Afraid of sex...

[Right of Passage]

So we're 6 weeks post partum, we've already DTD twice, the most recent was about a week ago. Suddenly I'm scared. I enjoyed it both times, I didn't tear during the birth, DH says everything feels the same but I've regressed and all I can say is no despite the desire.

Any mamas in this boat? Or BTDT?

[ciga]

oh my god! I am so glad you posted this.
I'm 4wks pp, did tear, am still sore, and am still bleeding a bit (though it has come back a little heavier in the past couple days) but we haven't DTD yet despite both of us feeling seriously neglected and desperately wanting it.
I feel terrible but I am SO scared.

I'm afraid it will hurt
I'm afraid it will slow down my already slow healing process
I'm really afraid of getting pregnant again

I don't know how to get over this.
My husband knows how nervous I am and is being so beautifully patient with me but holy crap, I'm losing patience with myself.

[cocoanib]

There is no way i can DTD right now. My tears sre still healing at 5 weeks pp.
It makes me say ouchie just to think of it.
I think it will be awhile for me, because I want to be absolutely positively healed. Otherwise i will be all self conscious about it.

[Right of Passage]

Fear of pregnancy that's a huge one. We cannot have another baby right now, or any time in the next 3 years. I'm really freaked out about getting pregnant again. I love pregnancy, I love being pregnant, I love growing babies. However pregnancy means I lose my milk, and I can't handle that. I have no idea how we would be able to provide for a 4th child!

I also think I need to be romanced. Or at time least "alone" (without the bigger kids) with him.

[Deir]

We're happy right now with not "going all the way" it reminds of our hot and heavy high school days! LOL (Dh and I have been together since I was 15!!

[judybean]

Sex after pregnancy is a terrifying thing, I think. I mean, you just went through a HUGELY intense experience and now you're doing the act that got you there in the first place... that's scary!

Or at least that's my thoughts on it. I had no tearing (well, just a tiny, internal-ish tear that didn't require any stitches or anything) and really had the most empowering experience of my entire life.. and since I really didn't gain any weight, I had none to lose (and actually came out lighter after pregnancy... and wore my 'normal' jeans the day after birth)... but... Yikes. The birth experience -- just about perfect in every way -- was still incredibly .. scary? It's something I don't tell other people because I'm all about trying to make home birthing normal (I do say it was 'intense').

But... that's making it about me

I'm 7 weeks pp and we've dtd maybe twice. Timing is hard, exhaustion is a factor... and I'd much rather go for some romance than getting it done (especially if you're going for speed simply so the baby doesn't wake up.. ugh).

I'm just glad that this time around I have actually have some desire/thoughts about dtd... with dd3, nursing completely sapped ALLLLLLLL of my libido. I felt so incredibly asexual.

[[hugs]] sex is a tricky thing postpartum...

[ciga]

Originally Posted by judybean

Sex after pregnancy is a terrifying thing, I think. I mean, you just went through a HUGELY intense experience and now you're doing the act that got you there in the first place... that's scary!

The birth experience -- just about perfect in every way -- was still incredibly .. scary? It's something I don't tell other people because I'm all about trying to make home birthing normal (I do say it was 'intense').

Though having another baby so son after Ruben wouldn't be financially ideal and all that...the scariness of labor is what freaks me out most about sex. That was the craziest thing my body has ever endured and I think I need more than a year maybe two before I'll be ready enough (or have forgotten enough) to endure it again. I have to figure out a birth control method that I'm really comfortable with before I won't be totally nervous again.

Wow, the months of pregnancy where getting pregnant wasn't a worry anymore were awesome!

[Juvysen]

We just dtd for the first time pp, and I was minorly sore after, despite enjoying it in the moment... I also apparently lost control of my bladder in the midst ( ), because after there was a bit of a mess... which we both puzzled over, considering I was doing so well from the get go, no tearing, no postpartum pain - even feeling like kegels were doing well... Sooo, that's what's scaring *me* about doing it again.

FWIW, though - after DD was born and I had stitches that were healing and I was scared of sex, we had some really stellar make-out sessions that helped us reconnect...

