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What led you to the decision not to circ. - Page 2

post #21 of 115
The number one reason that lead me to be no circ was having a LTR with an intact man. That is what did it. As a teen, I did know some families with intact kids, but it didn't have the same impact as first hand experience.
post #22 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jude-a-buddies-mom View Post
Thanks everyone for the responses so far. I have never read the Mothering articles on the case against circumcision do you think if I had this it would useful to give to other moms or would you recommend other resources?
I absolutely recommend the article, you can print it out on the main mothering magazine site.
post #23 of 115
For me and my husband it was easy.

I'm from a non circumcising culture, he's a circ'd American. I said no way, he asked questions did some research and returned furious, depressed and adamant that that would never happen to his son.

Up until the conversation he was of the opinion, if someone asked him if he'd circ a son, that yes he would, it's just what's done.

This is an incredibly intelligent, logical, rational and caring man but as an American, the culture was so ingrained with him, he'd actually never given the subject any thought and would've automatically maintained the status quo because, well that's what happens when you have a boy.

I bet there are millions just like him which is why you should never pass up the opportunity to stick up for the foreskin (I know I've saved at least one future one) even if it means being the weird penis lady (or man).
post #24 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jude-a-buddies-mom View Post
What were the reasons that led you not to circumcise?joy
On the very first day of boarding school, in the communal shower room, I was shocked to realise that some boys had a penis that was different from my own. It was quite obvious that I was missing something and I instinctively knew that this was not a good thing. I have been against circumcision ever since. Obviously , the more I have learned, the more adamant I have become.
post #25 of 115
For me, it was my way of saying to my newborn son, "I love you so much that I want to keep you from harm"

Like some of you other parents, I was thinking that it instinctively felt wrong even before I read stats. Actually I didn't learn a lot about circumcision until after he was born and the decision to not circ had been made...I was kind of like ehhh, about the whole thing. But still didn't do the circ because it felt wrong.

After...I've read things here, watched a vid and that vid made me a thousand times glad that I hadn't done the circ. That was worth a thousand words and a million stats alone. I watched that Penn and Teller vid and that though, maybe meant to be funny, made A LOT of sense. My baby son, made me feel like an activist about this subject whereas beforehand I didn't care so much about the whole thing either way. So my son actually being here and seeing pics/vids of poor crying baby boys are the two things that made me not want to do it. Just the thought of someone doing that to my son makes my skin crawl and makes me want to flip out.

Lastly, a tiny part of me was glad I was sticking it to my inlaws. My mother inlaw asked, "WHY?!?!" when I told her I wasn't going to do a circ. It was just like she had never heard of such a thing. My father inlaw said you need a circ so your (and I quote)..."d*** will look right." and I said, "It does look right, that's why he was born that way" and he said nothing else. And lastly...I'm kind of a "Take THAT society!" kind of girl.
post #26 of 115
Babina's Mommy, I am also someone completly comfortable with going against the tide when I know that I am right.
The feelling I get knowing that I've saved my son from this harm is one of deep compassion and peace. I truly believe it's a humanitarian act and that this act of protection for my son radiates out into the universe. I hope he's a gentler more peaceful soul for not having to experience this pain and have it a part of himself to carry for life. Much as violence begets violence - the child spanked grows up to be a spanker with their own children - I hope that gentleness begets gentleness.
The point I am making is that I see it as a much bigger isue than just my own specific son. How we treat the young and the elderly speaks volumns about our society. I think we have a long way to go but I am eased to know that I have contributed kindly to the shaping of a new person.
post #27 of 115
I saw a photo of a baby in a circumstraint, draped, with a bloody penis. The photo made me cry and that was that.
post #28 of 115
I was always kind of indifferent to it, and didn't think too much about it. Though I did kind of wonder why people still did it. Then, after my sister had her first ds, some moms in my pottery class said, "Call her and tell her not to have him circ'd." One of the moms had a son my age and didn't circ. him, the other mom had to sons (about 3 and 5) who were circ'd. They both agreed that circumcision was not good, though they didn't really get into why. The mom that had her sons circ'd just said that she wished she hadn't.

