Were you 100% ready when you started ttc #2?

[bluedaisy]

Our dd is 17 months and we know we want at least one more.

I would love to have my kids relatively close in age (3 yrs or less apart) but I just don't feel "ready". I just keep thinking, Not quite yet.

My dd still doesn't sttn, she still bf and I feel like I have to be ready for the possibility that she may self wean if I get pg.

I am finally getting the hang of managing errands with one kid and am able to get more done around the house now than when she was younger.

I had a relatively easy pregnancy but the thought of all the nausea, exhaustion, huge belly, back pain, etc makes me want to delay it. I had a pretty good natural hospital birth adn would love a homebirth with the next one, but the birth was PAINFUL...I'm not really excited about going through that pain.

Then some days I get crazy baby fever and can't wait to have another one, and dd is so social I think she'll love having a sibling. I loved dd's baby stage and am excited for another little one.

So, did you feel 100% ready when you started ttc? Is it normal to have these mixed feelings, or should I wait until I feel more "ready"? At this point, DH isn't ready yet so it's a moot point. I'm relatively young (29) so the biological clock isn't a factor at this point.

But I'm just curious what made you feel like you were ready to try for the next one?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I was 100% ready to ttc #2 I knew I wanted them to be at least 4 years apart and knowing it took 2 years to have dd due to the depo shot I expected it would take 2 with ds and it actually did.

The only things I had doubts about was the fact that dd had allergies, eczma and asthma and I was told that #2 would have a greater than 70% chance of having it. The other thing was the severe ppd and sleep deprivation I went through with dd.

[Red Pajama]

I didn't want to be pregnant until my twins were at least two years. When we started looking at the financial side of things (things would be much cheaper if I could be pregnant and deliver in the same calendar year) we quickly realized we were in a "now or wait for 9 months" situation. So I'd say I was not 100 percent ready. I became ready, thankfully!

[neetling]

No way. I was nursing our first and hadn't even gotten a postpartum period yet. She was 7 months old. I thought I'd at least get one warning period. Surprise surprise (although a welcome one)

[rightkindofme]

Well, I caught the first postpartum period... and had a miscarriage. That one probably would have been a bit close. If I'm remembering correctly the kids would have been ~17 months apart. But we waited a bit after that before we actively started to conceive and I did feel very ready. We had another loss before this current pregnancy and these kids will be 27 months apart. I think that's about perfect for what I want spacing-wise.

[IAMommy]

We got pregnant about three months before we had planned to start trying. I had wanted to get pregnant when DS was 18 months old (it is apparently easier on your body with this gap instead of sooner), but it ended up happening when he was 15 months. I was about 85% ready, but my body was 100%.

I like the fact that they will be two years apart, but I was really sad to lose the nursing relationship with DS. He weaned when I was about 5 or 6 months pregnant. You have to prepare yourself for the possibility that your milk may dry up. I'm still grieving over this.

That being said, we'll probably space our third about the same, maybe waiting a few more months, but I like the two to three year gap. We might reevaluate depending on how it goes with these two - we're expecting this second one any day now.

[Norasmomma]

Yes, that is until I was actually pregnant with a non-stop 2 y/o and then I was like WTH was I thinking?!

It is awesome now though, our kids are 3 years and 3 weeks apart and it is perfect. DD helps take care of DS and they love each other so much.

[nola79]

No, I was not 100% ready, and I did have mixed feelings, but we conceived right away and now we are very happy.

[KarenEMT]

I was 100% ready, but then again my older two are 7 yrs apart

[Linda on the move]

I thought I was, and then reality set in.

[mamadelbosque]

Not really. *I* knew I wanted another dc, DH, not so much. I got pregnan when ds1 was 19 months old and definetly *not* STTN or anywhere close to weaning. He nursed right through with zero problems (I was actually hoping he'd wean... he didn't do so till a couple months after ds2 was born), and we finally got him out of our bed ~ 24-25 months, and at 3 he now does, *usually!!* sleep through the night... last night he was up FOUR times though. Ugh.

