High needs baby?

[Luv2bemommy]

Anyone in this boat?? I swear she IS the queen around here since her birth. lol She came out sucking and has been sucking NON STOP. I finally caved and introduced a paci to her because I was cracking and sore by the end of the first day! She isn't happy unless shes sucking and being held. It's been a challenge for sure. I haven't tried the swing yet but dh is going to get that out of the attic today.

Anyone else have a high needs little one? It's amazing how they are all SO different. I knew she was an active lil one in utero and its funny she is still like that now! Most of our babies have been so chilled and laid back and she is the total oppisate. lol

[Right of Passage]

I don't know! He prefers to be held, but I also prefer to hold him. He loves to nurse, and I love to nurse him. I don't think he left my grasp (except into DH's arms, or the midwife's arms for exams) for his first 2 weeks. It felt right to me, it felt good to keep him close.

I've always been afraid to call my kids high-needs, or mellow, or whatever because they change so fast. Maybe my babies *are* easy?

[Luv2bemommy]

Originally Posted by Right of Passage

I don't know! He prefers to be held, but I also prefer to hold him. He loves to nurse, and I love to nurse him. I don't think he left my grasp (except into DH's arms, or the midwife's arms for exams) for his first 2 weeks. It felt right to me, it felt good to keep him close.

I've always been afraid to call my kids high-needs, or mellow, or whatever because they change so fast. Maybe my babies *are* easy?

That makes sense. I mean I ADORE her in every single way but it's just funny how she's so different. At night she is in the bed with us but doesn't want to even be on the bed, she wants to be on my chest. Makes sleeping a challenge for sure. Most nights I've been sleeping in the recliner with her. She's just more fussy than others, but I was told today that "high needs" babies benefit from chiropractic care, so I might look into that. She's just so precious how can you not hold her 24-7. lol

[Plummeting]

I've been thinking lately about what "high needs" really means, because I definitely considered my older DD high needs, but this baby has her beat by a long shot. DD1 was perfectly happy...as long as you never put her down for the first 5 months of her life and as long as she could nurse about 25 times a day. She was a comfort nurser, which really seemed to bother everyone else (my aunt: "She doesn't really want to nurse all the time; sometimes she just wants to be pacified, see?" as she expended massive amounts of energy to keep her from crying by bouncing, swaying, changing position, etc., etc. ) but wasn't such a big deal to me. Granted, nursing to sleep and being unable to get up for an hour was very annoying, but the during the day, sucking for 5 minutes to calm herself down never bothered me. So she didn't cry, as long as I held her all the time and gave her free access to the boob.

Along comes this baby and hooooo boy! She doesn't comfort nurse and she cries. She prefers to be walked to sleep in a sling or carrier, but you absolutely can't stop walking or she'll wake up. She doesn't like to be rocked, she doesn't like the bouncy seat. We don't even have a swing because we had a borrowed one with DD1 and she hated it (see above about her not wanting to be put down, lol). I am going to buy a swing tomorrow. I finally decided that after weeks of pacing my living room for hours when it's the only thing to get her to stop crying (at least she is consolable in some way, so that's good! ). If the swing doesn't work I'll take it back, but I have to at least try - my feet are hurting from pacing these wood floors.

I think I've cooked a total of 5 meals in the last 5 weeks and I am altogether ready to get past this newborn stage and to the part where she can sit up on her own and play with a toy on the floor for at least 10 minutes. Sigh.

[LittleLegos]

I'm not sure I'm ready to call her high needs yet...but her needs seem pretty strong most of the time. I just put her in the wrap because she was so sad and I guess needed a good sleep fully cuddled. So here we are...but I have two hands free!

DD has some bruising from birth, so I sought out a cranial sacral therapist who also does massage. She felt that one of her vertebrae was out, so off the chiro we went. One vertebrae in her neck was out, so we are working on that. She didn't want to give her the full adjustment because it was too much, we'll go back in a week and work on it some more. I often wondered if dd's crying was linked to pain.

I tend to hold her most of the time anyway...but sometimes she seems to need more than my arms, so snuggling in a sling/pouch/wrap usually does the trick. Swaddling sometimes helps too.