Then later that year I became pregnant and started to think, what if this is a boy? Dh and I talked about it, and he said we might as well go ahead and do it because he didn't know anything about intact penises. But that wasn't a good enough reason for me. So I started asking other moms about it. And pretty much the consensus was that if they had, they wish they hadn't; and if they didn't, they were glad they didn't. At the same time, I was still in college and a girl in my film class was doing a short film on female circ. And that really made me want to educate myself a bit more too. So I think it was all of these things combined that really got me to do some investigating. Also this is what what was running through my head the whole time, "The decision to circ. will change a part of my son's body FOREVER, I'd better have a good reason for doing it." And I never found a good reason.
post #29 of 115
DH is circ'ed, and at first I thought I would go ahead and circ - I never encounted an intact man myself IRL. But then we decided to do natural birth, then homebirth, and no interventions... and I started to feel like circ'ing did not make any sense - were were making gentle and natural choices, and then... a cut for cosmetics? And THEN I started doing research and went from being on the fence to being totally against. It took a little bit to convince DH, and I had to be cautious so as not to hurt his feelings (he hates the "mutilation" argument, and I can understand that because it was done to him)... but he came around.
One of his first pro- arguments was the typical "we need to match" thing. And then I pointed out he only had one testicle - should we get rid of DS's extra? That ended that particular defense.
post #30 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by nd_deadhead View Post
1. That's GOT to HURT!
2. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
3. Boys are born with a foreskin; it must be there for a reason.
4. "Look like Daddy" wasn't a concern."
Yeah that!
post #31 of 115
I didn't even find out what it was until I was a teenager. I read about it in a very alternative childbirth book that I found in my high school library (1970's). So I found out about it in the context of reading very critically about all kinds horrible things that it was common practice at the time to do to new mothers and babies. Because of how I found out about it, I guess I've always had a negative view of it, but further research (especially once I had internet access) had made me much more adamant about it.

It was kind of a surprise to realize for the first time that all penises I had ever seen had been surgically altered. I had a hard time believing that it really mostly wasn't practiced outside the U.S., until I was leafing through a book about The Who and saw a picture of Keith Moon sprawled out naked. Then I realized it really was true.
post #32 of 115
1. It's not medically necessary.

2. All surgery comes with risk.

It really was that simple for me. Luckily my DH was very much against having it done for mostly the same reasons, plus the sexual losses that go with it, so there wasn't a fight.
post #33 of 115
I have two younger brothers, one intact and one circ'ed. I never knew what circumcision was, just that they looked different from each other. I became aware of circumcision when I was a teenager. When I was 16, my cousin had a new baby and we were visiting her right after her son was born. I saw her change his diaper and saw his red, angry, newly circ'ed penis, and I decided I would never do that to my son.

It took a lot of discussion to leave my son intact, but he has a foreskin and I am so, so glad. That was a non-negotiable issue for me, but it's difficult being married to someone who is extremely pro-circ.
post #34 of 115
I just kinda started from the position that I need to have a reason to cut off parts of my children's bodies. I never found one, so we never did it.
post #35 of 115
I'd always intended to leave any boys I had intact. Then, when I was pregnant with ds1, my ex and I took a prenatal class (hospital based). During one of the classes, the instructor passed around a poster, showing various things we could expect when we had our newborn - "baby zits", "stork bites", the soft spot, etc. The poster included a picture of a freshly circ'd newborn penis, and an intact newborn penis. I took one look at the picture of the circ, turned to my ex, and said, "in case I wasn't clear before, that will be done to my baby over my dead body - and I may well come back and haunt the person who does it". He believed me.
post #36 of 115
I chose to notcirc because my son father(ex) is not circ'ed so I said well I will just leave him alone not really thinking too much of it . Then when I told mom about it she said he's going to be really sick with all these infections & diseases so I said okay I will look some more researching of what all those potential infection and disease problems which is how i came to find those were flawed studies saw more of the circ stuff which creeped me out totally even after I saw a video ofit I couldn't even get through the beginning wondering how they ever allowed that stuff to happen because i thought it was down right Cruel and twisted .