[Alyantavid]

Maybe 75% ready? By the time we actually conceived, I was more than ready.

My kids are 4 years 3 months apart. I wanted them around 3 years apart, but it took longer than we'd imagined. When my oldest was 17 months, I was not even close to being ready for another.

[SweetPotato]

My dd is 4.5yo, and I'm still not ready-- and so we still don't have another I read a post here on MDC quite some time ago where someone relayed being told that having a baby is like getting a tatto on your face-- you should want it THAT much! I think that's really solid advice. It's a whole other human being- and will seriously affect your life and those of your husband and other child. Having one child, obviously you already know that- but I think it's sometimes easy for people to fall into thinking about the picture of a family in their head- which can be different from the actual family in the present. Ideas of child spacing, etc. are good to think about, but I do think that how you feel right now is also really important. If biology hasn't pressed you into a "now or never" scenario, then I see no reason to rush yourself.

[K1329]

I think some mixed emotions are totally normal! We knew we wanted #2, but, "dreaded" the sleepless nights and knew it would be a tough couple of years (pregnancy, newborn). We had mixed emotions, but, knew that in the end it would all be worth it. And it was! We now have a 3 yr. old and a 6 yr. old. They love each other, play together great, and I wouldn't change a thing!

But, personally, I wasn't ready when dd was 17 mos. You might be alot closer to ready in just a few short months!

[zannster]

No. And I was pretty sure I never would be 100% ready. I was always ambivalent. It's no surprise then that I'm finding the adjustment (to two) difficult.

[StrawberryFields]

Not really. We wanted the kids to be 2 years apart so we just went with that, even though ds was nursing, not sttn, etc etc. We knew he would change a lot during the 9 months and it all worked out. Same with #3.

[nina_yyc]

No, I'd say 75% ready. I worried about my oldest handling transitional phases while I was pregnant/PP and there are lots of transitions between 2 and 3. That said, I would have preferred closer siblings but it took a while TTC.

One thing to keep in mind is that when you have your second baby, it's not like having your first baby again. Now, there are easy babies and difficult babies, and there's no guarantee your second is going to be one of the former, but you and your DH are so much more experienced and your relationship is already in a parenting groove. It makes a huge difference.

[lovingmylife]

I was going to wait longer to TTC again but we had a surprise pregnancy and I am due any day with a little girl. I think I would have been to chicken to TTC again for quite awhile. BTW my kids will be 4.5 years apart.

[InMediasRes]

Given that #2 was a surprise, no, I was not ready at all. My DS was still having significant sleep problems and was a very difficult toddler.

But now DD is 14mo and I am more than ready for #3. Go figure.

[JessieBird]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I thought I was, and then reality set in.

Me too. I reluctantly went back to work when DS was 12 mo and all I could think about was getting out of work. We get 12 mos paid mat leave here and DH and I had always agreed I would SAH once we had two kids. We definitely also wanted our kids close together but I have to be honest and say it was wanting to quit my job that led to baby fever, not really any logical readiness for #2. We started TTC as soon as I got PPAF when DS was 11 mo. I thought it would take much longer but bango I was preg within three months. I was overjoyed...

Then reality set in. I was horribly sick, to the point of being hospitalized for HG, and completely out of commission for eight weeks. My mom had to move in to help us and that was very difficult. DS rejected me completely and would shake his head no when DH would try to bring him to me. It was truly the worst time of my life.

Now I've bounced back. DS has started to nurse again, I'm feeling better, I'm starting to feel the baby move, and I only have five more months of a job I hate. So I am getting excited about being pregnant but now the reality of having two under two is terrifying me and if I could do it again, I'd leave another year in between.

Ask again in a year, hopefully by then I'll be saying that my fears were overblown and that I have no regrets!