How do you deal with the guilt?

[voicegrrl]

One of my 6 year old twins was diagnosed yesterday with symptoms of SPD. She's on the sensory seeking side. I literally had never heard of SPD until 2 months ago when I talked to a friend about her child with sensory issues and realized how closely related our kids problems were. Ok, now that the news has settled in the guilt is kicking in. I've known something was different since she was an infant but she's a multiple and it's always been a challenge. Her father and his (then) new girlfriend wanted to label her ADHD when she was 2 1/2 and I knew she wasn't that, but I would have never guessed this is where we would end up. I'm thrilled that she'll start therapy. She has an amazingly supportive teacher and guidance counselor and she's in Montessori which is really helpful. But I feel terrible. I feel like I should have known and should have done more to make her life easier from the start. I know this is all normal to be feeling this way right now but I also know that if anyone can understand and relate its here so I appreciate you letting me get my feelings out there and I look forward to learning more about how you all cope with this in your lives.

[SashaBreeze]

Don't beat yourself up.
SPD is still very new and when our ds was diagnosed I had to finally come up with a rehearsed speech for friends and family because none of them had ever heard of it. The ONLY reason our son was diagnosed early was because he had other health problems that he was seeing specialist for. I did not even pick up on it, I just thought he was a bit more "picky" or harder to calm than his siblings, if not for his medical care team I dont think I would have ever figured it out on my own.
The important thing is now you know, and as the cartoons told us in the 80's "knowing is half the battle!"
My best wishes go out to you and yours as you start your new journey.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by voicegrrl

But I feel terrible. I feel like I should have known and should have done more to make her life easier from the start.

For SPD with nothing else going on, she's really young to be dx'ed. There are kids who go through years of school, end up for meds for ADHD, and then eventually some one finally figures what the real problem is. Most kids are dx'ed with it younger have other issues.

You are doing GREAT!. My favorite book on SPD is The Out of Sync Child.

My favorite general book on raising a child with mild special needs Quirky Kids.

Guilt is a completely useless emotion. Let it go and start moving forward.

[NightOwlwithowlet]

My son had/has other issues (ADHD and a speech delay) and he wasn't diagnosed with SPD until he was almost six. He had been in OT for a year and a half and both his OTs missed it. A classmate's mother recognized the symptoms and talked to me about it. Don't feel guilty, it just happens sometimes. I never recognized his symptoms because I have SPD too and just thought his reactions were typical because I react the same way. I just accommodated his SPD without thinking about it.

[voicegrrl]

Thanks for the replies, the support is so helpful. It's just a little bit of a shock, ya know? But then again we've been dealing with this her whole life so it's not really new. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up about how I dealt with her issues all the years and just focus on the positive future in front of us.

[aslyn]

I think that as mammas we don't always want to see. I always knew my DD was different from the first time she wandered off because she found dancers at a street fair fascinating. I look back on all the 9 yrs and think I have shoulda done this or that, or should have known to look for this or that..but honestly..she's my princess and she is who she is. Like you, I hold a lot of guilt but what can we do, except accept it for what it is and take the steps to move forward. Our kids are our worlds, and we are truly blessed each and every day to wake up to their smiles.