I feel like I went wrong

[MeredithK]

DS is 6 months old and I feel like I messed up. Well, not really messed up, but should have done things different. For almost every nap and all evening, DS sleeps on me on a pillow. Most of this is because when I would put him down, he would wake up. Now, it's 6 months later and it doesn't seem to be working for everyone any more. DH is tired of having to be quiet and to tip toe around, and for me, well, having DS on my lap for 3 hours straight and 3 naps a day is starting to take a toll on my body.

I was just doing what seemed like needed to be done for the baby. I was scared to put him down and I didn't like not having him with me. I didn't want him to cry or be upset.

But now, I need to change things and it's so hard!! Emotionally and physically. Any BTDT stories to share? Sympathy? Support? Thanks, mamas!

[mamabutterfly]

Don't be hard on yourself! They are tiny for such a short time. Snuggles aren't wasted time, so don't feel bad about that.

However, sounds like this isn't working for you (and dh) now, and you don't feel like it's sustainable long term. But don't feel like it now needs to stay that way. You created some habits, but you can create new ones too. Your babe will adapt to a new way of sleeping. He's older now, so some gentle sleep routines make sense. You could check out Elizabeth Pantley or Jay Gordon's websites/books if you want to think about how to transition to different gentle sleep routines.

It will take a transition period, there might be some resistance at first. Make a plan and try it out for more than a day or two.

Good luck! You will be so glad to have some time when baby is sleeping and you can... do whatever!

[dislocator3972]

My DD's sleep patterns always seem to change a day or two after I reach the 'what have I been thinking?! Why did I let this happen?' stage. She still loves to nap on a pillow on our laps too, but she's started letting us slide her (very, VERY carefully and slowly) onto the couch or floor after she's in a good deep sleep. We move her and have to cuddle in very close while she settles back down. We put our hands on either side of her face, sing our sleepy song, or 'shhhhh, shhhh' very quietly and she'll go back to sleep off my lap.

Good luck!

[JamieCatheryn]

You have been responding to your baby's needs, there is nothing wrong with that! Babies are born having been held within us 24/7 up to that point, of course many of them will take a while to transition away from the comfort of closeness. It will happen though. There may be tears and some missed sleep if you need to lay her down and she doesn't want that, try all the comforting you can, be brave, and be patient.

DS1 always had a hard time going down to sleep, for a long time in infancy I had to nurse then DH had to pace back and forth to get him to quiet down and nod off. In later infancy and toddlerhood I'd lay next to him and nurse to sleep. After 18 months, nurse then cuddle until he was out, and after he weaned til now, a long time of stories and talking and praying together, glass of water, and a kiss goodnight. A lot of times he'd complain, crying as a baby, shouting as a 2-3 year old, just announcing his dissent as a 4yo, but it always ends eventually.

DS2 has been easy except during teething, nurse to sleep and sneak off.

[BlueWolf]

My DD would only sleep in her swing for months. I kept thinking, "Oh no! What have I done?! I've created a nap monster." But with a little patience, a couple weeks dedication... I've altered her naps to her sleeping in bed. She now sleeps longer and harder than she ever did in her swing.

Don't worry, mama. They're so young at this point that it's still very easy to "Fix" things or put them on a different track.

[TzippityDoulah]

It sounds like you got some good advice.... I just wanted to second the idea that none of those naps were a waste! your bay needed it and likely you did too. if it's no longer working them move in a new directions now. but don't regret the cuddles of the past

[MeredithK]

Thank you for all of the support. It means a lot. I have read the NCSS and NCNS books. I just have a hard time deciding which is better...he sleeps super on me or crappy not on me. He's a fussy guy and a bad night sleeper (happened a month ago), so when he's overtired it's hard on everyone.

I guess I'm just going to have to deal with 10-20 minute naps if I want him to sleep elsewhere. I'm not sure it's worth it!! But, I'll keep trying.

[Mama Khi]

Have you tried wearing him? He would still be on you but you wouldn't be confined to sitting holding him.

[MeredithK]

Originally Posted by Mama Khi

Have you tried wearing him? He would still be on you but you wouldn't be confined to sitting holding him.

Yes, but it takes a really long time to get him to sleep and then I can't sit down with him. It works when we are out and about but not as well at home. I should try again sometime though.

[mamabutterfly]

It wouldn't stay as 20 minutes crappy naps though. Give him time to get used to something else (& experiment w/ dark shades & white noise). Also, did you just hit pre-teething age? Maybe give something for teeth before bedtime?

[BlueWolf]

Your 10-20 minute naps with him napping alone will probably start getting longer and longer - slowly over time. It will be much easier once it's more of a routine for him.

