A place for DP's. - Page 7

[osker]

Welcome Saddiejaney!  Congratulations on your upcoming new little one!  Sounds like things are pretty hectic over in your house! I hope that the 2nd tri comes along quickly and smoothly!

I wanted to let you know, there's a thread for non-bio moms who are inducing lactation found here: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1224457/inducing-lactation

It doesn't come up all that often, but if you have questions or thoughts there are several mamas there who have induced. There also somewhere is a thread for all mamas who induce lactation, somewhere on the breastfeeding challenges forum, I think.  There's some great info all around, so I hope you enjoy being more than a lurker on the boards! Welcome!

[saddiejaney]

Thanks Osker, I just read the thread and I am still up in the air.  DP and I just had a conversation and if I want to start TTC when the baby is still little we think inducing lactation might not be the best idea for me.  I didn't have any problems with DS latching with the Lact-aid and it was great for bonding.  We still have a lot of time to decide and a lot of talking to do.

[gamitzer]

*bumping up for other non-bio moms*  Hi!

[smilingsara]

Hi gamitzer!!

Just popping in to say hello! Our tank is sitting in our kitchen, waiting for the 15th or so to come around so we can use our little swimmers and I'm so hopeful this is the insem for us!

[Tourneymama]

Hi all! Well, this thread seems to be airly older, but I am gonna go ahead & say hello just because! I am the non bio mama of a pregnant wifey. This is her 1st & my 4th (whew!!) My 3 kiddos are all older though, 15...12 & 10. They all 3 call her mama, and she claims them for her own, so we have a big loving family between us.

We used a known donor (Actually the man that fathered my 3 teens, volunteered, as DW & I had wanted the new baby, to be blood related to them) I am SO excited to watch her belly grow, to let her experience the amazing journey pr pegnancy etc...

We concieved between Jan 22nd-Feb.7th, thats all I know. This was our first go at insemination & wow...we got it already?! I hope its a healthy sticky baby!! We go 3-22 for our first U/S and I am very much looking forward to seeing everything!!

So anyhow, hope to meet everyone, going through the same things we are!

~J

[simon506]

Hi Not sure if it's ok to post here- I am the FTM Dad and my wife and I are TTC #1. There are not a lot of spaces online for me. Not a lesbian, but my role is diff than a bio dad. We plan on me being a stay at home dad who works just part time. She will obviously need some time off but loves her work. So I hope I can get to know you guys err I mean ladies :)

I think we have some similar perspectives. I can't relate to everything but I def don't want to ever give birth. I just want to parent the baby the way it deserves with two involved parents.

[justrose13]

Welcome to queer parenting! While this thread isn't very active, you are most welcome to join in where ever you see fit! There have been quite a few trans people to join us as well as many ppl with trans partners.
Best of luck to you and yours!

[starling&diesel]

Welcome, Simon!  I think you'll find that the whole Queer Parenting board is pretty trans-friendly.  Congratulations on deciding to get on the TTC roller coaster! 

[smilingsara]

Simon: Welcome! Please feel free to join us, everyone is welcome! How is your TTC expedition so far?! 

[CrystalPerez]

my dp does not want to cary. she says people would think she is a pregnant man! but i think that is just a funny excuse, she really just has no interest. i did get her to say she would carry if there was something wrong and i couldnt but i think we would just end up adopting. i have always wanted to foster parent/adopt, but she is insistant on us having our own child. i also think it would be too painful to have children just coming and going. another reason is her job, she loads trucks for pepsi and i am not working right now but have a degree in office admin, so it would be much more convenient and safe for me to carry.

hmm, i meant to reply to when someone asked if they were in a situation where both dps didnt want to carry.

