I was called a goat

[boheime]

In our Metro area, there is a children's farmstead. It has a lot of stuff for kids to do and animals to see. My 2 1/2 year old loves it and has been anxiously awaiting for it to reopen in the Spring.

We went last Wednesday. We just had a baby and dh has had some time off from work. He was up just ahead with our older three kids, who were going between the two of us, with me trailing behind nursing our then 1 week old daughter. For the record, I had a tank top on underneath a T-shirt (tank pulled down, t-shirt pulled up, and her in a cradle hold in a ring sling) and was wearing her in a sling. You couldn't see anything, not that it should matter.

We were in the milking barn, which has a large area for presentations, calves, a cow, informative displays, etc. As I was looking at the calves with our 2 1/2 year old, I noticed an employee (volunteer?) looking and laughing. He had down syndrome and I just gave a small smile and went on with my children. Later, as we were getting ready to head out of the barn, he started pointing at me and yelling to another employee that I was a goat and my baby was a kid. He kept yelling across the barn that I was a goat and laughing and pointing. It was uncomfortable.

Now, this is my fourth child. We practice CLW and I've nursed many places. I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but it does. I also wonder how such an experience might affect a new mother who wasn't experienced at breastfeeding. Would that cause her to rethink nursing?

Do I let it go because of his condition (sorry that isn't PC) or say something to the management?

[Emmeline II]

I would mention it; it may be that he just doesn't know that saying that is rude or that it can hurt feelings.

[Annie Mac]

I would let it go. As a nursing mom myself, I have never felt more like a mammal than now. In fact, as I was lying on my side nursing the other day, I couldn't help but be reminded of pigs, lying down, nursing their piglets. And that's in MY mind. It doesn't sound mean-spirited. There are much worse animals to be compared to than a goat, and we DO both have "kids." I think this is a "laugh with them" moment.

[zamia7]

I informed a waitress at a restaurant that human milk is not dairy because I am not a cow. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I am tired of people thinking my milk is dairy. For some reason that comes up a lot. It was awkward.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I wouldnt think anything of it since he had Down's even if you told the management and the spoke to him it may not even register.

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by Annie Mac

I would let it go. As a nursing mom myself, I have never felt more like a mammal than now. In fact, as I was lying on my side nursing the other day, I couldn't help but be reminded of pigs, lying down, nursing their piglets. And that's in MY mind. It doesn't sound mean-spirited. There are much worse animals to be compared to than a goat, and we DO both have "kids." I think this is a "laugh with them" moment.

[blessedwithboys]

let it go, the person in question most likely doesn't have a good grasp of social-appropriateness

[noobmom]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

let it go, the person in question most likely doesn't have a good grasp of social-appropriateness

I don't know what the extent of his disability is, but I think he made a connection in his head and got a kick out of out. Of course human babies survive by drinking milk from their mothers, just like other mammals. But for most of the population (excluding families with babies), the thought probably never crosses their mind. You were in a milking barn. You're nursing a baby. There were goat babies. Goat babies are called kids. Hey, human babies are called kids too! You have milk. So do the goats! Did you feel like it was an insult, like he was calling you a goat? Or more an observation/analogy?
To him, maybe it's an analogy. You = goat, your baby = goat kid.

[Ammaarah]

I'd let this go.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by boheime

I also wonder how such an experience might affect a new mother who wasn't experienced at breastfeeding. Would that cause her to rethink nursing?

I think that one would have to have serious insecurity issues in order to be swayed in her parenting decisions by the situation you described.

No matter how high-functioning this guy is, he is going to lack certain skills and thought processes because of his condition. I think a little tolerance should be shown here.

[lovepiggie]

Sometimes I feel like a goat, nursing all day...

I agree with the previous posters - I don't think he meant anything by it, and I would let it go, although I can understand how it would make you feel uncomfortable.

[kriket]

I am an elephant, and never forget. I would tell myself that I was going to let it go, then I would end up contacting the manager and mentioning that it made me uncomfortable. Then I would feel better

Maybe it was just a neat play on the work "kid" but I would have felt embarrassed if he was pointing and yelling ANYTHING across the barn. If he is capable of holding a job (or volunteer position) he should be capable of not pointing and yelling across a barn.

