You're lucky.....How do I respond?

[Asiago]

I have noticed lately that people have been telling me I am "lucky" since my baby is "happy" and a "good" baby. It is really wonderful to hear, yet bothers me a tiny bit as I work hard to keep him this way. He wasn't always an easy baby, I would likely classify him as high needs until recently. I do the basics: breast feed, bed share at night, and wear him most of the day.
Simple but it really works for him and has helped him to be calm and content.
Before bed sharing, a couple of people asked if he was colicky. He was often irritable from being overtired though. He changed quickly once his sleep at night improved. And then when I purchased a carrier he actually liked, he really flourished (until then I held him as much as possible).

So my question is.....aside from "thank you", should I reply with anything more or just leave it at that unless asked (?)

[lifeguard]

I usually just would say "yep" with a big grin.

[lalemma]

My baby is also very sunny, as long as I wear him and sleep with him and stick my boob in his mouth whenever he wants.

But I DO think I'm lucky. If you poke around the boards a little, you'll find many parents who do the whole AP package and don't have little parcels of sunshine to show for it (and sometimes feel really bad about that, unfortunately.)

So I would be the first to agree, yes, I am very lucky.

[kittykat2481]

I just saw this on the main page under new posts and thought I'd give my .02. I'd just say, "He's pretty wonderful, isn't he? It's hard work but he makes it worth it. Thank you!"

[Heidi74]

I also just say "yup."

That said, as with many things, I really think it really comes down to both nature and nurture. Some babies personalities probably are more prone to fussing, and the way they are treated can also play in.

In general, I find that the "you're so lucky" comments will come no matter what the issue is, even if it's something you worked hard on. For example, we are always getting comments about how lucky we are that our kids are such great eaters and are willing to try just about any food under the sun. Now, yes, part of it is probably individual (I'm sure BLW graduates who are picky eaters do exist)...but I do think things like breastfeeding, doing baby-led solids, exposure to a large variety of healthy foods (and little junk) and cooking from scratch, play in. It's not just luck, if you know what I mean...

[sparklebean]

Parenting is hard for everyone and I think every parent works to keep their baby content. High needs babies are not the result of lackadaisical parenting!

My biggest fear before having DS was that he would be a colicky baby and my relationship with him and DP would suffer. So, yeah I DO feel really lucky to have a "easy" baby!

Roll with it now- toddlerhood might be very "unlucky"!

[staceychev]

I think it's just mindless conversation. People want to have something to say about a new baby. My favorite is: "How does she sleep?"

[JenBuckyfan]

Originally Posted by kittykat2481

"He's pretty wonderful, isn't he? It's hard work but he makes it worth it. Thank you!"

This also counters the 'lucky' part with stating subtly that it's not all luck which, if in the least, lets you take a moment to compliment yourself on how hard you've worked. As a pp I also feel we're pretty lucky that our little one is pretty easy going and we don't have to work too hard to keep him happy.

[slimkins]

Originally Posted by lalemma

But I DO think I'm lucky. If you poke around the boards a little, you'll find many parents who do the whole AP package and don't have little parcels of sunshine to show for it (and sometimes feel really bad about that, unfortunately.)

So I would be the first to agree, yes, I am very lucky.

I am "lucky" to have a pretty happy baby, even though I do my best to meet all of his needs. But like the previous poster said, I have seen far too many times where mamas on here probably work so much harder with their babes than I do only to have them be pretty unhappy most of the time. My heart breaks for them each time I read their post.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by staceychev

I think it's just mindless conversation. People want to have something to say about a new baby. My favorite is: "How does she sleep?"

Well, and sometimes it's hard to know what to say to a mom without offending.

I stick with "She so cute!", and "how are you feeling?" and "I'm so happy for you". I used to say you are so lucky, but have since crossed that one off the list.

[Asiago]

Originally Posted by lalemma

as long as I wear him and sleep with him and stick my boob in his mouth whenever he wants.

Yes, this seems to be the key to keeping him happy. If not I would be striving to find what did!