So then I spout off stuff to mom about it and she's like it's good you have a cause but she gets annoyed because she don't want to hear me talking about it .
post #37 of 115
I grew up around intact boys and men who were (or appeared to be) circ'd, so I just thought that the appearance was linked to the process of maturation for the longest time... I think I was also in high school when I found out about circumcision and saw my first intact penis on a post-pubescent male, which I thought was "weird" and I befriended a guy who was adamantly pro-circ, so I basically became pro-circ and was (ironically) relieved to find out that DH was circ'd when I met him.

THEN I saw a circ'd baby for the first time. He was at least a year old, too, so it wasn't a fresh cut, but it still looked painfully WRONG to me and that's when I started to question it. The more I found out about circumcision, the less sense it made to me. I started to discuss it with DH, who didn't want to discuss it, but kept insisting that it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be and for a while i worried that this would be an issue when we had children. Then I became familiar with circumcision rates in Nova Scotia and talked to my friend, who has 2 intact boys, and I realized it wasn't even going to be an issue. It's not offered in hospital here. I'm sure it could be arranged if the parents asked, but it is not covered by medicare or insurance and we would have to go through the extra effort of arranging it ourselves, which I knew DH would not do, so I just dropped the subject, and it never came up after DS was born.
post #38 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by nd_deadhead View Post

1. That's GOT to HURT!
2. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
3. Boys are born with a foreskin; it must be there for a reason.
4. "Look like Daddy" wasn't a concern.

"There is nothing wrong with my son's penis - thank goodness he doesn't need an operation!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer View Post
From the time I learned what circumcision was, I have been against it. I just didn't understand why one would remove a natural part of the body. It didn't make sense.

It wasn't until I decided to have children that I really looked into the issue and became informed on the the anatomy of the foreskin and the procedure of circumcision. But before I had the facts, I had an instinctual sense that it was wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babina's Mommy View Post
For me, it was my way of saying to my newborn son, "I love you so much that I want to keep you from harm"
All of the above reasons and more. I grew up with two little sisters, no brothers. It never came up as a child. I had a few partners along the way who were intact, but like most American women of my generation, most were circ'ed. The incirc'ed ones were "weird" and "different".

But the more I thought about it after I encountered them, the more I was shocked at how many men in the US were genitally mutilated. I thought of it that way. Yes, their penises still functioned, but were altered permanently, and it probably sucked when they were little to have it done!

When I found out I was having a son, my partner and I were immediately on the same page-NO CIRC. We had it spelled out in caps and bold type on our birthplan in at least 3 places, and my DP went with the baby while I recovered to ensure nothing was done to our child that we did not want.
post #39 of 115
I did some research while pregnant and decided that I leaned more to the side of not doing it, but was open to discussion with DP. He leaned a little more to the side of doing it, but wasn't sure, either. We were pretty much on the fence. When DS was born (and we found out he was a boy) we realized we actually had to make a decision. We went back & forth several times. We talked to the nurses (pretty ambivalent) & pedi at the hospital. The pedi was for it (but did say it was ultimately up to us) and we scheduled a circ for the next morning. For the most part we were more against doing it - I'm not really sure why we caved.

The morning before the circ, we had a new nurse who asked what we had decided. She flat out told us that she didn't think we should do it. (We really were still going back & forth trying to decide.) She told us several things that we already knew: there's really no medical reason, it's all cosmetic, etc. The thing she said that finally got us to stop & think was that she knew for a fact that the doctors who performed the circs did not allow their sons to be circ-ed. She said that most of the doctors who worked there had intact sons. I am forever grateful to her for being so direct, honest, & persuasive with us. Now that I have done more research, I am so happy DS is intact. I hadn't discovered MDC yet when I was PG, so did not read here until more recently.
post #40 of 115
Quote:
Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer View Post
The feelling I get knowing that I've saved my son from this harm is one of deep compassion and peace. I truly believe it's a humanitarian act and that this act of protection for my son radiates out into the universe. I hope he's a gentler more peaceful soul for not having to experience this pain and have it a part of himself to carry for life. Much as violence begets violence - the child spanked grows up to be a spanker with their own children - I hope that gentleness begets gentleness.
I believe that there is much truth in this statement - so well said!!
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