Amy

[gardenmommy]

I'm thinking we are there with you. DD wants to be held all.the.time. Sometimes I put her in the swing or bouncy seat so I can do something like, oh, pee without her in arms. Or even eat a meal without hearing her wail in my ears, because she doesn't want me to hold her lying down, only on my shoulder so she can see. In the evenings, DH holds her and walks so that I can enjoy a few solitary moments before I go to bed. She doesn't want to sleep more than a couple of hours, ever, and wakes up screaming most of the time. She's had 2 chiro adjustments, no effect. I finally bought some gripe water and colic tablets on my MW's advice, thinking perhaps she just isn't comfortable. I, too, broke down and gave her a pacifier because nothing else was working. She sucked that thing to death, went to sleep, and was happy. IDK. I love the tiny newborn stage, but I am SO ready to be past all this fussiness.

[october]

Sounds like our daughter! No time to eat, shit, or shower. This one's gotta be held unless in deep sleep.

Thankfully, for some odd reason, she gives us 1 four hr stint every night, and doesn't cry to be fed because we're sleeping right next to her. She just coos to be fed at night.

[ciga]

Originally Posted by october

Sounds like our daughter! No time to eat, shit, or shower. This one's gotta be held unless in deep sleep.

Thankfully, for some odd reason, she gives us 1 four hr stint every night, and doesn't cry to be fed because we're sleeping right next to her. She just coos to be fed at night.

nak
i dragged our swing into the bathroom with me the other day because i was so desperate to go to the bathroom and hadn't had a break all day. he cried the whole time.

he does have some chill floor time or propped in his boppy time though, so that is lovely

[Deir]

Originally Posted by gardenmommy

I'm thinking we are there with you. DD wants to be held all.the.time. Sometimes I put her in the swing or bouncy seat so I can do something like, oh, pee without her in arms. Or even eat a meal without hearing her wail in my ears, because she doesn't want me to hold her lying down, only on my shoulder so she can see. In the evenings, DH holds her and walks so that I can enjoy a few solitary moments before I go to bed. She doesn't want to sleep more than a couple of hours, ever, and wakes up screaming most of the time. She's had 2 chiro adjustments, no effect. I finally bought some gripe water and colic tablets on my MW's advice, thinking perhaps she just isn't comfortable. I, too, broke down and gave her a pacifier because nothing else was working. She sucked that thing to death, went to sleep, and was happy. IDK. I love the tiny newborn stage, but I am SO ready to be past all this fussiness.

I have embraced the pacifier this time around. I spent so much energy stressing over it with the first 2 thinking it wasn't right, that they should be nursing for comfort, blah blah. Well- turns out I have massive oversupply and sometimes babies just want to suck without being flooded with milk. I am totally ok with it now and realizing that it makes Nora calm down sometimes wehn she just wants to sleep and not eat and that is what she needs!

I say " Yippee for the pacifier!"

[Plummeting]

I am SO cool w/ a pacifier...but DD WON'T TAKE ONE!!!

[Bethla]

Ds will take a paci as long as he's been fed and he's very sleepy. Thank god! Like a PP said he came out sucking on his hand and could suck all day long. My boobs are just way too sensitive. We sleep tummy to tummy and he usually nurses to sleep. Last night was really bad, he was very gassy. Our co-sleeper has now become the spot for clean laundry.

[Luv2bemommy]

I didn't want to give her a paci either but my boobs can't take it. They were cracked and sore by the end of the first day. STILL though, sometimes she doesn't even want that, she wants the boob to just suck on.

[october]

ha.. I just finished a 2 and a half hour nursing session from 6pm to 8:30. I just had to keep switching sides! It was insane. Hello to constant diaper changing, too!

[mama kk]

I am having a hard time wholeheartedly bonding with DS I think because of his fussiness. I love him deeply, but sometimes I just feel so exhausted trying to keep him happy. I feel terrible about this, and I wonder if what I am experiencing is actually ppd...

When will he be more content?

