My 7yo Child HATES School- ideas?

[attached2ethan]

I am getting increasingly concerned about my 7yo and his extreme dislike of going to school. I would love some advice from some other like minded parents about how to handle the situation.

For Kindergarten he attended a traditional public school, which I quickly found to be contradictory to everything I beleived in as a parent. I grew tired of the lack of involvement with the teacher, not knowing what was going on each day, the bullying, his behavior and things he was learning from other kids, and the "cow in a herd" mentality. Oh, and the snobby mothers that wouldn't look me in the eye when I did attempt to volunteer, etc...DS didn't really seem to learn anything new the entire year, however he was VERY happy there. We moved over the summer so I started looking at other options.

So long story short, we switched to Montessori this year. I am beyond thrilled with the school- it's very small, the communication is great, I'm on board with *most* of their philosophies, no tolerance for bullying, lots of individual attention and interactions with the school and the educators, field trips every week, etc...but all year DS has been complaining. He really hates getting up every day and going there. I think part of it is that his 4yo brother is still at home with me (we chose not to attend preschool but he will be going to the same school as his older brother next year for Kindergarten). BUT in all fairness, the 7yo had his time at home with me too, and our kids know that 5 years old equals Kindergarten.

I just don't know how to help him like it more- I've spent lots of time at the school and I really think it's a fabulous environment. He has also learned a LOT of practical things this year, real life stuff, and not just math and reading- he comes home with all kinds of cool knowledge and has had no trouble making friends. He doesn't seem to have a lot of reasons for NOT liking it, mainly he just complains that it's boring. I've talked to the teacher about it, and they've done everything they can think of to engage him and help him- but he has had moments lately of being downright disrespectful of them and I am so bewildered. He is mouthy lately and we're having the same trouble at home- but for a kid who's very independent and like to have control over his environment, I thought that Montessori would be the best thing for him. It just breaks my heart a little each morning when I have to coerce him into going to school when he doesn't want to.

I'd love to homeschool but DH is totally NOT on board (I've tried!) and I would really suck at it anyway- just thinking about it is overwhleming. Any thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated!!!

[dawningmama]

What are his specific problems with school?

Mouthy and disrespectful can often mean a bored kid. Is he being challenged enough there? Can you get him to talk about the parts he does like and exactly what parts he doesn't like?

[brokenheart]

I'm so sorry, that is really stressful. I honestly don't know how to handle that. Hugs.

[mumsafari]

I supposed if he is says he is bored, then he likely is. However, you (or hubby- whoever is closer) may still wanna have a couch talk with him and find out the exact reasons. Here's what to do if he is bored:

1. discuss way that can enhance his position by assigning him to a teacher and help out in any way.
2. let him bring a friend home after school for revision and constructive play
3. reward him something small at the end of each week for attending school or finishing his homework
4. sign him up for after class activity
5. spend some to engage him in a conversation about school
hope this helps

[UpNorthJewels]

It could be that Montessori, while an excellent program for some children, is not right for your child. We all have different learning styles. A true Montessori school is very self-directed. They allow the child to decide how and what they are going to learn.This may be a very uncomfortable style of learning for your child as you have stated he really enjoyed his public school last year. Maybe you could start researching all the different types of schools that are available in your area and see which type may be a good fit for your child. It could be that he needs more guidance and structure than he is currently getting. Good luck.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by UpNorthJewels

It could be that Montessori, while an excellent program for some children, is not right for your child. We all have different learning styles. A true Montessori school is very self-directed. They allow the child to decide how and what they are going to learn.This may be a very uncomfortable style of learning for your child as you have stated he really enjoyed his public school last year. Maybe you could start researching all the different types of schools that are available in your area and see which type may be a good fit for your child. It could be that he needs more guidance and structure than he is currently getting. Good luck.

Yep. If you know how he learns, you may be able to find a school that caters to that a little bit more. My oldest kid would do fabulously in a Montessori school. My younger one, not so much.

My now 8 year old, hated school last year. It was all because of his teacher. He's very advanced and she couldn't accept that he was at all, so he was bored to death and misbehaved and talked and was in trouble with her all the time. His teacher this year figured out very early on that he needs something to challenge him and has done a wonderful job of doing that. And he likes school again and isn't in trouble at all.

[K1329]

Because he liked school at his last school, I would agree with the pps. It may be that the school itself is not meeting his needs. I would explore other options in your area.

[spirit4ever]

Hi,

My ds has hated HATED school, for the past year, and disliked it the year before that! Although our situation is different, he has severe learning disabilities overall my story may apply to you. What I mean is that the school he is in now, which is a reg public school cannot meet his needs, not even close.

We have searched and finally found a school that is geared to how he's going to learn. Last week he got to spend a day there, and finally just heard that he has been accepted! We're both looking forward to the fall!!!

So like pp's have said, maybe its the school?

Good luck, I know all too well how hard it is to send your child somewhere where they really don't want to be.

I've actually lucked out to have an amazing teacher and principle at his school now, they've agreed to let ds go to school part time until the year is over! that in itself has made a world of difference!

[boo-bearsmom]

my 5yo ds (an only child) is also in Montessori, and has been hating school for two years

Well, he SAYS, he hates school , but when he is there, he seems to thrive For him, its more about the dichotomy between his weekend/family existence and his weekday time, away from his parents for 5 long days

i think that in our particular case, his hate school is more about preferring to be home.

anyway, wondered if your Montessori school,like ours, has a counselor you could speak with, who might be able to help you understand better what is happening for your son int he classroom?

Also, school adjustments are HARD -- like changing ajob, and each person must adapt in their own time, I think

good luck!

[attached2ethan]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I've considered a lot of things, but I forgot to mention a key point- and that is we just found out earlier this year that he has Sensory Processing Disorder- I've suspected for years, but no teachers have ever given me the time of day about it until now. His teachers are very caring and we sat down and had a conference about it, which prompted us to get evaluated and we're now doing therapy every week and have made some adjustements at home too. It's very frustrating because now I can understand my son 100% better, but I have figured out that at home, a structure works better for him- so I think at school, he might be wandering aimlessly because he gets very disorganized with his thoughts if he doesn't have a plan of what's coming enxt. Thus, resulting in boredom because he can't think of anything to do. At least, that's what I've found at home. So we're meeting with the teachers this week and the OT at the same time, so that we can talk more about how we can help him with this...hopefully some progress will be made as we go along and his teachers learn more about what makes him tick. The great thing will be having the same teachers again next year so we don't have to go through all of this at that time.