I HATE nursing SO MUCH

[brennan]

I HATE HATE HATE nursing. I can`t stand it. I hate how my dd always bugs me and lifts up my shirt and pulls at my breasts. I hate how she screams if I tell her to wait. I hate having to find a private place in this not very bf friendly town as dd is a crazy acrobatic nurser. And the worst of all, I HATE nursing dd to sleep! I`m just so tired of nursing her and I don`t know what to do. I had planned on CLW her, but I don`t know if I can make it. She`s 17 months now and I don`t think that I can go that much longer. Its killing dh, as I am crabby and crying all the time. I don`t know what to do. She nurses like a newborn, probably even more than she did when she was little.
How do you all make it so far? How do I get passed this? Thanks

[zinemama]

Sounds to me like weaning might be the best thing for you. You have done fantastically to nurse 17 months. You've given your dd health benefits that are irreplaceable. It's ok to stop. Really, it is.

I nursed ds till he was 3, but it was easy and I really didn't mind it. If nursing had been making me cry, if I'd hated it, if it was effecting other areas of life as negatively as it is for you, I wouldn't have done it. No way. I didn't have a whole lot invested in nursing for a long time. It just happened.

You need to take care of yourself. You shouldn't keep doing something you hate this much. It's not good for anyone.

[Maela]

I am not CLW, so I don't know if this will help:
It was at 18mos that I started setting limits. We stopped nursing in public (except at family and friends' houses) unless we were out for many many hours (Disneyland). Then at about 21 months we nightweaned and 22-23mos Dada started putting her to bed. Like you, by that time, I HATED putting her to bed most nights. It was no longer fun. Each time a change was made, we would talk to her about it a couple of weeks beforehand and every day up until the change. She got it mostly. Hardly any crying, although I'm not sure if it was just so easy because I was pregnant and most of my milk had dried up by the time she was 21 months.

Are you willing to do any of that? If you hate bedtime so much, maybe just that. Could your partner try putting her to sleep?

[brennan]

I would love to night wean, but I just don't know if I really could, you know? I feel really trapped by this all, because if I don't nurse her she hits and screams and pulls out my hair and lifts up my shirt, so I don't know how to stop you know? I don't know if my partner would put her to sleep, he does a great job and will walk her to sleep some nights to give me a little break, but I still have to nurse her once I get her home, its just for less time. Ugh, I don't know, I just can't stand things the way they are right now!

[TiredX2]

You sound *really* burnt out and that's not good for anyone.

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but you are at a REALLY hard time for nursing. It's funny how you said that she nurses like a newborn, because with a toddler I always think, "Yeah, they nurse just like a newborn if you have a 25 lb newborn who likes to claw and bite while pretending to be a gymnast while nursing!"

From my experience (nursing and knowing people who nurse) there is a time midway through the 2nd year that is just... hard. Not great sleep. Inconsiderate. Lots of gyrations. Very demanding. Then, somewhere around 22, 23, 24, 25 months it just become... easier. Not necessarily easier, but you see a lot more moms saying, "Wow, is she weaning" or "DS is suddenly sleeping through the night." I think it's because at 17, 18, 19 months they are really ramping up for a huge language explosion AND a big independence explosion. Their brain is changing so very quickly, they are really starting to understand things and they just go haywire for a little while.

That said, 17 months IS old enough to start learning some basic nursing manners. One thing that I found helpful was a tighter hold. So, instead of letting DD flop as much try getting her into a true snug cradle hold. Different things work for different people. When my kids were really trying to tweak the other nipple I would nurse lying on my side and only let them have the top side (so the other nipple was tucked under me). If you're having lots of problems with kicking, try to get into a position where their legs are more contained. Try to get their face more towards you (don't let them get in a cradle hold and then flop on their back--- that pulls your nipple AND encourages them to kick at the same time).

It also sounds like you need a little more "me" time. Even time alone to take a bath or read a book can make a huge difference. Are you eating well? Drinking enough? Can you take a walk or talk to a friend?

My suggestion for now (beyond wait it out, which is, unfortunately, the only foolproof suggestion for this issue) is what it always is: make a list of the things that bother you the most or that you most want to change and then brainstorm ways to fix them. A lot of times nursing gets blamed and then when you really look at it it's not so much a *nursing* issue, but something that is happening around nursing (like a lack of time to yourself, lack of bodily integrity, etc...).

Good luck I know it probably won't help right now, but I have an 8 & 11 year old and I would give a *lot* to get to go back and have even one more pretty hellish day with the sweet babies they were.

[notneb]

If nursing is causing so much resentment in your relationship with your DD, you need to make some changes. I would encourage you to go slowly and set limits until your feelings towards the nursing relationship change. It may be that setting some boundaries and enforcing nursing manners will turn things around, or it may be that you need to night wean or limit nursing in public. Even if you need to wean altogether, it's better to wean than to nurse at the expense of growing resentment at your child. But it's likely that as you set boundaries, you are able to enjoy nursing your DD again.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by brennan

I would love to night wean, but I just don't know if I really could, you know? I feel really trapped by this all, because if I don't nurse her she hits and screams and pulls out my hair and lifts up my shirt, so I don't know how to stop you know?

What happens if you walk away? I know that my kids would follow me and scream if I shut a door between me and them, but it definatley got the message across.

