Teaching to swim and fear?

[BarnMomma]

Hi

DS will be 3 this July. He's a tall kid and and as we just discovered he can touch the bottom of the shallow end of our pool.

I really want him to learn to basics of swimming this summer for a bunch of different reasons, but one of the mian ones is that I think knowing to swim is SAFE.

DS is also a very sensitive child, who once scared, it takes him a lot to get over the hump and try something. We need to be very firm with the whole get back on the horse thing sometimes, but even so, we pick our battles.

Back to this morning...

DH, DS, and I are in the pool practicing kicking and whatnot and DS discovers he can touch the bottom on his toes and scoot around. He's smiling and having a great time. DH swims off to the deep end to climb out and do a cannonball at DS's request. I'm next to DS who tries to bob over to another part of the pool to get a better view. I'm next to him, but behond him. As he's bobbing he begins to lose his grip a bit and he's swallowing some water, head is still above water, but mouth is coming up and down...I pick him right up and he's suddenly terrified and upset and wailing.

So we go back to the stairs and relax for a bit but of course now he'll only cling to us in the pool and refuses to put his feet down or kick or do anything but cling onto us.

DH is still in the pool with DS and he's still just clinging to DH.

So what do we do? Be gentle but firm and insist he try again and face his fears tomorrow, next day, etc? Or let him decide when he's ready? I just don't want one 10 second incident to keep him from trying to learn how to swim. The kid LOVES water....he showers for an hour every morning just playing in there and ends his day with an hour long bath. Swimming would be right up his alley.

Advice?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

I really want him to learn to basics of swimming this summer for a bunch of different reasons, but one of the mian ones is that I think knowing to swim is SAFE.

what keeps a child safe in the water is a watchful eye of the parent, not the child's swimming ability. Every single time there is a story in the paper about a child drowing, the parents say, "but he knew how to swim."

I'm all for swimming; both of my DDs have swam competitively. But I feel strongly that "making your child safe" isn't a reason to push swimming. Swim lessons pretty much always push a child to go against their fear and do things that the child doesn't feel safe doing. They give parent an artificial sense of security.

All that said, give him time, be consistant on spending time in the pool. Let him hold on to you and blow bubbles. Let him pretend to wash his face with the pool water, encourage him to lean backwards and get the back of his head wet.

One of my kids easily learned to swim when she was 3, and the other not until she was 8. She was always afraid of water. She went to a special swim class when she was little that met in a wading pool and did things like crawl around like crabs.

[seashells]

I think I'd let him regain his trust at his own pace. You can encourage him but really pushing him hard is going to backfire.

[3 little birds]

I signed my twins up for swimming classes when they were about 5. Up to this point they had loved the beach and pool. Classes scared them and we quit after the instructor grabbed my terrified daughter and jumped in with her in order to "face" her fear. As expected, it only made it worse.

That summer we bought one of those easy set pools that came up to about their waists or a little higher. Within weeks they were swimming like fish-without any instruction from us at all. I think the security of feeling safe in the shallower water (but deep enough to really swim) allowed them to play and experiment with swimming on their own until it just sort of happened. We have pictures of them "spotting" each other while learning to float-again, something we didn't show them.

My son loved swimming class from 3 years old, but taught himself to swim in the easy set pool as well. We are considering another small one for my 5 year old (2nd son) this summer, because the big pool is just a little overwhelming to him when he is trying to learn to swim-otherwise he loves it.

My friend's son learned to swim at a very young age in his grandparent's (turned off) hot tub. Again, I think it is just a more manageable amount of space for a child.

IMO, it is counterproductive to force a child to override their fears. Acknowledging the fear and patience tends to yield better results, IME.

Have a great summer!

[zapzipzee]

Maybe your DH could build a little underwater "dock" for him to stand on? One can easily be made out of a sheet of plywood and some PVC with holes drilled in it to let the water drain out when removing. It should have railing that sticks out above the water, and be not so large that he couldn't reach the railing wherever he is should he slip again.

In the mean time, work with him in the bath tub on putting his face in the water and blowing bubbles out his nose. This is easily accomplished by seeing who can "hum" the loudest at first, then as he figures it out, the quietest (sorry mom, you'll get wet too!). You could even hum songs and guess what song it is....

Sounds like he just didn't know what to do when his face gets wet. If these things dont work, check out your local pool for some private lessons (because he's already scared, you dont want to do group lessons) or, he's a little old for this, but they may allow you to do parent-child lessons with him. These are especially great because you will also learn how to work with him...the focus is more on teaching the parent some techniques, rather than teaching the child to swim.

I'd ask him a couple days after the incident if he wants to go swimming. Whatever you do, DON'T mention the incident, and be really enthusiastic. Maybe get a new swim toy. If he doesn't want to swim yet, that is fine, but you and your DH should still go swimming and show him how much fun it is!

