5 year old acting out

[JunipersMom]

So the last few visits with their dad.. my soon to be 5 year old has been acting crazy when she gets home.
Today she told me that my ex's girlfriend LOST her at the botanical garden. So when I called my EX to find out what happened he said he didnt know <then said he'd apologize to her later, so who knows.. believe the 5 year old or the ex> and then she went on to throw the mother of all tantrums which included throwing things, kicking things and yelling at me ...
I'm sure she's confused about the girlfriend taking her dad's attention - and the change from his house and rules to mine cant be easy for her (we actually have rules here).. and I'm glad she feels safe enough to act out with me to try and 'find her emotional way' through all this.. but this momma is at her breaking point! I never spank, never use time outs, try to talk things out.. but its gone beyond my parenting skills at this point. She's in time out right now.. hopefully we can both calm down..
Should I just ignore it and go on with life - or risk her getting upset again and bringing it up to talk about it when she calms down?
ughhh... being the only grown up in this whole thing is really getting old

[Learning_Mum]

DS1 went through a similar stage. All I could do was be consistent, enforce the rules and give lots of love and cuddles. I do try to ask him open ended questions so I can gauge how he's feeling. It gave him a way to express himself. I would also ask him prompting questions like 'do you feel sad when Daddy has to go home', that kind of thing, but only when I was fairly sure of what was bothering him. It's been good too because he's alot better at expressing when he's feeling sad or disappointed or angry now.

Otherwise, just hold on. It took a few months for us to get over it. Oh man, it was such a rough few months but things are sooooo much better now. She's processing. It must be very hard and confusing for her to see her Daddy with a new woman in his life. You guys will get there!

Also, if you have a fairly decent relationship with her Dad I would see if you guys could set up some rules that are consistent at both houses and have consistent consquences. It doesn't have to be alot. Just a handful of the most important.

Hugs to you. It's a sucky time!

[HappyTomato]

My DS was 4 when his dad and I split up. He would do the exact same thing when he would get home from his dad's. After counseling and talking with my friend who is a divorce atty, the behavior, while upsetting and stressful, is normal. Especially if the dad only has the child for a weekend because then he doesn't want to discipline since they only have a short time together. I agree with the pp that consistency will help but so will time. Have your chlid draw a picture to show how she feels. Sometimes that helps get the anger out in a constructive way. My DS still has trouble when he gets back from his dad's now at 6 but he is able to express himself alot better so he doesn't have the major meltdowns anymore. Its hard but hang in there. Kids are resilient and the two of you will get through this.

[meemee]

ignore it.

ugh i am so tired of repeating this. i should really keep this as a word document.

i dont see many articles on this. whatever i learnt i picked up from my IRL friend's experiences with their 5 to 6 year olds and also with my child.

it isnt about single parenting. its a age dvt thing. i call it the first true teenage phase. the angst phase. my extremely aritculate 5 year old was able to tell me she felt like she became two personalities. and even though she knew she was doing wrong she couldnt stop herself. its almost like someone else lived in me mama, someone i didnt know or recognise and they made me do things which i didnt want to do.

this i feel is part of an emotional growth spurt. and they need all the support you can get.

the 'behaviour' is the symptom, not the disease itself. once their angst is over which could last 2 weeks to 3 months, they seem to mature and be able to handle things better.

OMG pooor me!!!!! dd was in such a state taht i had NO IDEA how to react, what to do. it seemed like everything i did was wrong. it was all so frustrating.

till i realised how much more it was for dd. and my anger adn frustration went down the stream. its almost i saw her with new eyes i liked what i saw. i remember at that time dd wanted me near her, but not touching her. she has doen the exact same things.

also my perspective helped. i took upon her bad behaviour as a compliment. that she trusted me sooo much, trusted that no matter what i would still love her.