What I generally did was if they would bit/hit/scratch was pull them off and say, "Do you want to nurse?" If they expressed yes, I would say, "then you need to be gentle with mommy" If the hurting behavior continued I would "up" my response--- put them off my lap and saying somehting like, "Oh, I guess you must be done. What do you want to do now?"

It is *hard* in the moment, but try to think how frustrated your DD must be feeling too--- I really doubt her goal is to hurt you but toddlers have so much to express and so few ways to do so.

[brennan]

I certainly hope that it gets better with age, I seem to be having a really hard time with parenting in general at this age, I hope that it gets better

I think that nursing might be getting blamed for a whole bunch of problems that I'm having with her, and that is just what is annoying me the most.

Thanks so much for everyone's advice, I don't really want to wean you know....I think I'm just going to have to work on my patience a little bit more....

[PGTlatte]

I completely agree with all of this....it is really good advice.

Originally Posted by notneb

If nursing is causing so much resentment in your relationship with your DD, you need to make some changes. I would encourage you to go slowly and set limits until your feelings towards the nursing relationship change. It may be that setting some boundaries and enforcing nursing manners will turn things around, or it may be that you need to night wean or limit nursing in public. Even if you need to wean altogether, it's better to wean than to nurse at the expense of growing resentment at your child. But it's likely that as you set boundaries, you are able to enjoy nursing your DD again.

If you are this unhappy, you need to make some changes. You could start with gently and gradually setting limits around the specific things that bug you the most. Nursing a toddler has its benefits, but IMO it is not something that should become such a negative to the mother that it casts a negative tone over your entire relationship with your child and experience of motherhood.

[Lilygoose]

Originally Posted by brennan

I certainly hope that it gets better with age, I seem to be having a really hard time with parenting in general at this age, I hope that it gets better

I think that nursing might be getting blamed for a whole bunch of problems that I'm having with her, and that is just what is annoying me the most.

Thanks so much for everyone's advice, I don't really want to wean you know....I think I'm just going to have to work on my patience a little bit more....

Its not always just about the mom sucking it up. yes, we all try to find as much patience as we can at this age (My DD is 18 months), but I think this is also a time when we don't realize how well our kids will listen to some simple boundaries, if we stick to our guns. Plus they're so emotional that if we set a boundary they don't like a big tantrum can ensue and we feel like bad, mean mammas. i recently started imposing a few more boundaries on my DD and the first couple of times she flipped, but I helped her work through it (with calm support or even sometimes letting her work it out while telling her I was there for her when she wanted me) and after a couple of times she really started respecting thos boundaries. Perhaps as a previous poster suggested establishing some nursing boundaries might help your situation. Or in other areas if there are other problems. Hugs to you.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I agree that just about every mom out there could use to work on their patience level more, but I don't think that's the answer here.

If your DD is showing behaviors that are not ok (hitting, screaming, pulling your hair, etc) whether nursing or not, that is not something to simply put up with. She will need to learn that those things are not ok to ways to treat other people at some point, so you may as well start now.

Best of luck. I went through a phase where I was just DONE as well when DD was around 13 months old. She was wanting to nurse 15-20 times a day. Now at 19 months she is down to twice a day with some gentle help from me (I took her down to 4-5 times and then she dropped a couple more on her own). Setting limits made life much more doable for me and nursing much more enjoyable for both of us. She nurses for a long time when she does now (upon waking in the morning and afternoon), but it's while snuggling quietly and calmly up next to me instead of the acrobatics we were dealing with!

[D_McG]

I agree with everyone about boundaries/limits. I waited too long to do that with DS and got to where you are. It was awful. With DD round about a year I stopped nursing outside the house and worked so that I cut us down to 3x day (plus overnights). It wasn't painless or tear free but I would rather her cry because I'm setting limits than cry because I'm weaning altogether. I brought us to a place where things are very comfortable now.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You are modeling respect for your body. It's your body. You decide what to do with it. She's a lucky little girl!

[stephienoodle]

Boundaries are great! My DS just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago and we've gone through this on and off over the last few months. For quite some time, when he'd do something that really irritated me while nursing (feet in my neck, pushing hard into my arms with his feet, picking at my face, lifting my shirt way up) I'd ask him to stop. If he didn't stop, I'd ask him again and warn him that if he continued he'd be all done with milk. If he did it a 3rd time, I'd put him in the floor and move away.

Yes, he pitches tantrums about it. But, he's also gotten more respectful over time and seems to understand (for the most part) that he really does need to do what I ask in regards to nursing so that he can continue nursing. When he gears up to pitch those fits about having his milk access cut off, I just calmly tell him that this is my body and if he'd like to have milk he needs to respect that and treat me kindly. Usually after a minute or two he will calm down and we are able to go back to nursing without the offending behavior.

For us the "nursing like a newborn" died down when his last molars cut... so hopefully that will calm down for you soon!

[MountainMamaGC]

That was about the time I set boundaries. It was a tough week but she got used to it. For me I was comfortable BFing 4 times a day at that point. I picked her 4 most important feedings and if she asked any other time I told her to wait until _____ feeding. She had morning feeding, a nap feeding, a supper feeding and a bedtime feeding. I stood firm and she pushed back at first but she got it after a few days.