Good Luck!

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

what keeps a child safe in the water is a watchful eye of the parent, not the child's swimming ability.

That's not entirely true. Pool safety is a multi layer thing. One very important part is knowing how to swim. Plus, supervision, plus barriers.

In my state kids drown every week. Almost all of them drown because someone left the pool gate open. Some drown because the pool was crowded and everyone thought someone else would see. MOST of those kids couldn't swim. Almost all of them were used to wearing floaties in the pool.

If a child has a pool in the backyard, he or she should learn to swim. Even if he's afraid. The child needs to be able to keep a cool head, and get to the side by himself. Because eventually, someone is going to leave the pool gate open and go into the garage then get sidetracked. Humans get distracted, and these things just happen. They happen to EVERYONE. So, he needs to learn what to do in case he falls in.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

So what do we do? Be gentle but firm and insist he try again and face his fears tomorrow, next day, etc? Or let him decide when he's ready? I just don't want one 10 second incident to keep him from trying to learn how to swim. The kid LOVES water....he showers for an hour every morning just playing in there and ends his day with an hour long bath. Swimming would be right up his alley.

Advice?

I wouldn't push the Practicing so much, since he's already decided it's scary. But, I would keep taking him in the pool and making it fun. Just have so much fun that he's not giving it any thought. Some of the pool dive toys are a great way to teach him to hold his breath. My daughter was going to the bottom of the pool for toys way before she could actually swim. She dog paddled til she was five.

She learned the "Monkey walk" which is holding on to the side of the pool and monkey walking to the stairs so she could get out. We started her from a foot away from the wall, and she had to go to the wall.... Then, two feet out, and she had to get to the wall. We made it fun. I put toys on the wall... if she got to the wall, she could throw it in the water, and Daddy or I had to swim down to get it. She liked making us work hard, so she'd throw it in the deep end.

[One_Girl]

I think you should go back and have fun swimming, model having fun swimming, and not do anything that he is uncomfortable with or push him firmly to conform to your image of where he should be as a three year old swimmer. If you push you may meet a lot of resistance that wouldn't be there if you just have fun in the water and do what he is comfortable with. I understand wanting your child to swim early and well, but you don't have to push or make it an unpleasant experience in order to acheive that.

[BarnMomma]

Well I guess it's a moot point now becasue DH and DS stayed in the pool for 2 more hours after my original post...I had to beg for them to get out and eat lunch actually...and DS was back to scooting around on his toes without holding onto DH and was having a blast.

Guess I posted too quickly. We had an issue with this over the winter with something else (DS got scared and refused to try again) so I was concerned about it with swimming.

As for pool safety/drowning/supervision... just because I said I feel knowing how to swim is crucial to pool safety I did not say supervision wasn't as well. Not sure why it was assumed that I thought that.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

Well I guess it's a moot point now becasue DH and DS stayed in the pool for 2 more hours after my original post

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

That's not entirely true. Pool safety is a multi layer thing. One very important part is knowing how to swim. Plus, supervision, plus barriers.

In my state kids drown every week. Almost all of them drown because someone left the pool gate open. Some drown because the pool was crowded and everyone thought someone else would see. MOST of those kids couldn't swim. Almost all of them were used to wearing floaties in the pool.

If a child has a pool in the backyard, he or she should learn to swim. Even if he's afraid. The child needs to be able to keep a cool head, and get to the side by himself. Because eventually, someone is going to leave the pool gate open and go into the garage then get sidetracked. Humans get distracted, and these things just happen. They happen to EVERYONE. So, he needs to learn what to do in case he falls in.

I totally agree.

To have a pool is a big responsibility. Part of that responsibility is making sure that your children know how to swim, even if it makes them "uncomfortable".

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

Not sure why it was assumed that I thought that.

didn't mean to imply that I assumed that.

I've just seen parents do it over and over and over again. Child is afraid, child is forced to stick with swim lessons, child screams and screams, parents stick with it "because of pool safety."

I see it the same as "crying it out" and I don't believe that it is compatable with attachment parenting.

I firmly believe that what keeps a child safe in the water is the watchful eye of the parent.

One of my kids had a lot of natural fear of the water, one didn't. Both ended up fantastic swimmers. Both will be life guards when they are old enough.

I think that parents can be respectful of their kids fears, keep their kids safe, and end up with kids who are very comfortable in the water.

[leighi123]

My ds took ISR last summer, and will take a refresher course in a couple weeks. Sense taking that I am much more confident that he is safe in the water (we have a pool w/no fence), and he is confident in himself and great at swimming now!

He will also be 3 in July.

Oh and he isnt even close to being able to touch in the shallow end, he is 33" and I think in our pool the shallow end is at least 3 feet maybe a little more!