New SAHM and very confused

[jolenegreen]

Hi everyone Im new at being a SAHM..well been home for about 2 months now. I have 4 children and one due in October. Their ages are 6,5, 20 months,and 7 months. I was working overnights and hubby decided it would be best for me if I stayed home with the children...which I didnt mind...its been my dream since I had my first child but we couldnt afford it. Now we can and Im here at home..

ANYWAYS..........Im just kinda confused on how my schedule is suppose to work...it seems i dont have time for ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!, I go to bed LATE, get up early, cant keep up with the homeschooling or the house cleaning, got loads of yardwork that needs to be done...feeding the kids, etc etc and thats not even running errands and other stuff I am doing. Please share with me how ur days are, what time u wake up or go to bed, when u fit everything in, Schedules, tips, advice, whatever u can help me with!!! I feel like my home is messier than when I was working, I have no time to plan homeschooling! I am just completely LOST!

[HappyFox05]

I can't speak to the homeschooling stuff, but hopefully I can help w/some of your other needs. Forgive me if this is too simplistic:
1. Don't try to be perfect.

2. Learn how to prioritize - Ask what has to be done NOW, then what has to be done TODAY, then this week. Make a list. Mine's on a greaseboard I can see from anywhere in the kitchen/living room. That way you won't forget what you thought was important when you had a clear head (if you ever get to have one with all those LO's running around).

3. Give yourself a stop time, such as, "Unless someone's bleeding, throwing up, or we'll all end up naked tomorrow, I'm not doing housework (or whatever) past 7pm."

4. Go easy on yourself. Don't beat yourself up when you fail to meet a goal/deadline.

Ok, two-year old wants to play. Gotta go - hope that helps!

[kittywitty]

Go easy on yourself! I've been doing this for years and I still don't have a perfect system.

As for homeschooling-your kids are *really* young to worry about that. Little Acorn guides or FIAR books can help you with a gentle preschoolish way to look at things if you want to. Plus it's fun for all the kids. I also have the motivated moms calendar which helps tell me what to do when and I just do it whenever I get a spare moment or with the kids at night-we set a timer or put on however many minutes worth of music and run around like maniacs finishing stuff.

For feeding the kids-We have set meal times and eat simple things like sandwiches or soup and bread for lunches and snacks are always cut fruits & veggies with peanut butter or some dip. If you keep it the same most of the time, you can do it mindlessly with a baby in a sling. I would make up a meal plan of things you all like and can make with little fuss and just rotate through it. Make double portions when you do and freeze half for an instant meal on a rushed day. Or just keep a snack tray in the fridge and a bag of dried fruits and nuts for the big kids to snack on if they get hungry.

Can't your dh help with housework or yardwork at all?

I'm embarrassed to show my schedule right now as I'm pg and very tired. It's mainly waking up late, watching LOST, sewing my daughter's historical costume for the reenactment, and sitting outside watching the kids play. I clean when they are occupied and I have energy.

[HappyFox05]

Oh, and it's helped me tons to scedule both our meals & our days, even if we don't always stick to the schedule. I'll schedule a week out for activities and have gotten to where I can schedule two weeks for meals (I just don't have the energy or interest to go beyond that). The daily schedule is something like: Monday - play & do laundry; Tuesday - go to Playroom; Wednesday - go grocery shopping; Thursday - play & laundry; Friday - free day. Nothing big, but it helps a lot.

[cappuccinosmom]

Well, with so many and their ages, you are going to be really busy for a while. But you can stop the merry-go-round and feel a little less like you're chasing your tail.

I agree about prioritizing. What *has* to be done? Today? This week? This month? For the major things a house hold needs to run well, you should be able to split them up so you're doing only one or two per day. Pick a day or two for laundry only, and don't also try to go shopping on those days. And on the days you go shopping, don't try to also scrub down the bathrooms. And writing it down will help. You don't need to have a supermom organizational binder scheduling you down to the minute but having a list of seven meals posted in the kitchen (so you can shop for them and plan ahead a little) every week, and the day's to do list (keep it short) posted where you can see it should help a lot.

For homeschooling--the 4 and 5 year old don't need a whole day's worth. Because you have only two of them, and because they're with you all day, you could probably fit the actual formal school work into 15-30 minutes tops. The rest of what they need to know they will pick up from having conversations with you, having story time, and from their own play and observations. If you feel like they need more, there are many neat learning websites available. You could give them each a limited period of time to do one of those. And that would take one of them "out of the mix" and keep them occupied for that short time.

You could also sort toys into bins, and allow each child to pick one bin for "school time" while you take turns working with individual children on bookwork.

For food--keep it super simple. Stock up on healthy foods that don't need a lot of preparation, or else prepare it ahead so that you can just pull it out of the fridge and throw it on the table. And if they eat PB&J sandwiches with carrot sticks and apple slices 6 days a week for lunch, you are not a bad mom. Sometimes simplest is best.

The two things I find most helpful:
*Daily rest-time. I put the kids in their room with a book on CD, and a pile of books to read. For the span of the CD (40-60 min), the house is quiet. If you haven't done this, it might take some weeks or even a month or two to make this a habit all of them can keep, and it'd probably work best to have it at the same time your babies regularly nap.


*Keeping them pretty much in the same room at one time. If they're all over the place, I find myself feeling like I'm running around putting out fires. When we get up in the morning, they all stay in the room with me until everyone is dressed and beds are made, then we go downstairs together and everybody sits and the table while I bring out breakfast. So when it's story time, we *all* sit down and have a story. When it's TV time, they *all* watch. When it's play time, they play in the living room. When it's bath time, they're all in the tub or shower together, and nobody leaves until everybody is ready to leave.

