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A place for DP's. - Page 5

post #81 of 134
jenmostoften - good luck with your proposal! my good ol' boy company surprised us with same-sex partner benefits in jan 2009 after our ceo saying in a townhall meeting it wasn't being planned! we immediately put dp on mine as they are so much better than hers. she is also eligible for my pension if i pass away before her.

fast forward to dp being pregnant and us wondering how it would work for ds2. would he be covered? would we have to wait until i officially adopted him? so i contacted hr, explained the situation and after 4 days they got back to me and said the legal dept was changing the paperwork and he would be covered at birth. that also meant he was eligible for my company daycare right away too. it felt really good to be trailblazers!!!!

post #82 of 134
Originally Posted by osker View Post
You know, if you can't laugh.. how are you going to make it through!?!?

jenmostoften: I don't have any experience in that kind of thing (since I'm Canadian and I've never experienced not having partner coverage in a workplace), but I just wanted to say good luck!! I hope your proposal is accepted!

indigoscot: Wow, nice! That is fantastic.

Anyone else's DP very very sleepy? I think mine would sleep 24/7 if I didn't wake her up around noon every day. Good thing she's off work right now!
post #83 of 134
We got our BFP today!

DP took two different brands of HPTs and got faint lines on both (she is only 10DPO). She immediately went in for a blood test, and we got the results back within a few hours.

Needless to say, we're super excited, and I am thrilled to join the ranks of those of you who are expecting!

We have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I'm assuming we'll get an official due date then, but all the online calculators say February 1st.

I also feel the need to shout from the rooftops that ICI at home with frozen sperm DOES work! So many people told us it couldn't be done, and I am proud to prove them wrong.

I know I haven't been around that long, but a big thanks to all of you for your encouragement and support!
post #84 of 134
Bunnies, congrats on your most excellent news!
post #85 of 134
Bunnies! Congratulations! Such exciting times!!!
post #86 of 134
Congrats, Bunnies!!!!!
post #87 of 134
woohooo!! congrats bunnies!
post #88 of 134


Hooray Bunnies! That is so awesome. Keep us posted on all the excitement soon to come!!

post #89 of 134
Thread Starter 
congrats bunnies! thats super exciting!

jenmostoften: how goes the proposal writing?! Can I help at all?!

erthe: too funny about the salsa bowl! I love it!

we are getting on vial to try this month (can go back to two when DP's other house gets rented)! We are really excited about it! I had a killer interview with a company to be their photographer on staff (which would give me insurance) and I'll hear back about that soon! We have decided if I get that job, and she hasn't gotten pregnant, it'll be my turn to try, too!

how is everyone's long weekend going?!
post #90 of 134

So much for that idea.....

Well, I just got out of a meeting with the head of HR and the president of our company not too long ago, and it went horribly. Worse than I could've imagined. Although I managed to stay calm and intelligent throughout the whole meeting, I had to go cry in the bathroom immediately afterwards.

While I know HR is totally and completely on my side, the prez was already telling me NO before I hardly had a chance to speak and he didn't read my proposal. he made blatently ignorant and discrimanatory statements, but managed to word everything just so, so I don't have a legal leg to stand on. Even the HR lady next to me looked suprised at the things he was saying. I can't rehash it all or I am going to start crying again. I am so damn hurt and angry! Despite everything, I know I wrote an excellent proposal which included personal perspective, facts and local statistics, so I'm trying to hold on to that. I left the proposal there on his desk even though he ignored it, I'm hoping he reads it later (but he probably won't). I know I have to just be proud that I even tried and managed to respond intelligently on the spot to his bigotry. I thought if I failed, I'd feel like it was my fault....but I don't. It's not my fault he's a jerk.

I appreciate everyone's encouragement and kind words throughout the writing process, and osker... the equalitymaryland link was indeed helpful. If anyone is faced with a similar situation anytime in the future and wants a copy of my proposal, I am willing to share it, just let me know.

Moving right along....I am trying to look forward to the fact that we get to start TTC again next month and DP's body got right back on cycle perfectly following the MC. So, onward and upward! At this point, we can only cross the insurance bridge when we are standing at the edge of it I guess.
post #91 of 134
sorry jen, that really sucks. so is the plan for wehrli to stay with her company (and insurance) until she actually has the baby, or to get pregnant and then quit? giving birth w/o insurance could be insanely expensive - we also have "rock star" insurance but still looking at all of the billing statements (that we don't have to pay) is pretty scary. dp had a vaginal birth w/ epidural and was out within the standard timeframe and the total cost was around $10k-ish. we will probably end up just paying a co-pay. i dread to think how much more it gets for a c-section, complications etc... even using a midwife and birthing at home carries costs.

then after that you have all the costs associated for check-ups for baby etc.. ds1 had to have blood checks for jaundice and ds2 had to have an x-ray because his fontennels were closing quicker than is normal (everything was fine). or would you be on assistance? not sure how that works with your state domestic partner thingie.

of course once you complete the second parent adoption, baby can legally be on your insurance. for ds2 we did all the paperwork we could ahead of time and it was still over 2 months after his birth that we got our court date.

dp and i looked into this a little before we decided i would carry our first child...the initial plan was for dp to be a sahm and we were in the same situation where my company didn't allow same-sex partner benefits.

are you completely sold on your job? is there another company you could work for in your area that DOES offer ssp benefits? hrc can help you with that.