Edited by CrystalPerez - 3/16/11 at 1:44pm

[madronedw]

Hey there,

New here too. My DW is expecting our first in Oct.  I may want to carry our second, but not sure yet (I guess I'll see how painful it really is and then decide!) :-)

Would love to trigger some discussion around non-bio queer parent issues.  For example, I'm looking for any advice or stories about how family relates to you as non-bio parents, etc.  My family is really conservative so I don't think they will really view me as the parent since I'm not biologically related.  My DW's parents are really supportive but sometimes I feel a little excluded -- they make comments about the baby looking like a "Little {DW last name}" which can be painful.  Any advice about how to start dealing with these comments would be helpful because I'm sure when the baby gets here there will be plenty of more opportunities, from family or just strangers!

[Disco Infiltrator]

well, I'm both a bio (DS) and non-bio mom (DD), so I've been on both sides of the fence now. My parents are deeply insensitive about DW's role in our son's life and once corrected her when she said she was DS's mother, saying "don't you mean 'adoptive mother'?" So not cool. My MIL, whom I adore, always says I'm DS's "mother" and that DW is DD's "mother". We both are the mother, actually, but I think I know what she means, and she's older so she has a different perspective. There is an inequality when one has birthed and is breast feeding a baby, and the non-bio parent doesn't have that automatic bond. BUT, that's not as bad as it sounds. DD and I have our special little things that I could never have had with DS. We have to develop a different relationship, and it's actually nice to have someone like me for ME and not my boobs. She woke up this morning and we had a nice little love-fest. It was sweet. I also know that when DD is upset, it's not me that she wants. She loves her mama.

DD is actually a little Mini-me, and everyone comments on it, but it actually totally thrills me. I love DW so I love that DD looks so much like her. I can see DW's sweet hands and feet, her mouth, her face shape - it's awesome. DS kind of looks like me but the resemblance isn't as strong. And we have a KD so it's not like I don't see him in DS/DD as well. I love the parts of of him I can see in both kids. I feel I've been able to fully embrace our patchwork biology instead of feeling upset by it.

I think also that once that baby arrives your world will be rocked and some of those issues won't feel as painful as they do when contemplating them before the birth. DW might as well have birthed our son, she is truly his mother no matter where he came from, and she's confident in that, so things can sting but they don't deeply hurt. She just confirmed that those feelings were indeed better after DS was born. And think about all those first time dads who end up on the side line as their female partners get all the attention. They're facing a huge life change and no one really honors that. I think the lack of biology can make being the non-birthing parent more challenging, but I think it's a kind of hard place to be for everyone whose the non-pregnant one.

I'm so happy we utilized both our uteri, so happy to have had both experiences. It's such a good thing for us.

[osker]

I think we're lucky, really lucky. (And we've done a lot of work over the almost 13 years of our relationship.)  My family absolutely and without any shadow of doubt sees that E is my daughter. They all made effort to learn and correctly use Mommy and Mama for each of us, and sometimes I think that they forget that she's not genetically mine.  For example, when she was on the way I was talking to my mom one day about using wool covers for our night time cloth diapers. She thought that sounded interesting but said "well, I hope she doesn't get Grandpa (my dad)'s wool allergy! . . . then about ten seconds later said.. oh, right.. that's not likely! with a big smile and a chuckle. She was thinking that she could inherit the allergy from my side of the family.  There have been other times that this has happened as well. She was born with dark hair and her coloring is similar to mine, but her hair may turn red as she gets older. Multiple family members have said, in all ernest-ness that she must get that from the same place as her red-haired great Aunt.. again, on my side.  

H's family is  supportive as well, which is nice.   But like I said, we've been together for 13 years (we were 19 when we got together) so I think that everyone is just used to us doing everything together, sharing everything.. to exclude one of us would just be weird.  I think it also helps that we have a dog that we've been the "mommies" of for seven years now. He's both of our dogs equally and it probably was a bit of practice for everyone to think of it that way, and now it's just second nature.

[Disco Infiltrator]

sometimes I forget DD isn't biologically mine. The other day she did something and I thought, "oh, she got that from ME" then I remembered that's not possible. Tee hee. Love that little girl.