[jolenegreen]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

Well, with so many and their ages, you are going to be really busy for a while. But you can stop the merry-go-round and feel a little less like you're chasing your tail.

I agree about prioritizing. What *has* to be done? Today? This week? This month? For the major things a house hold needs to run well, you should be able to split them up so you're doing only one or two per day. Pick a day or two for laundry only, and don't also try to go shopping on those days. And on the days you go shopping, don't try to also scrub down the bathrooms. And writing it down will help. You don't need to have a supermom organizational binder scheduling you down to the minute but having a list of seven meals posted in the kitchen (so you can shop for them and plan ahead a little) every week, and the day's to do list (keep it short) posted where you can see it should help a lot.

For homeschooling--the 4 and 5 year old don't need a whole day's worth. Because you have only two of them, and because they're with you all day, you could probably fit the actual formal school work into 15-30 minutes tops. The rest of what they need to know they will pick up from having conversations with you, having story time, and from their own play and observations. If you feel like they need more, there are many neat learning websites available. You could give them each a limited period of time to do one of those. And that would take one of them "out of the mix" and keep them occupied for that short time.

You could also sort toys into bins, and allow each child to pick one bin for "school time" while you take turns working with individual children on bookwork.

For food--keep it super simple. Stock up on healthy foods that don't need a lot of preparation, or else prepare it ahead so that you can just pull it out of the fridge and throw it on the table. And if they eat PB&J sandwiches with carrot sticks and apple slices 6 days a week for lunch, you are not a bad mom. Sometimes simplest is best.

The two things I find most helpful:
*Daily rest-time. I put the kids in their room with a book on CD, and a pile of books to read. For the span of the CD (40-60 min), the house is quiet. If you haven't done this, it might take some weeks or even a month or two to make this a habit all of them can keep, and it'd probably work best to have it at the same time your babies regularly nap.


*Keeping them pretty much in the same room at one time. If they're all over the place, I find myself feeling like I'm running around putting out fires. When we get up in the morning, they all stay in the room with me until everyone is dressed and beds are made, then we go downstairs together and everybody sits and the table while I bring out breakfast. So when it's story time, we *all* sit down and have a story. When it's TV time, they *all* watch. When it's play time, they play in the living room. When it's bath time, they're all in the tub or shower together, and nobody leaves until everybody is ready to leave.

OMG! You have gave me some AMAZING advice here! Thank you! But I did want to add that my childrens ages I must have posted wrong as I have a 5 and a 6 yr old I am homeschooling...which the 6 yr old is registrated through the school system and state and the 5 yr old dont have to be yet but I am trying to keep him up to date as my 6 yr old is soooo very behind becuase I didnt do much with hm when he was 4 and 5.

And...throw this into the mix...we are a high Raw Organic vegan family as well! Which also means I spend alot of the time in the kitchen!!!! Any ideas or thoughts on that with anyone...

and also...wondering what some of your sleep schedules are....lol...Im just DEAD by 8pm and would love love LOOOOOVE to crawl into bed BUT I find myself up until late at night planning homeschool, getting stuff around for morning, chopping veggies etc...

THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE!

[gothnurse3]

I only have 3 but I do everything in a group. We move together...no lost baby ducks...It keeps my "A" personality in check.

[WhiteHorse]

I am definitely not as experienced or as busy as these other moms, but just wanted to offer an easy tip that helps me alot with cleaning. I keep a container of Clorox wipes in both bathrooms and wipe down whenever I am in there for a few extra minutes - like when my 2 year old is sitting on the potty or taking a bath. I clean small areas often, instead of planning a big cleaning day like when I was working. Same in the kitchen, I wipe down and fill the dishwasher while I am getting dinner ready. Better yet, have the older two empty and load while you are fixing dinner! I wish I had a couple extra kids around for stuff like that! I know that sounds trite but I am alone here with just one most of the time (older ones and DH out all day) and have to entertain him and get everything done myeslf and he is too young to really help yet. With several children, you have to delegate tasks to them - even if its just entertaining the younger ones for a few minutes. If you put together a schedule, be sure to include tasks/goals for them to do. Expect that they won't do it exactly like you would, but help is help! If they were in school, they would have tasks to complete there, so make sure they have structure at home.. Don't try to be a restaurant at mealtime for the kids - make a weekly menu (have them help with choices) and stick to it. This will also help with shopping since you will only buy what you need for the menu. Hope that helps.

[kevinsgirl]

yep--great advice all--as always. I love this board.

A great resource if you like schedules, and even if you don't, (truly) is Managers of Their Homes by Teri Maxwell. It had a lot of great benefit for me.

Whitehorse is right on w/ your kids being able to help with cleaning. My 5 yo vacuums and 3 yo unloads dishwasher, stuff like that. I even act like it's a treat for them to get to do it and they love it.

I go to bed by 11 and husband lets me sleep until 8. Right now I couldn't function on less sleep--if he couldn't let me sleep that late, I would have to train myself to go to bed earlier.

I also usually rest during the older one's quiet time/baby's nap (1-3 in the afternoon) and not use it for catchup. Then I do have more energy to tackle what needs tackling.

I have a chart inside my cabinet I call 21 Meals--3 weeks of dinners planned, w/ similar meals on the same day (slow cook saturday, taco tuesday, grill thursday...ect) and I rotate through them. I've only recently started this, but have the goal in mind to plan lunches like this too. It's such a relief to open the cabinet in the morning and know what to plan for by the evening.

Could you have your 5 year old play w/ 20 mo (w/in eyesight ) & get some school done while 7 mo takes morning nap? Then switch older child? I don't know about the regulations in NY but your child is probably not as far behind as you think.

Just some thoughts--Best of luck! You are really need to give yourself time to get used to just being home! Don't let yourself fall into the guilt of having to earn it--you are giving your family a gift.