Question for those who waited a while to have #2

[zannster]

I have a 5 year old and a newborn (3.5 weeks now). There are days when I'm fine with this, and then are days when I really struggle with the feeling that my relationship with my first has been totally cut off. We spent five years being close, and now I have no time to spend with him. This is depressing! And sometimes I'm even a little resentful. Anybody go through this? Were you able to preserve or patch up your relationship with your first ?

[cowboyjunki]

I have been through this, and it does get better! My son was almost 5 when my daughter was born. I laid in bed and cried the night before she was born because I felt so guilty.

The first few months were hard - I was tired, cranky,and felt like I wasn't being a very good Mom to him. Once the baby started sleeping a little more and we got into more of a routine, things got a lot better. I feel just as close to him (if not more so) as before. Try not to beat yourself up about whatever feelings you are having - just know that you are doing the best that you can. You obviously are a great mom because you care so much!

Now my DD is almost 11 months and my son will be 6 in August. She LOVES him and he is good at entertaining and playing with her when I need his help. And he absolutely loves her. I never had to worry about him being aggressive like some of my other friends whose children were only 2 years apart. He was a little jealous of the time I spent with her at first, but not anymore. He will be going to school next year and we will be lost without him!

[Alyantavid]

Mine are only 4 years apart, but I felt the same way. But at the same time, I was so happy I had those 4 years with just him.

It does get better and easier when your newborn is older. Sleep deprivation is a horrible thing, getting used to a whole new (totally helpless) person is rough and when you combine those with mama guilt, it's really hard.

[thismama]

Yes we had a hard adjustment period at first (well probably not out of the ordinary hard, but hard to me, kwim). But just wait! I'm so glad for the age difference, mine are 4.5 years apart, and omg are they in love. Once baby can interact, IME it's magic.

[claras_mom]

what worked for us--dd1 is 4 and a quarter years older than dd2--was carving out special time even with the baby. Watching a video; reading books; watching her at the park (c/sec, so there wasn't a lot of running around happening). Helps that dd1 is really maternal, so was totally into having a baby sister.

[Girlprof]

At 3.5 weeks, really, give it time. Ours are 4 years apart. It definitely helped for me to spend some alone time with DS. It didn't have to be a ton of time, but a little bit, especially w/o the baby.

Here's a story to give you hope. DS is very mature and poised so we have been able to take him to fancy dinners and even the theater for a long time. We have continued this and at some point we thought, well, that tradition will be our time to re-capture our threesome vibe. He'll still get to be w/mom and dad by himself, etc. We just went out, the three of us, on Friday. Dinner and theater. And DS started the evening by saying how much he wished his baby sister could be with us and how great it would be when she was old enough to come along. We all felt the same way.

[lovingmylife]

I am so scared of this. I am due with a baby girl any day now and I have an almost 4.5 year old DS and the two of us are inseperable. He doesnt go anywhere without me and I am so scared about how the baby is going to change our relationship.