[Right of Passage]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

We just dtd for the first time pp, and I was minorly sore after, despite enjoying it in the moment... I also apparently lost control of my bladder in the midst ( ), because after there was a bit of a mess... which we both puzzled over, considering I was doing so well from the get go, no tearing, no postpartum pain - even feeling like kegels were doing well... Sooo, that's what's scaring *me* about doing it again.

FWIW, though - after DD was born and I had stitches that were healing and I was scared of sex, we had some really stellar make-out sessions that helped us reconnect...

That's what I thought the first time we experienced female ejaculation. Maybe it was just that good?

[Juvysen]

Well, it wasn't close to the best I'd ever had, so I'm guessing no? this happened once right after Oliver was born, too...

[lizsky]

Yes, I'm in this boat! Although its funny how many of us feel scared or unready but for such different reasons. I have zero libido right now, and am still very tender where I was stitched. My MW gave me the green light and we tried the other day, but I had to cut things off because I was so uncomfortable. Poor DH. I will try to give it another shot in a few days, but I'm not too hopeful it will improve all that soon.

But strangely, I'm not really scared of getting pregnant. I realize it would be bad timing for my body and for my milk supply and I fully intend to wait at least a year, but I really felt empowered by both the pregnancy and birth experiences and I kind of am looking forward to giving birth again...maybe thats weird?

[Juvysen]

I'm not at all afraid of getting pregnant again, though I'm not overly interested. It doesn't *scare* me, though...

[Snapdragon]

scares me a bit cause of the c section. Almost 6 wks out and we haven't done the full dtd yet only sort of dabbled a bit. I am scared intercourse will hurt cause of the c section tho I am not sure how or where.

[gcgirl]

I'm not scared, but I don't know how y'all are INTERESTED.

It took months for me to get the interest back last time, and right now (4 wks pp) I just have no desire for sex. I had a great, non-traumatic birth with no tears. I'm just...blah.

[wendy1163]

Originally Posted by gcgirl

I'm not scared, but I don't know how y'all are INTERESTED.

It took months for me to get the interest back last time, and right now (4 wks pp) I just have no desire for sex. I had a great, non-traumatic birth with no tears. I'm just...blah.

word to that.

and, maybe this is just me, but being in constant physical contact with my kids all. day. long. takes away any desire to even be touched by the end of the day. I am like that during pregnancy, too, my poor husband.

but, yeah, sex is not even on my radar yet.

[ciga]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

FWIW, though - after DD was born and I had stitches that were healing and I was scared of sex, we had some really stellar make-out sessions that helped us reconnect...

Originally Posted by Deir

We're happy right now with not "going all the way" it reminds of our hot and heavy high school days! LOL (Dh and I have been together since I was 15!!

I have to admit that making out like teenagers is pretty darn fun

Originally Posted by gcgirl

I'm not scared, but I don't know how y'all are INTERESTED.

It took months for me to get the interest back last time, and right now (4 wks pp) I just have no desire for sex. I had a great, non-traumatic birth with no tears. I'm just...blah.

I was talking to my sister about this recently. We both found that not only did our libidos not take a hit during pregnancy or PP, we both found ourselves more interested in sex than before. Now PP, I'm only slowed down by my fear, discomfort, and exhaustion.

[Juvysen]

I was the same way - increased libido after my first baby. After the second and third, it seems to be much lower, but then, I'm also a bit "touched out" by the end of the day...

[judybean]

I've gone over the 'touched out' thing in my head.. and I wonder if that had to do with ZERO libido after dd3... When she was born I had three kids three-and-under... right now, the older three girls are 8, 6, 4 ... and then the baby... so the olders aren't quite so touchy-feely, hands-on as much as wee ones are... so maybe that's why I actually have a *bit* of libido this time?

Our reason for not a lot of dtd? I have too damn many things to get done right now and that's just silly. I shouldn't commit myself to making the First Communion dress for my oldest.. when First Communion is THIS SUNDAY... *sigh* .. and with a new pattern too.. talk about a sex zap -- my 'free time' is all consumed and I'm exhausted by the end of the day.