Sorry Sparklebean, regarding colic, it was just a comment I received a couple of times. No disrespect to all those mamas working hard to help their babies with colic. I didn't mean to imply that it was easy once doing this or that. I just was stating what seemed to have worked for him and get him through that rough time of whatever it was. I think he really was in a state of being continually overtired and it was affecting everything.
He may have also just outgrown whatever he was going through.

[nola79]

To answer your question, yes, I would just say thank you! Sounds like they are just trying to make conversation.
I DO consider myself very lucky to have had 2 easy babies, because I know that a lot of times, it's just personality, even though I have worked very hard to keep my babies happy.
I can see how another may be offended because even the best parents can have a colicky/high needs baby and it really has nothing to do with parenting.
I get what you're saying, though.

[Drummer's Wife]

I got that a lot - all four of my babies were pretty laid back. I would just say, "thanks, I know." or similar. People tend to mean well, and are trying to make conversation. Also, they may think of babies = fussing and unhappy, for whatever reason... so they may be genuinely surprised that yours is not that way.

[zinemama]

Agree with pp. Just say, "Yep, I sure am!"

I did all the things you do. So do many, many mamas. And we have very difficult babies, anyway. I would call you lucky.

[batsister]

I sometimes experience the opposite... my 9-month-old is a very smiley (most of the time-- he does have a temper, too ), friendly baby, so I am sometimes asked if I "did something to make him that way." (like what, I sometimes wonder?). I usually reply that we are just lucky and that is his personality. We do try our best to meet his needs (and we cosleep, babywear, breastfeed, respond and talk to him, etc.), but I figure (as others have said), that is just part of parenting, and people with "unhappy" babies do that, too.

[sugarpop]

I personally feel like I work my butt off to have a "happy" baby...and I don't have one. Your post however opened my eyes. I probably would have said...your lucky...not thinking about how you might take that.

Honestly now as I over analyze I realize I am lucky too. She is healthy and some day if I continue with AP (and I will) she too will be happy. But you are right, you aren't just lucky and didn't get an easy babe...took a lot of work on your part!

You could just say thanks, or you could say...Thanks, I have spent A LOT of time reading babies cues and trying to understand his needs...

[tzs]

the flip side does exist.

my ped once remarked how happy my babe was and i responded with the "we're lucky," to which she said, "no, you're a good mommy."

it did make me feel good although i know that i did "get lucky" in many ways and lots of moms way more wonderful than me have less than happy babes.

[Asiago]

Thanks for all of your replies and if I said anything that offended anyone, I never ever meant to To all those moms with challenging little bundles of joy, I support you!

Thanks Sugarpop, I really appreciate your post too.

[Blueone]

I smile and nod and say thanks. If they want to think that they can. Sometimes I get a little annoyed too because my son is high needs as well and sometimes the only reason we go out is because he was so fussy inside no matter what I did that if I didn't get out I'd go insane.

There are times I mention that he's a bit cranky and they always seem surprised. But really, he was just until we got out. That's how today was...

[akind1]

I just say thanks - I am thankful to have an easy baby and the crazy thing to me is people think I had something to do with it! I mean, if he were fussy or high-needs somehow I woud be a bad mother? I think babies are they way they are, and we just have to adapt to parent them in a way that suits them best. It is bad enough when my normally "easy" baby starts fussing at my MIL and she looks at me like I had something to do with it! I can nearly alway soothe him, but I can't make him always happy while she holds him!

anyway - I really think temperment is out of our control, so I do feel incredibly fortunate to have a happy baby. I mean, if I had a high needs baby I think it is possible to get them to a happy place, so in that instance I would congratulate the mama on doing a great job! but a stranger doesn't know the difference between a happy, easygoing baby and a happy, high needs baby whose mama worked super hard to meet his needs so he'd BE happy. They just see a happy baby.

as far as the sleep question - I get this a lot too - and I say he sleeps fantastic, usually wakes at most once per night - and half the time I get dirty looks from mamas whose babes didn't sleep as well. I don't know why he sleeps so well, but he does! I can't really take credit for it, but I am sure grateful! Granted the other half of people say, what, he's not STTN? need to give him some solids. I just and say he sleeps well enough for me!