getting through the guilt

[mommy92109]

I am a full time kindergarten teacher in a public school. I went back to work when my DS was 3 1/2 months old (now 7 months). I love my job, and I went into teaching because I love children and helping to create a solid foundation for their learning and lives in the future. However, now that I have my own child, every once in a while I think to myself, "shouldn't I be home creating a solid foundation for my own child's life and learning?". I know that guilt for going back to work is normal, but how do we get through it? Right now I need to work because we need both incomes.

[GuildJenn]

Do you feel like your working husband is not somehow creating a foundation for your child? I ask because I think it's entirely possible to work and create a great foundation - including finding quality care, how you interact all the rest of the time, etc.

[prone_to_wander]

I'm in a similar situtation...or will be...as soon as he shows up. I have to go back to work at my kindergarten when my DC is about 3 months. I just know I'm going to have guilt about going and teaching other children, when my own in sitting at home with my domestic helper and not me. I'm interested to hear other people's replies.

[madskye]

Unless it spurs you to make a change, in my opinion, guilt is a big waste of time!

It's normal not to want to leave your baby when maternity leave ends, and to feel conflicted. But if you truly have to or want to work--in the end, it's about what is best for your family. And you might also find that you are kind of looking forward to returning to work when it is time.

When I had DD I just told myself I'd take it one day at a time and see how it went. And working out of the home went very well until she was about 2, and then I strongly felt that I needed to be at home or at least really cut my hours. So I made a plan and started working pt from home--it took about six months to carry out and it's been 3 years now and I'm really happy with the way everything took place.

[aleatha5]

I know how you feel! I feel guilty everyday, especially when I leave after I go home for lunch b/c my DS cries when I leave. But, OTOH, my mom worked for most of my childhood (she returned to work when I was 4) and I still felt like she made a great home for us and a solid foundation. That is what I tell myself when I start to feel to sad about the time away from DS.

[mommy92109]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

Do you feel like your working husband is not somehow creating a foundation for your child? I ask because I think it's entirely possible to work and create a great foundation - including finding quality care, how you interact all the rest of the time, etc.

I feel very much as though we are both creating a solid foundation. We practice AP, and the time that we have at home with A at night and on the weekends is so precious. I'm just finding it really hard because when I get home at night I am exhausted from all of the five-year-old needs that I have to meet during the day, and the perfectionist in me wants to do so many things with A, I just don't have the energy for it half of the time. Therefore, I feel guilty that my students get most of my energy instead of my DS.

[mommy92109]

Originally Posted by aleatha5

I know how you feel! I feel guilty everyday, especially when I leave after I go home for lunch b/c my DS cries when I leave. But, OTOH, my mom worked for most of my childhood (she returned to work when I was 4) and I still felt like she made a great home for us and a solid foundation. That is what I tell myself when I start to feel to sad about the time away from DS.

I agree, and I need to remember this too! My mom (who is now at home with my DS most days) worked full time when I was growing up too, and we have a wonderful family/relationship. I guess I need to just not be so hard on myself!!

[mommy92109]

Originally Posted by madskye

It's normal not to want to leave your baby when maternity leave ends, and to feel conflicted. But if you truly have to or want to work--in the end, it's about what is best for your family. .

Thanks for the words of encouragement! I do financially need to work right now, and I do honestly love my job. I know that everything will be fine and that A will get everything that he needs, it's just hard to do everything that I want to do! I'm such a perfectionist that I want to do so much with him (especially being a teacher!), but I just don't have time for it all. However, my perfectionism is what keeps me working too!

[CookiePie]

On the bright side, in a few years you will both be on the same school schedule, allowing you to be home together! A was working nights so that my husband could be home with my kids for a few years. Now our kids are both school aged and I'm trying to get a job in the school, so I can be at work while they are at school! I only wish I had gone to school to be a teacher because right now that would make life so much easier!

[momofmine]

That's awesome that your LO is with your mom! That seems like a great situation. It sounds like you have a good situation with good support, and there are no easy answers. But, if you want to be at home at with your child for these early years, is it possible for you to do something different for these years until your child is in school? Something that would still bring in income and be fulfilling for you. Then, when your LO is in school, you can go back to teaching full-time and have the same schedule, as PPs mentioned. For example, I have a friend who was a teacher and she tutors out of her home, and gets paid very well for it. I'm not saying you shouldn't keep doing what you are doing, but I understand feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and if you want things to be different, there are always other possibilities.

[Chantelle691]

I'm a teacher and a single mom, and I'll tell you that I am *so glad* I was smart enough to decide at 15 that teaching sounded fun.

Is it fun? Hah. Not always. Not even most of the time. But I get summers and vacations with my kid and our school schedules now are similar.


Your kid is going to have a solid foundation, because you can provide that whether you work or not.

Think of it this way - you're giving many other kids the solid foundation to get what they need, and become the productive, responsibile citizens your child is going to be sharing the earth with.