Building Self Esteem in Children

[brokenheart]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to build up great self esteem in kids? I was bullied to an extent in grade school (I was small and very shy), and as a result, low self-esteem has affected my entire life. I would never stand up for myself (just way too shy). Even many choices I've made are a result of low self-esteem. Basically I never feel good enough or that other people really like me. I'm always amazed and envious when I realize that a lot of other people don't feel like this...that they truly like themselves and feel confident and are able to stand up for themselves. Low self-esteem is an awful burden and not one that is easy to fix (at least I've never ever been able to get rid of it).

SO, I want to be very sure this doesn't happen to my child (she's 7). I know the family can work on self-esteem, but other kids can tear it down fast (as I know from experience). She's already having some of this....at her school, there is one girl who is trying hard to get between her and her best-friend (I know, it sounds so silly), and the girl is rather cruel at times (and the best-friend seems to go along with it). It really is upsetting my DD. This is just once situation, but I want to try to make sure this isn't something that will follow her throughout her life, like it did for me.

I was wondering about sports. Does being part of a team make it easier to have friends and not be a victim? I was never into sports so I have no idea.

[thatgirliknew]

I would suggest Tae Kwon Do because the competition there is more with yourself (can I get to the next belt?) than with others. BUT it definitely builds self esteem and self control.

[monkeybars]

I struggle with this too, and think there are lots of factors that go into how we perceive ourselves. This book:

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Will-Con.../dp/0786886579

has some really good information on the topic. It talks about how self-esteem can't be given to children (through adults merely praising them) but must be earned by them. Basically, she has this "strudel" theory - good self-esteem comes from lots of different exposure, experiences, trial and error, and outside support. There is a chapter that specifically addresses sports and the benefits to girls, which include teamwork and achieving goals versus typically female extra curricular activities like dance or art that are subjective. Overall, the book is pretty terrific.

Good luck

[brokenheart]

Originally Posted by monkeybars

Overall, the book is pretty terrific.

Thanks, I'll order it now...

[Linda M]

For myself, and after listening to some close friends' accounts, bullying and emotional abuse by mothers and others is indeed a large factor because I believed those lies.

To overcome the qualities listed, I surround myself with supportive, loving people.

I repeatedly give myself positive affirmations which eventually drown out the negative messages.

It takes a lot of time and energy and work with good friends and a therapist or other support group to undo the negative influences and "rewire" my brain and emotions so I can be positive about myself and others.

[SunRise]

I am very interested in this topic (for numerous reasons), but I just wanted to mention about my experience with sports in highschool.  I was shy and I liked activity, (swimming, running, tag, etc) I enjoyed team sports too - volleyball, basketball, baseball, but I wasnt very good at them (perhaps to shy to step up and get the people take over)  AND the girls that I played with were NOT helpful at all, you know, making loud dramatic noises if I missed etc. being the last person picked to be on a team. I endured this for 5 years of highschool (gym was optional, but I liked it all, but the team sports)

Anyhow, I had to play these sports in gym class and I hated it and felt like I was no good (and of course always that last person to be picked for a team) and wasn't able to improve because of being shy or now, lower self esteem. One day I spent the day at my friends school and attended gym class. We played volley ball and I had fun and did better. The kids were supportive and having fun, compared to the school girls in my school who were entirely too competitive. There was a huge difference in camaraderie.

SO, I am curious about this book and what it says about team sports and girls ' cause it didnt help my self esteem at all and perhaps made it worse!!!! BUT single / solo type sports were good for me. (running, tennis, etc)

[beanma]

I know this is an old thread, but look into Girls On The Run. It's a great program for girls 8-12 yrs old and encourages a positive outlook and physical fitness. My girls have been in it this spring and we've really liked it.