Would you still homebirth..???

[5gifts]

...to stand up for the principle that homebirth is safe....or give it up for the hospital just to not have to deal with ignorant people judging that you put your baby in danger?

Suppose you 'knew' that basically you and baby would be fine, but baby would likely need ressusitation at birth, and possibly need to be transfered to the hospital if born at home. And farther, baby may end up having challenges due to genetic issues.

I usually do UC, my kids are vocal that 'babies should be born at home', and we are 4 miles from hospital. To stand up for what I believe in & set an example for my kids - I could hire a good midwife and have a 'safe' homebirth of a special needs baby. Even if we had to take baby into hospital afterwards - there could be no harm done. (And baby would get a gentle birth and resuss without being immediatly traumatized by an over-zelous hosp staff)

The drawbacks of that - A big chunk of $$$ for a midwife, it could be alarming for the kids to witness, especially if rescue squad comes, raising red flags with DCF (midwives at homebirth illegal here, crazy state of our farmhouse being renovated, six other kids hanging around). And the big one - people (family) judging that what I did was dangerous & harmed the baby. Like "see, it was dangerous, you had to call an ambulance/rush to the hosp." or "If you were in the Hospital, baby would have had better care and not ended up 'damaged'" That would be said & thought by many even if all issues were solely genetic with NO lack of oxygen brain injury...and I just don't know if I can deal with people being like that!!

Or I can take the 'easy way out'. I have a pretty cool lady OB, who thinks hb is a good thing, and who would let me labor & birth my way if in hosp. (a friend delivered with her and was able to nurse the baby for a half hour with every one just standing back, not even laying a hand on her, baby, cord, or placenta - til she was done, then she pushed the placenta out. But if baby is in distress, who knows how it will go.)
It is all paid for at the hospital. No one will blame me for the baby having any problems. (even if hosp intervention causes problem in feeding, infection, whatever)

So would you just kind of 'roll over' and just let go of alot of what you believe in - to get through this the best you can with the least 'friction'?

[Belle]

subbing. would like to answer, but I'll have to come back later today to do so.

[thefreckledmama]

Originally Posted by 5gifts

The drawbacks of that - A big chunk of $$$ for a midwife, it could be alarming for the kids to witness, especially if rescue squad comes, raising red flags with DCF (midwives at homebirth illegal here, crazy state of our farmhouse being renovated, six other kids hanging around). And the big one - people (family) judging that what I did was dangerous & harmed the baby.

The bolded part is what I would be especially concerned with. In light of that, I don't think I could homebirth to stand up for the principle that homebirth is safe, with the variables you've outlined.

My personal thoughts on homebirth (and I know not everyone shares them precisely), is that homebirth IS safe, in most situations...but there ARE situations and conditions that birthing in a home setting with a midwife is NOT the best course of action. There ARE legitimate situations where a hospital birth-with midwife or OB-IS what is needed and the appropriate choice.

I think that when getting into the mindset of home birthing to prove principles or make a point when it's not the best/safest option, is when we start venturing into a gray area that then leaves home birth open to more intense scrutiny, giving critics the ammunition they need to argue against it on a widespread level.

[alegna]

It would depend on what I felt to be best/safest for the baby at the end of it. I wouldn't do either to make a point, but I wouldn't be swayed by what others might think either.



-Angela

[Baby_Cakes]

If I knew my baby would most likely need resuscitation at birth, I might choose to birth in a hospital. I wouldn't risk my health, the baby's health, a midwife's license, or traumatizing my other children just to prove a point. I think it may be a more valuable lesson for your children to know that hospital births have their time and place, too, rather than teaching them that hospitals are only bad.

But for me, the choice isn't about what people might think or say, it's about the health and safety of everyone involved.

Not to say you couldn't possibly have a normal and safe homebirth, but for me that is what I would do.

[dachshundqueen]

I would not intentionally endanger a child I knew was going to be born with problems or my other children's emotional health over "homebirth is safe". Yes, I would seek out well trained doctors that understand and accept my wishes regarding hospital birth and I would make the necessary connections with an acceptable neonatal specialist, but no I would not homebirth. Homebirth is not safe in some instances, and if I were the potential midwife presented with what you have stated I would not agree to take you as a client especially as it presents unnecessary legal risk to the midwife.

Liz

[sweet.p]

I would re-frame my way of thinking.
I don't think it's aobut you "rolling over" or "avoiding friction" or "judgments" as you said, it's only about making the best choices for all the children in a very difficult circumstance.

I would go with the hospital birth and MD's.

Because you know you're having a special needs child and more likely to need advanced life support, or some other medical intervention.

So with this reality my choice to create the least traumatic situation in my home for the other children and not any risk disrupting the harmony of my home life, or CPS because of an illegal midwife.

That would be my choice, and not enter my mind I was caving into any pressure. But seeing as insuring there is calm around this birth for both the newborn and the other children.

Especially since you have the opportunity to use a lovely OB that you like, and feel she will protect your autonomy in a hospital while you give birth.