I don't know, I see the pickle you are in. I would be tuned off from going back to the place for sure. Which is a shame, because your little ones like it.

[earthmama369]

I'd let it go. It doesn't sound like he was being mean about it, and honestly, it may not have had anything to do with you nursing. He may not have even realized you were nursing at the time. It may have been as simple as you having a baby and him having recently learned that baby goats are called kids. I remember finding that hysterically funny when I was a child for some reason, and I know my children found it hysterical, too. Baby goats being called kids seems to be a universal "funny" in the childlike lexicon of humor, and one of the things I've always loved about all the people with DS who I've worked with is that they retain their childlike sense of humor through their entire life.

[earthmama369]

Originally Posted by kriket

If he is capable of holding a job (or volunteer position) he should be capable of not pointing and yelling across a barn.

This is really, really not true. If he's capable of holding a job or volunteer position there, it means that he's capable of doing the specific physical and cognitive tasks he's been assigned, or he's becoming capable in those areas. It has nothing to do with his social skills.

[rachelsmama]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

This is really, really not true. If he's capable of holding a job or volunteer position there, it means that he's capable of doing the specific physical and cognitive tasks he's been assigned, or he's becoming capable in those areas. It has nothing to do with his social skills.

When you work in a public place like a petting barn social skills are part of the job. Sure, he might have a lot of trouble in that regard, but if everybody dismisses him as incapable of being tactful he will never have the opportunity to learn and reach his full potential for tactfulness.

[earthmama369]

I didn't say that he is incapable of learning social skills, or that it isn't part of his goal plan. I commented on the assumption that in order to have the job, he already needed to have the social skills. If he's working with a job placement/life skills program, that simply isn't true.

[rachelsmama]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

I didn't say that he is incapable of learning social skills, or that it isn't part of his goal plan. I commented on the assumption that in order to have the job, he already needed to have the social skills. If he's working with a job placement/life skills program, that simply isn't true.

Interesting, I'm glad you elaborated. Seems like a good reason to report it to the supervisor (not as a complaint, more as a heads-up), so that they know which life-skills could use some work.

[SilverFish]

my sister has downs too, and sometimes she says or does things that are a bit embarassing (although occasionally those are just a result of her being an awkward teenager and have nothing to do with having downs). it's important to seperate out the things that we find embarassing because we're more aware of social norms, and what things are embarassing because they're really not appropriate/kind/polite.

just because she has downs doesn't mean she's excused from being polite and none of us would be okay with her yelling and pointing at a stranger. anyway, just because the boy in question isn't "capable" of deciding for himself what an appropriate social interaction is, doesn't mean that an inappropriate social interaction should be ignored. that is how he will learn more appropriate actions, by being told about something that wasn't, and shown how to act differently.

would you have been more comfortable if he'd come over to you to see the baby and talk to you, and there made the association between how you feed your baby and the animals at the farm? to me, that would have been an appropriate way for someone with downs to express their unique perspective on the world.

anyway, the incident isn't really worth going to management about now, especially since you don't know how well they'll deal with it (either not do anything, or potentially overreact), but in future, you can definitely say something, either to the person in question, or to their supervisor.

[boheime]

Interesting points everyone. I wouldn't want to report it to get him in trouble (and since I don't know his name that wouldn't even be possible) - more so that the management would know that this is something that may need addressed. It was uncomfortable being yelled at like that. I don't think it was just because I had a baby because we have three older "kids" and there were other families there, too.

As for it turning someone off of breastfeeding, I don't know. In this area, I think it could. Except for the area AP group, the metro area is very anti-breastfeeding. Even the majority of people here who say they support breastfeeding think a mother should go somewhere else, such as a bathroom or home, to do "that." I've made it a point in the past to go back in a bathroom where I saw a nursing mother to make certain she knew she didn't have to nurse there and offer her support.

[Hopesmommy]

I'm sorry that you were embarrassed. I often feel very mammalian when nursing. It doesn't bother me at all.