Would you/do you have children whose parents you don't know play inside your house?

[peaceful_mama]

First of all, I want to say we are talking about preschool/kindergarten age. I might feel differently about this if we were talking about older kids after school---if it was a case of "better *my* house because I'm home than this kid's empty house from after-school till 6 PM..."

The area I live in has to me an epidemic of kids who run around outside really young and unsupervised.

This is the first year this has really come up where the kids are wanting to bring friends in.

*MY* rule has always been that I don't let anyone come in here who I don't let them visit----i.e. people whose "adults in charge" I know. Partly because I have a hard enough time prying DS1 away from the idea that he's going to bring his friends in to watch TV on perfectly nice days.
Partly because I feel there's a liability to having these "unknown" kids in here.

And my 3rd reason is I feel it sends a double-standard to my kids---anyone can come in here, but they are not supposed to go in anyone's house? (I have made *one* exception to that rule and that is for DS's 'best friend' whose 'adults' I've known for pretty much the entire little over a year we have lived here.)

Today, I was napping with DS and DH let someone in who I previously have not.
I haven't really discussed this with him as it's never come up....so I guess I'm not totally mad, but I will be talking with him and now I feel it's going to be harder to "enforce" my rule since he's 'broken' it.

(I *do* let them do things like share popsicles outside, bring toys out, whatever. I just feel like inviting 'just anybody' in where we're not out in the open is I don't know inviting liability and making me responsible when I'm not sure I want to be. And if there were ever a situation where it started to rain or something and one of their little friends said they were locked out of their house--yeah I'd check the story, but then OF COURSE I would let them in.)

I also have gone 'worst case scenario' in my head--I wouldn't want to be in a situation where we might be accused of hurting one of these kids or something. (maybe that comes from a daycare/special needs teacher background--you don't change diapers alone behind a closed door, that kind of thing.)

am I paranoid?

[marinak1977]

I haven't reached that age when my DS would start bringing friends in, but I'm paranoid with you. Unless the parents ok it the kids won't be allowed in my house.

[LynnS6]

I don't let completely unknown kids in our house, but I do let kids whose parents I don't know very well in. We have a group of kids from about age 5-10 who play together in our neighborhood (most are 7-10), and they move pretty fluidly around.

If I had a neighbor child who wanted to come play in our house, I'd go over and introduce myself to the parents. I'd then exchange phone numbers so I could contact them, and make sure it was OK with them that their child came to my house. If it was, I'd be OK with it.

[COgirl19]

We had this same problem in my old neighborhood. My rule is that if I don't know the parents, they cannot come inside. For me it's mainly a liability thing like you mentioned - I would never want to be accused of anything and if I don't know the parents and they don't know me from Adam that leaves me and my family completely vulnerable. It's sad that it had to be that way but in this age of lawsuits and such I just won't risk it. IN ADDITION to the fact that it could be the parents don't want them in my house but just haven't met me in order to express that. Like the OP said they can play outside in the front yard together or something but not IN the house.

[justmeandmybrood]

We moved a year ago - DS was 6, so prime age for starting the playing with the neighborhood kiddos, and since we live in a cul-de-sac of row homes, we are very close proximity-wise (for better or worse, lol!).

What I did before anyone went into anyone else's home was introduce myself to all the parents. The day DS wanted to bring friends into our home, I walked down to the friend's house with the children, formally introduced myself, let them know we have no firearms, no animals, etc. and gave them a post-it with our names, kids' names, and our address and phone number.

Before I allowed my babies into others' homes, I first got to know the parents while they kiddos played outside the first couple of months. I also got their phone #s and names, as well as asked them about firearms in their homes (I think some of them thought I was pulling their leg)!

[berry987]

We live in a neighborhood where kids run all around unsupervised and I've always felt that was a really good thing (as opposed to the "helicopter parent" type places). I let my 3 and 5 yo run around - they don't go in other homes, of course, just other yards. I've had a couple of kids in my home I didn't know well, but never anyone I didn't know at all. That would be a little weird to me - I'd wonder if the parents knew where they were, etc. Whenever the neighbor kids are out and about and want to come in our house, I send them home to ask a parent. What about setting a rule that to enter your home they need to go and ask their parents?

[peaceful_mama]

there were a couple girls here (one DD has played with lately and her sister) here today in and out of our place for a couple hours at least. And I mean 'in' for quite awhile--I know they sat and watched Spongebob.
DH was "in charge" during this, he very graciously gave me an afternoon off today. (he works weird hours so one of our ways to have any sort of 'couple time' is to stay up late Sat. night, then, like today, I took the 'early shift' and spent the afternoon napping with DS2.)

It concerns me that during all that time, nobody came looking for them. Granted, the one who's spent the most time playing with my kids just turned 6 and has older sibs who are out with her--haven't asked how old they are but I'm taking a guess on 10-12?

And the only time I have ever seen--well, I assume the person was mom--was about three nights ago, I saw them walking across the parking lot toward their place the same time I was 'herding' my kids home.

I *still* think though even if my kids were 10-12 and we lived out here, I'd be walking around looking for them if I hadn't seen or heard from them in the last hour or so, and they had not come told me "Mom, I'm going to play Wii at Bobby's" or something.
Though I can't honestly say whether or not DH sent anyone to ask their parents if they could be here....I wasn't in the room, I just heard the kids playing.