[chaoticzenmom]

I would go with the cool OB. Explain to her your concerns about having a gentle resuscitation if it's necessary.

I understand though, the feelings inside when you have to go with something you don't like and it almost proves that the doubters were right. You feel like they'll have power over you in some way. Put pride aside here and just go with your Mommy gut, not your "I'll show you." attitude. Yeah, a homebirth would probably go ok, but if it didn't...that would be even worse ammo for the naysayers.

I hope everything goes well. Two of my 4 births were in a hospital and they weren't bad. Not empowering, exactly, but not traumatizing either.

[sweet.p]

I want to add that there are circumstances having a hospital birth with a respectful OB is so much less traumatizing then having a homebirth with an illegal midwife not trained to deal with the medical issues a special needs newborn has at birth.

Don't discount the traumatising effect on you and the whole family from the commotion to get a sick or not breathing newborn into an ambulance and rushed to a hospital.

[nannymom]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

If I knew my baby would most likely need resuscitation at birth, I might choose to birth in a hospital. I wouldn't risk my health, the baby's health, a midwife's license, or traumatizing my other children just to prove a point. I think it may be a more valuable lesson for your children to know that hospital births have their time and place, too, rather than teaching them that hospitals are only bad.

But for me, the choice isn't about what people might think or say, it's about the health and safety of everyone involved.

Not to say you couldn't possibly have a normal and safe homebirth, but for me that is what I would do.

Yes, this.

I find it hard to believe you could find a homebirth midwife willing to take you with those kinds of risk factors.
Also, as someone who had a baby who needed ressusitation at birth, emergency transport to the hospital, intubation, and a 5 day stay in the nicu I can say that I would never want one of my kids to whitness it. My husband and I are adults, it was 5 years ago, and we still aren't over how terrifying it was.
Homebirth is safe and it's awesome but sometimes medical needs outweigh birth expeierience.

[WildflowerChild]

Homebirthing can only be protected and proven safe/responsible when those of us who have legitimate medical needs seek help for those needs. I have never birthed at home. My first son was born at a hospital via cesarean out of ignorance and misplaced trust. My daughter was a planned HBAC. Unfortunately I developed a condition that forced us to discuss changing our plans. I didn't get my homebirth, but I made the best decision with the info I had. I still consider myself a homebirther because my philosophy is that birth is safe and natural for most mothers and should remain at home. Doctors and hospitals exist to help those of us with high risk situations. We cannot hope to be accepted as safe and normal if we are irresponsible when there are significant, known complications and we place our children and selves in danger. It sounds to me that there are strong reasons to change your plans. Yours is not a situation to prove something.

[jeminijad]

In the circumstances you describe, I would birth in the hospital.

You could potentially be dealing with a much longer period of trauma knowingly delivering a special needs baby outside of the hospital than what you would deal with inside...

In the current climate of birth in this country, all ramifications must be considered, even if it isn't fair.

[soso-lynn]

My only concern would be safety. If, after a careful assessment, you determine that homebirth will be safe for you and your baby, do it. If you determine that the hospital would be safer, then go.

There is no need to do anything to make a point or to feel like choosing the hospital is anything but an informed decision. Other people's opinions have absolutely nothing to do with your real life.

[sanguine_speed]

[Sagesgirl]

The principle you should be standing up for here is to make the best and safest decision for you and your baby-to-be (and, to a lesser extent, your already-here children). I sense this is what you want to do, but for some reason you find yourself too married to the "I must birth at home" thing. Let it go. Childbirth should be a matter of doing your best. Usually that involves home birth. But not always. It sounds like you have really good, legitimate reasons to opt for a hospital birth this time around, and quite honestly I'm not sure why you are second-guessing yourself so hard.

[loveneverfails]

I would absolutely choose a hospital birth under those conditions, even though I really dislike hospital births and think they're a pain to deal with. I would choose a hospital birth and try to create an early discharge option if everything went well. Labor and delivery being best in the hospital in some cases absolutely does NOT mean that you have to be on the hook for the whole post partum annoyance.

[seashells]

I think it would be a pro-homebirth choice to plan for known medical needs. It proves the safety of homebirth that you can assess your risks ahead of time and make arrangements accordingly.

Anti-homebirth people think it's all a total crapshoot or something, and that you'll just be at home pushing out a kid and all of a sudden it's a huge emergency. Which of course sometimes it can be.

I can understand your feelings, though. You'll probably never hear the end of it from anti-homebirth people who just don't get it. But the point of homebirth is not that it's 100% safer 100% of the time. The point is that it's safer when the preganancy is judged low-risk. If you know of a problem that requires medical intervention, then you get it. Just like you'd go to the doctor if you broke your arm, though you don't need to go if your arm ain't broke (or something like that ).

[Juvysen]

Have you found a midwife willing to deal with those risks? I had a homebirth midwife tell me (when I was asking about the possibility of certain problems that we'd be testing for) that if you're *sick* or the baby's *sick* then you belong at the hospital for birth - that's what hospitals are for, sick people. If you're having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, why not at home? But if you *know* one of you is going to need help, I suspect you'll have a hard time finding a midwife willing (or legally able) to take on that risk.

