My whole family is a mess right now...my head is spinning.

[tanyam926]

I just feel so overwhelmed w/everything that's going on w/my family right now.

It seems like everyone has gone crazy in the past few months.

My aunts, uncles, and cousins have been a mess for a long time so that's nothing new but it seems like it's getting worse w/them.

My sister has gone off the deep end, told her dh of 8 yrs and father of their 2 children that she has never loved him, has been having an affair and wants a divorce so she can marry the new guy. I don't even know how to process this bc this is my sister who has always been a wonderful mother and wanted so much more for her children than we had growing up...I don't get it.

My dad is taking the situation w/my sister super hard, esp since my BIL (who is a great guy and is part of our family) is staying at my parents' house right now while he figures out what he is going to do and dealing w/the devastating loss of his family and the woman he has always loved. My dad is super hard to deal with, he does not express his emotions in a healthy way and does not have a great relationship w/his children bc of it. The situation w/my sis and BIL is bringing up a lot of undealt with emotions from my dad's first marriage.

So my dad is angry and hateful to my mother and drinking even more than usual (my dad has had a long issue w/alcohol and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to my mother for as long as I can remember). I love my dad bc he is my father, but also bc I have seen how loving he can be when he wants to be. He is impossible to talk to though bc he never thinks he is in the wrong. Ever.

I have told my mom that she doesn't deserve to be an emotional punching bag for my dad and that whatever she decides to do I will support her. My mom and I are super close, more like friends now that I am older. I consider her my best friend and I love her so much. She is a wonderful gma and mom, and it breaks my heart to see her having to deal w/the way my dad is towards her.

I just need some hugs and some BTDT advice if you guys have any. I am feeling really sad right now. Thanks.

[RedOakMomma]

My SIL made a similar announcement almost a year ago. It was a complete shock. One year later people seem to be settling into their new roles. The divorce is complete. My BIL seems to have been very helped by going through the whole process with the guidance of a good therapist.

[tanyam926]

Thanks, I know it will settle down eventually.

I guess my question is how do I not let it affect me so much? I would like to be able to support those that need support but also be able to enjoy my own family and not think about it ALL THE TIME.

I guess I don't know what my role is, what I am supposed to do (there's nothing I can do though). I feel like everyone in my family should be getting closer and supporting ea other but instead everyone is acting selfish and taking out frustrations on ea other.

There are so many unresolved issues from my own childhood and my (and my siblings') relationship w/my father...I feel like I have dealt w/them enough to be able to make different choices in my own life, but maybe I need to talk to someone about all this.

I just need to purge it all to someone I trust and get some tools to work through this.

Thanks to all those who read this, I really just needed to vent and put it all somewhere other than just in my mind.

[Drummer's Wife]

I'm sorry. It sounds like a lot for you to have to deal with. I'm not sure how I would feel, either. I'd probably try to stay as neutral as possible and just be there for anyone who wants to talk. Hopefully time goes quickly and everyone adjusts to all the changes soon. It's hard with all those varying emotions involved.

[proudmomof4]

That's a tough spot to be in. Maybe you can find a "neutral third person" to talk to so you can sort through things for yourself - therapist, pastor, best-ever girlfriend, whatever could work for you?
Sending you a !