We'll be talking a little more about it tonight. I'm also (I think justifiably) concerned that by having "unknown" kids visiting our home, it sets a double standard, since we are in agreement that we don't want *them* to go in anyone's home. (with the one exception of the kid upstairs who is DS's age and who he played with outside all last summer. I have gotten to know his family too because they are actually outside supervising often.)

[cschick]

There are kids I know--who are part of the neighborhood "group"--that I have let and will let inside my house, and now that I think about it, I know very little about or of their parents. I know what house the kids belong to, and generally I know their parents names. One set of kids in particular that I'm thinking of, I don't really know their parents because their parents don't speak English very well (they're Asian . . . Japanese or Chinese?) and our few attempts at conversation have ended up with us staring at one another in confusion.

I've let the next door neighborhood kids in my house, and I've had some limited conversation with their dad--we've ended up playing soccer with him across our two front yards a few times. I think I met their mom once, four or five years ago, when they were building the house. She doesn't come outside much.

(edited: the neighborhood group of kids ranges in age from 3 up to 8)

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I let unknown kids into our house, but would not let DD (age 5) into other houses unless I know the parents.

[Jessy1019]

I would tell them to go ask their parents for permission and come back if it was okay . . . but yes, I'd let them in after that.

The only reason I'd even have that much of a rule is because I wouldn't want to be the mom whose kid went outside to play and then disappeared to who knows where. I'd expect my kids to ask if they were invited in somewhere, as well . . . or at least to call me when they went in.

[Alyantavid]

I wouldn't. It's never come up though. I live in the country and down the lane I live on are several other houses. Some of the houses are rentals so there are different people in them all the time, but the rest of the homes have the same neighbors that we've had since we moved in 8 years ago.

One set of brothers, I do know the parents and have for a long time. But I don't let those 2 in my house anymore because of previous issues and at the moment, they're not allowed to play at my house, inside or out.

There is another boy who's my son's exact age that moved in a few weeks ago. I have met his mom, as has dh and he's welcome to come over anytime.

My son is 8 and is not allowed to just go to anyone's house. I need to know where he is and if I didn't know the parents, I wouldn't let him go at all. The first set of boys I mentioned, he's not allowed at their house period.

[HappilyEvrAfter]

I with you, OP. I feel like it's an unecessary liability.

If I haven't at least met one of the guardians then I don't let the child in my house...for numerous reasons. If there is a group of them then they all stay outside unless I know all their guardians.

And, the same goes on the flip side. Mine is not allowed to go into anyone's house whose guardians I have not "approved".

I generally "know" all the kids in the neighborhood since we're such a small community, but I still think it's in everyone's best interest if both sets of guardians are aware of each other.

I thought about the "go ask your guardian" thing, but I'm worried that they'll leave and come back without ever really asking.

[nextcommercial]

I probably would. I'd be a little afraid that a parent would freak out on me though. But, I like being able to have kids over to play.

[phathui5]

I let my oldest (9yods) play outside on our street with the neighbor kids, but I wouldn't want him to go in someone's house if I didn't know them. With my younger three, I don't like them going to other people's yards/houses without me. That being the case, I let any kids play in our yard, but don't let them in if I don't know their parents.

[childsplay]

Well, we don't have many kids in our neighborhood, but my kids have had friends come over after school to play. Kids who's parents I've spoken briefly to on the phone (while making arrangements)

I will admit I'm always surprised that the parents don't choose to bring the child themselves, you know, so they can meet me, check out the house, etc. Instead I end up either picking the child up at the bus stop or at the school.

DH (and other folks) say it's because I do home childcare that the parents don't even hesitate for a second to send their kids over.
I end up meeting them after the playdate....at pick up time.

In short, no it doesn't boyther me terribly, but it does leave me feeling a bit unsettled at the ease the parents let go of their kids KWIM?

As for me, there's no way in heck I'd let my kids visit a home and family I haven't thoroughly checked out.

[TzippityDoulah]

in general no we don't allow this. if someone wants to play indoors I talk to their parent first. some people I don't let in b/c I'm not comfortable with them. I think it's a HUGE liability. honestly, what if they accused me or my husband of doing something wrong? I mean these thigns have happened before. and I realize it's unlikely, but you never know. I've seen my own kids anser things falsley wihtout even intending too... by being swayed by an adult.


alls it takes is a well meaning parenting asking about a general topic "like has anyone tried to hurt you before?" and then the kid doesn't know what to reply... so they say what they think the adult asking wants to hear. and before you know it someone has a lawsuit agianst them for something that never happened.

ok this makes me sounds PARANOID! I know... I know. I just think i never know what kinda craziness another parent allows or encourages in their home and I'm not willing to go there. Ive known people this has happened to and I'm just as soon avoid it. I always try to encourage outside play or for the parents to come over or I to go over there as much as possible. there are always exceptions to this rule - espcially for older kids. it's that preschool age I'm most worried about.

and yes I agree with you - I try to stick to rules both ways. I don't let my kids to other people's hosue without knowing them too. infact I find it VERY weird how many preschoolers have come to my home and just opened the door and walked right in - their parents don't have a clue where they are!

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

I thought about the "go ask your guardian" thing, but I'm worried that they'll leave and come back without ever really asking.

yes exactly! that's why I send my very honest 9 yr old over to make sure the kids asks and report to me back exactly what she says. my 9 yr old is incredibly honest so that is helpful.