[Plummeting]

I've been wondering lately if maybe we should totally abandon the use of the term "high needs" because it makes it seem like babies that need to be held all the time are somehow not normal. Like they need MORE than "normal" babies, when in reality, I think the babies we've been culturally conditioned to believe are "high needs" are actually completely normal, and it's the really chill, relaxed, 'put me down whenever you need to and I'll be cool with it' babies that are unusual. Maybe we should stop referring to babies that need constant contact as high needs and start referring to babies who don't as "low needs". That seems to make more sense to me.

[Deir]

Originally Posted by Plummeting

I've been wondering lately if maybe we should totally abandon the use of the term "high needs" because it makes it seem like babies that need to be held all the time are somehow not normal. Like they need MORE than "normal" babies, when in reality, I think the babies we've been culturally conditioned to believe are "high needs" are actually completely normal, and it's the really chill, relaxed, 'put me down whenever you need to and I'll be cool with it' babies that are unusual. Maybe we should stop referring to babies that need constant contact as high needs and start referring to babies who don't as "low needs". That seems to make more sense to me.

I agree! Nora seems fairly easy to me but when I talk to other people (some) they look perplexed when I say i pretty much hold her all day.

[ciga]

Originally Posted by Deir

I have embraced the pacifier this time around. I spent so much energy stressing over it with the first 2 thinking it wasn't right, that they should be nursing for comfort, blah blah. Well- turns out I have massive oversupply and sometimes babies just want to suck without being flooded with milk. I am totally ok with it now and realizing that it makes Nora calm down sometimes wehn she just wants to sleep and not eat and that is what she needs!

I say " Yippee for the pacifier!"

I was totally against the pacifier for my whole pregnancy and the first 3 days PP at which point I embraced it. My little sister had spent the 20+ hrs that I was in labor reading my breastfeeding books and got a little spazzy when I asked my mom to go get me a pacifier. She argued with me about confusing the baby and needing to be his comfort 100% of the time.
He was a great nurser from the get go and I have crazy supply so if he stays at the nipple as much as he likes he ends up throwing up everything anyway. He's been gaining TONS of weight (almost 4lbs in 4.5 wks) so I don't think it has caused any problems.

The pacifier rocks my world!


as for our "low needs" babies...Ruben wants to be held 90% of the time but every time people ask me how he is I've said he's a pretty calm sweet boy. I guess I just compare his behavior with the stories my mom has told me about my colicky youngest sister who literally cried from birth to beyond 6mo regardless of what my mom did to soothe her. My mom cut every possible allergen out of her diet and tried everything to no avail. These minor tantrums and need to be held feel like pie in comparison.

[Right of Passage]

Originally Posted by Plummeting

I've been wondering lately if maybe we should totally abandon the use of the term "high needs" because it makes it seem like babies that need to be held all the time are somehow not normal. Like they need MORE than "normal" babies, when in reality, I think the babies we've been culturally conditioned to believe are "high needs" are actually completely normal, and it's the really chill, relaxed, 'put me down whenever you need to and I'll be cool with it' babies that are unusual. Maybe we should stop referring to babies that need constant contact as high needs and start referring to babies who don't as "low needs". That seems to make more sense to me.

That's why I'm afraid to put that label on. High contact babies are wonderful I'm a high-contact mama, so I'm personally better at mothering the more I get to hold and cuddle my baby all day long. Putting baby down feels bad, wrong, foriegn.

I think every baby is high-needs, as in they have high priority needs.

[october]

I've been wondering the very same thing myself... I love my little 'high needs' baby. I'm so glad she needs me so much!

[Plummeting]

Oh, and that post was not meant to be critical of your thread, Luv2bemommy. I used the term high needs to describe DD1 all the time when she was littler. It's just that, the more people I talk to, the more I think that the babies who need to be held all the time are more the norm than the babies who don't. I think babies who don't need to be held all the time are much more uncommon than babies who do, although I also think many people do sort of "train" their babies to just deal with being put down. Not that I'd be able to tell which ones do and which ones just have naturally chilled out babies. I just know that I personally know people who put their babies down and make them deal with it, even if they cry, and I know that this is a strategy pretty commonly recommended, so I know it happens. I think we're sort of told that babies can calm themselves and should be able to be put down a lot, but really that's not true for most babies, so I'm just reconsidering the whole high needs label, the more I hear about other people's babies.