[MeredithK]

Originally Posted by mamabutterfly

It wouldn't stay as 20 minutes crappy naps though. Give him time to get used to something else (& experiment w/ dark shades & white noise). Also, did you just hit pre-teething age? Maybe give something for teeth before bedtime?

He actually already has 2 teeth! I think more are on the way. We have tried Tylenol and Motrin. It's hit or miss if it helps.

[MeredithK]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf

Your 10-20 minute naps with him napping alone will probably start getting longer and longer - slowly over time. It will be much easier once it's more of a routine for him.

Do you think that I need to do the same thing for every nap (put him down) or is it ok to have one nap on me to make sure he gets at least one good nap in? How did you make the switch from the swing?

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by MeredithK

Do you think that I need to do the same thing for every nap (put him down) or is it ok to have one nap on me to make sure he gets at least one good nap in? How did you make the switch from the swing?

For the switch from the swing, I started out with one nap still in the swing, and one nap in bed for about a week. Then I phased the nap in the swing out and just had the naps in bed. I still have to be in bed with her the full nap, but I'm not protesting too much about that because I need the extra sleep (her nighttime sleeping has been a disaster lately). She's starting to let me creep out of bed now while she sleeps on.

It was a hard transition for me... I had to get out of the habit of just plunking her into the swing. It wasn't easy the first week but things have smoothed out. I just had to dedicate myself fully to the thought and not give myself a cop out of "oh well, if she doesn't nap well I can just put her in the swing". I kind of pretended that the swing was broken and that I had no other option.

She naps MUCH better now and a lot longer than she ever has before. So, it's been a positive change, although a rough one on mommy.

You can do it! Just give yourself a break the first week.

[TzippityDoulah]

we did this for a while when my littlest was smaller:

we got a bassinet with a vibrator. (the kind with the detachabale vibrator - but you can also buy one separately I believe) you can hold the vibrator while your baby falls to sleep on you and then transfer baby (with vibrator and all) into the bassinet once he falls to sleep. the calming feeling of constant vibration helps ease the transition of movement from person to bed. it didn't work perfectly every time but it was an improvement. We also use a white noise machine always.

[Pookietooth]

Have you tried swaddling? It helps keep my dd asleep (I put her in the swaddle after she falls asleep). White noise? Putting her in a separate room?

[MeredithK]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf

It was a hard transition for me... I had to get out of the habit of just plunking her into the swing. It wasn't easy the first week but things have smoothed out. I just had to dedicate myself fully to the thought and not give myself a cop out

I think this is part of my problem. It's so much easier for him to just fall asleep on me and it's been our thing for 6 months, it's hard to change. Thanks for sharing your process.

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

you can hold the vibrator while your baby falls to sleep on you and then transfer baby (with vibrator and all) into the bassinet once he falls to sleep.

Never thought about this! I may have to try it.

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

Have you tried swaddling? It helps keep my dd asleep (I put her in the swaddle after she falls asleep). White noise? Putting her in a separate room?

We always use white noise. We haven't swaddled him since he was a newborn. I tried once recently and he wasn't very happy about it. I do't know how you put it on while she's asleep! DS is super sensitive to any movement or noise. He'd wake in a second. I'll have to try again while he's awake.

[j_p_i]

I was definitely in this habit with my DD too, it was just so much easier to let her sleep on me because she would get a nice long nap and then not be cranky the rest of the day. I started transitioning her by laying in bed with her and then nursing her to sleep. After she was sleeping I would sneak out from the bed. Sometimes she would wake up after a few minutes but gradually she started taking longer naps (and not really needing much nursing time, it takes less than 5 minutes to get her to sleep now, as long as she's tired!)

I am now in the habit of nursing her every time I want to get her to sleep, so it's sort of trading one habit for another, but it works for us so far! I feel like I get a little 'me' time during the day and am able to get things done around the house.

Good luck!

[tzs]

you're not alone. i created a "swaddle monster" and although i know i have to do something and soon, there's always a reason to wait. "she hasn't been sleeping well...we're travelling...she's teething....i'm tired."

good luck!

[akind1]

as far as the teething goes, have you tried teething tablets - hyland's? - they work well for us and are homeopathic rather than pharmaceutical. they have in them stuff to help sleep as well as relieve pain, cool baby off, and just calm.

Naps will gradually get better. I swaddle DS for naps only, as then I'm usually laying him down awake - drowsy, but awake - bedtime he is usually zonked out when I lay him down and wouldn't notice if he were wearing armor, a swaddle, r nothing at all! LOL