so I'm calm(ish) for now. I have an appt with my MW on Monday so that will be nice too I think.

[VillageMom6]

Yay for hearing the heartbeat!

[MaerynPearl]

Having a doppler = the only way I get through the time between when I can find the heartbeat and when I can make baby move to calm my fears lol

I am glad all is well

[MonP'titBoudain]

Originally Posted by tinyactsofcharity

Anyway, Staci found the HB today very easily so I'm calm(ish) for now. I have an appt with my MW on Monday so that will be nice too I think.

I'm so glad you were able to find the HB and so quickly too! Like some of the pp, I have had the same experience of near-panic conviction that something was wrong. Both times it was a strong, asymptomatic UTI. I seem to be prone to them during my first trimester for some reason since I've yet to get to 12 weeks without a nasty infection! Both times I found my sense of calm restored pretty quickly after my body starting healing.

Also, with every pregnancy since my first I have had a hard time bonding with the baby or feeling very pregnant. I don't really gain weight until I'm in the 20-30 week range and I don't show much until I'm in my second trimester. With my second, I was still doing the rubber band trick well into my second trimester (and I'm pretty average in weight & size).

All that to say, it is possible that it's partly just the adjustment phase to being pregnant. Or that, if something is wrong, it could be something relatively small like a UTI or BV. I hope you can shake the feeling or discover the source quickly!

[cagirlintexas]

Reading your posts helped me. Thank you! I have similar feelings its nice to know you aren't alone. I am super anxious. I had some morning sickness for like 2 weeks and then it went away. I spent half this week sure I had miscarried. With my last pregnancy I told everyone by 6 1/2 weeks. I am almost 9 and still have only told a handful of people. I just don't feel the same. The one thing that I think is affecting me is that in the last year I have had 5 people I know fairly well miscarry. With my first pregnancy I didn't know anyone. It wasn't even a concern for me. This pregnancy its all I can think about. I am hoping it will get better in my second trimester.

[McMandy]

You know, I've felt that way this whole pregnancy- and while I've been excited and thrilled, part of me has just known something is wrong.

It's one major reason why I went with my gut and hired a midwife instead of doing another unassisted birth.

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

In between each visit, I felt very nervous- in fact, my MW started doing the heartbeat check first thing. Now that I'm feeling the baby kick, we don't do it first, because I feel reassured.

Anyway, I HATE to be a downer.. and put any negativity in your situation, but I have learned with this pregnancy to go with my intuition.

We found our baby has a three-chambered heart (instead of four). I am so thankful that I went with my gut and got a midwife- because while we didn't notice this on the doppler, it was noticed on the ultrasound. I may not have had one if we had gone the unassisted route.

[gradstudentmommy]

Originally Posted by cagirlintexas

Reading your posts helped me. Thank you! I have similar feelings its nice to know you aren't alone. I am super anxious. I had some morning sickness for like 2 weeks and then it went away. I spent half this week sure I had miscarried. With my last pregnancy I told everyone by 6 1/2 weeks. I am almost 9 and still have only told a handful of people. I just don't feel the same. The one thing that I think is affecting me is that in the last year I have had 5 people I know fairly well miscarry. With my first pregnancy I didn't know anyone. It wasn't even a concern for me. This pregnancy its all I can think about. I am hoping it will get better in my second trimester.

I feel the same way mamma. I had a miscarriage in September and this pregnancy I've been afraid to tell people. But I'm almost 20 weeks and HUGE so I really have no choice but to tell people (or just let them think I got really fat and lost my waistline!) I hope you feel better soon too!

Hopefully you'll feel better once you're further along. I feel a "little" less anxious and I'm hoping after my 20 week ultrasound this week I'll feel even better.

[cagirlintexas]

Originally Posted by gradstudentmommy

I feel the same way mamma. I had a miscarriage in September and this pregnancy I've been afraid to tell people. But I'm almost 20 weeks and HUGE so I really have no choice but to tell people (or just let them think I got really fat and lost my waistline!) I hope you feel better soon too!

Hopefully you'll feel better once you're further along. I feel a "little" less anxious and I'm hoping after my 20 week ultrasound this week I'll feel even better.

Thanks!! I actually told a friend today and it kinda of made me feel better. Its weird but I think telling her helped make it more real. I really need to just get over my anxiety and tell more people.

Ya by 20 weeks I will really have no choice I am already starting to show a little and I am only 8 weeks. I will be huge too by 20 weeks.