i wish we didn't have to jump through so many freakin' hoops. <sigh>

post #92 of 134
Oh, Jen. What a disappointment!
post #93 of 134
Originally Posted by indigoscot View Post
so is the plan for wehrli to stay with her company (and insurance) until she actually has the baby, or to get pregnant and then quit? giving birth w/o insurance could be insanely expensive

of course once you complete the second parent adoption, baby can legally be on your insurance. for ds2 we did all the paperwork we could ahead of time and it was still over 2 months after his birth that we got our court date.

are you completely sold on your job? is there another company you could work for in your area that DOES offer ssp benefits? hrc can help you with that.
I was tickled that you were able to match me up correctly to my DP from the TTC board, since I don't think I've ever said it was wehrli.
I had initially hoped (while assuming I could get her on my coverage) that she could quit her job after getting pregnant, but before giving birth. Well, that is out of the question now, for exactly the reason you said. It's just too expensive. I just wanted to save her from her crappy job ASAP, ya know? So, I guess I'm not sure what the plan is if we use up the the lifetime fertility treatments limit and still aren't pregnant. She hasn't gotten home from work yet, and we still have to rework our plan in light of these new circumstances.
HR lady says that she's sorry it went so poorly and she's going to do some further research into it and re-approach the prez, but I'm not holding my breath. I am afraid it's probably just that whole HR playing nicey to both sides thing that goes on.

I appreciate the advice about legalizing the 2nd parent adoption and how long it took...we will definitely jump on the consult and paperwork as soon as we get a sticky BFP.

While I am not totally loyal to my current company, and I am certainly willing to consider my options at another job, I just recently (like 3 months) made a pretty significant field change within the company and need some time in my current position to build some resume padding experience before I go in search of a new employer. The only thing that sucks about that is we don't really live in a large city, and while there are companies around that offer ssp benefits, it would mean a commute to another city. While I'm not opposed to commuting either (cuz we can always move eventually) I am just still so deflated by the blatent rejection that I find myself being cynical about everything right now.

I'm sure a good nights sleep and some discussion with DP will make it all better!
And while I know nothing has changed at my job, they haven't taken anything away from me, and tomorrow will be the same as every day before that I've worked there for the past 3 years.....I suddenly have a very different perspective on that place.
OK, enough! Thank you to anyone who has tolerated my tirade over this insurance thing. The venting is invaluable to me.
post #94 of 134
Thread Starter 
jen: i'm so sorry to hear that. some people suck!

update for us: we have a vial due to come in tomorrow, just one this month. and I've decided I really want to be pregnant! So as soon as I get insurance, I'm gonna start trying too, regardless of dp getting pregnant! I'm really excited and looking forward to it!
post #95 of 134
Bunnies: Congratulations!! Are you or your DP on the Queer and Pregnant thread?

jenmostoften: I'm sorry about your experience with the insurance thing. That's rotten!! I'm glad that you may have job opps with ssp benefits in a nearby city though!

smilingsara: Good luck! That's what my partner and I were going to originally do.
post #96 of 134
Thread Starter 
we insem for DP tomorrow! I'm really excited! I should hear about a second interview on monday for the really good job and I'll know more quickly than I thought about me having insurance to start trying too!!
post #97 of 134

Edited by Pearl1 - 2/7/11 at 4:00pm
post #98 of 134
sarah -- congrats on the news about the new babes!!!!! wow. so very exciting. i'd think such news would definitely take a bit of adjustment, but i'm so glad things worked quickly for you the second time around.

glad to have you here to share this journey!
post #99 of 134
abeecharmer, welcome! That is so awesome about the twins! I can imagine it is a surprise and a shock, especially with another one so recently arrived. But it will be fun for the kids to be so close in age. I believe your posting implied that you carried the first baby, correct? The topic of breastfeeding has come up on this thread, and I am curious....are you breastfeeding and if so, do you plan to co-breastfeed the new babes?

smilingsara, any good news about the job?

AFM, it's my birthday Sunday and DP is taking me to see "RENT", so that will be super fun. We are quickly approaching our first insem post-MC, which will be about July 9th or so. Tonight we looked at the available donors and we are pretty sure that we're gonna go with the same donor she got pregnant with in March. It freaks me out a little bit because he had at least one or two other reported miscarriages and I wonder if there's something not right with him, or if it's just coincidence. he does have some children out there, and the sperm did indeed get her pregnant.....there's just not as much donor history as I'd like to see. Ultimately, I am thrilled to be back in the TTC game, but at the same time I didn't realize how nice it was to not have to think about any of it for two months until I had to think about it all again!
post #100 of 134
Thread Starter 
Jenmostoften: sadly, they chose someone else (big mistake in my opinion). but my mom told me a few days ago that starting in september I can go back on her health insurance so I may be able to start trying soon anyways! Happy (early) birthday! RENT is such a great show, I haven't seen it live, but I've heard nothing but great things about it. Great luck on the insem coming up, I'm sure it will be even better than the last.

sarah: welcome to the group! Congrats on the twins, that's the best news ever! I hear they are even more fun than one little one.

AFM: we just got back from pride and had a blast! We're going camping next week and then going to hit the pride in chicago on the way home. the kids loved being in the parade and hanging out after words, so I'm sure we will have a great time in chicago (as it should be about three times bigger than columbus was today.)
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