[5gifts]

Thanks everyone. A little bit of what I said came out a little wrong, but I think you all got the gist of what I'm trying to weigh. I didn't mean it so much as I want to 'prove a point' even in the face of 'known' medical need.

See the thing is, The doc hasn't seen or found a thing wrong with me or baby...yet - I still have 10 weeks. I was just going to stay home & birth by default, unless something came up in the end. But last month I suddenly decided I wanted to hire a MW to be here just in case. Like having her would be enough to prevent us from heading to the hospital. She would have oxygen and bag -no intubulation or epinepherine. Maybe the baby would be ok enough to stay out of hosp, and we'd start working with the ped on the needs of baby. But I haven't been able to have a calm mind at all this preg & have had such morbid gloom & doom....so if you take a peek at my thread in ask an intuitive you'll see what I'm now debating about....


What CHaoticzenmom said is more how I feel:

"I understand though, the feelings inside when you have to go with something you don't like and it almost proves that the doubters were right. You feel like they'll have power over you in some way. Put pride aside here and just go with your Mommy gut, not your "I'll show you." attitude. Yeah, a homebirth would probably go ok, but if it didn't...that would be even worse ammo for the naysayers."

Sooo....initially my thinking was that I hire a very experienced & level-headed midwife for this birth. But that scares me & I feel like I'm too 'chicken'. However, the kids & other moms that know me well (not even particularly crunchy - just have know me & what I'm like for years) when I explain how I think this birth/baby might turn out - have all still said have your homebirth, don't worry what other people think. But it makes my brain hurt and I don't want to think & make decisions anymore!!!! So I feel like I want to turn off my brain, run to the hospital & let the docs take care of everything & run the show.

Alot of what Sweet.p said resonates with why I want to just go to the hosp. But I do feel like I'm just caving in and not necessarily weighing which is the best for me & baby. I honestly think that either way I go - everything will turn out fine. But the one I most believe in is SCARY!

As for the midwife, unless any real medical indication shows up that baby or I are higher risk - she will attend me. Its only gut feelings & intuition. There is just the normal risk of resusitation that comes with any birth. No indication of heart problems or the need for life support equipment - nothing showed on a 27 week ultra sound. If I knew having her here would be enough to keep us out of the hosp - I'm all for it. She said 'If only we had a cyrstal ball '

Maybe this question then....If you had amnio and confirmed that a baby had Down's syndrome (just an example - that's not particularly what I think about this one, but who knows)....would it still be reasonable to homebirth. I assume baby might be 'not so robust' low muscle tone, slow to start, weak sucking type stuff. But no heart condition. I would want to be so on top of it that we start working with the ped right away on feeding issues, reflux, lathargy, test for metabolic/mito stuff, swallow issues, muscle test me/baby for foods to avoid (our chiro does that -some of my kids have wierd food intollerences), nip BF problems in the bud, get lots of chiro care...ect..And all that would keep us out of NICU. Where we would otherwise certainly end up there - if we were clueless about the special need...as things quickly went down hill the first few days/weeks.

Ok - so this post turned a little rambly....that last part is just some of the musings going on in my head Like if I call all the shots & do everything just right, I can be the 'super mom' and be so on top of my baby's needs that we don't even need to be admitted to the hosp and have the 'bumbling' docs try to figure out what's wrong and try to get me to feed the baby all kinds of crap....TOTALLY not ment to be offensive to someone that has already walked that path. Just my mind playing out a scenerio of how I would want it in a perfect world. Obviously it would never be so black and white - that my way is right and all the docs are crazy

Well, I'll stop for now....

[stik]

Originally Posted by 5gifts

Suppose you 'knew' that basically you and baby would be fine, but baby would likely need ressusitation at birth, and possibly need to be transfered to the hospital if born at home. And farther, baby may end up having challenges due to genetic issues.

Organic brain damage starts at 4 minutes without O2. You said you are four miles from the hospital. How long do you think it would take the paramedics to get to you? How much training in neonatal resuscitation do your local paramedics have? Do they carry the equipment needed to intubate a newborn?

In my mind, there's a huge disconnect between your assertion that you "know" you and the baby will be fine, and your explanation that the baby will likely need resuscitation at birth. For myself and my own children, needing resuscitation at birth is not fine - it's really scary and dangerous.

Given that you've got a great OB, I don't think there's anything to be gained by a home birth in the situation you describe.

ETA: We cross-posted, and I didn't see your second post. So what I see now is that you have a strong intuition that something may be wrong, but there is no medical indication supporting your intuition right now?

I think, to an extent, you have to listen to your intuition. If your intuition is telling you something is up, but you don't know what, you might feel safer in a hospital and things might genuinely be OK at home. It's a hard call to make. How would you feel about laboring at home and transferring if things felt "off"? Do you really have to decide now, or can you alert your support people and make decisions in response to events?