Deciding to have another baby....

[UrbanSimplicity]

X-POST I realized this is the appropriate forum!

How does one go about this? Have you been on the fence and had to choose?

We have 2 dds and for so many reasons, that is enough for us. Dh does not want more children, mostly I think because he (correctly) feels like our resources - time, money, energy, are already stretched thin. We live in nyc and have an amazing parenting and homeschool community here - but we do not have friends or extended family and have no outside help except a sitter for 5 hours a week (at $20/ hour). At the end of the day I am frazzled. Exhausted. I get stressed. In a way, that's just how I am, I am always striving to be calmer and stronger, but it's a work in progress. Dh and I have been on the verge of divorce more than once. But things in that regard have improved.

Sometimes I feel like I have just the perfect family, I love being with my 2 girls who are just 2 years apart. But, the longing for another......being a mom, and attachment parenting in particular, have brought me some of the greatest joys and proudest moments of my life. I have a connection with my daughters unlike any other relationship I have known, SO MUCH LOVE. It makes me want more. When I think about the future, I also hope my children will be a big part of my life as adults, and (hopefully) will care for me in my late years.

We would need to leave the city. I desperately want to leave, dh does not though has resigned himself that this is both likely and necessary. I want to be pregnant soon, I know, I know, I could wait. I am "only" 34......but I love seeing my girls so close in age and interest. If I were brutally honest, I want another girl.....

OK, I've rambled on and bared my soul. If anyone is still reading, I'd love to hear thoughts.

[akind1]

We have just the one (so far) and he is only 5 months old. We've always wanted more, the question is more of "when". Originally I wanted to wait until he was potty-trained to TTC, but since we aren't doing hormones . . .and haven't even really bothered with condoms (mostly because we aren't DTD that much - another story) we've kind of decided we'll wait until DS is a year to TTC. I don't want to mess up my supply - BF - and that will give us almost 2 years between them if I catch right away. Although DH I don't think would mind another, like, now LOL

In your case, I think move out of the city first and see how things lie - finances, etc - and if you feel less stressed and more calm, perhaps DH will come on board with baby #3

[DaddyM]

Deciding when to have more was a big challenge. I don't know how I'd decide IF to have more.

We only have one now and had her while my wife was in college. We didn't feel ready but it was God's decision (and us not using birth control on our honeymoon ). We got on our feet and are financially in a much better place now, so we decided to start trying for number 2.

No one else can tell you if you are ready or if you should have more. Sounds like you are at a good place in your life though. I wish my daughter was only at a sitter for 5 hours a week. If you DO want more, it sounds like you need to talk to your DH some more and express how much you want to talk about another and decide together. Then work out the logistics of new living arrangements and financials. Then you can be ready together.

[Curlyfry7]

subbing to hear more thoughts....

OP, we are in almost the exact same boat..2 LO's, both Dh and I are worn extremely thin, little/no help, etc etc. We don't live in NYC, which helps.
DH is done. I don't think I am, although I can see the benefits to being done. But when I think about never having another little person running around, I get very sad. I'm 39 and DH is 43 though, so we have less time.

It's also not something you can compromise on, you know?? You can't have half a kid!!