I'm struggling right now

[windorabug]

Hi, dd is 3.5 & I am not enjoying being a mom right now. My dd is an amazing sweet & kind little girl & doesn't deserve my jerkiness. I am a single mom & full-time student - I am in the process of applying to other schools to transfer to & I am contemplating a move away from where I have lived for the last 10+ years. She has just started the "watch me!" & "why?" phase & I can't stand it. She is constantly wanting to touch me but in a way that is super irritating to me - like touching & hugging my boobs or kicking me gently but constantly while fidgeting next to me. I know that I spend far too much time in my head & not focused on her & I'm sick about what my disassociation is doing to her. We have lots of friends & she is in school 4 days a week (just a couple hours here & there) So she is getting love & attention from elsewhere as well as me. She just has so much energy that I am unable to just cuddle with her - I have to be doing something with her all the time if I am interacting with her - wether it is reading the same book over & over or playing with her dollies or running around playing chase. I am bored by all these things - I want her to be able to play independently without causing chaos - which is probably what she is doing right now Whenever I ask her to help pick up the messes she makes she refuses & I am becoming resentful of that too.
I am mourning the end of breastfeeding & the loss of her babyhood. I feel like she needs me soo much more than I am able to give right now.
I really need to know how do I get back from here? - How do I reconnect with her without loosing my own sense of separateness & so that she knows that I have needs & feelings too. And that sometimes I just don't want to do 3.5 year old stuff?
Thanks

[madskye]

I had a tough time with the whole year of three. One of the hardest things, is that they're really NOT a baby anymore. They're becoming kids. And it's a big transition for both of you.

Can you seek out some new toys or interests for her? That might help a bit with the independence. Right around 4 DD became great at playing independently, but it was driven by Polly Pocket (not the crunchiest of toys, but she loves them and will play with them for a solid hour or so, and in turn, I love them.)

[pianojazzgirl]

I agree that 3 is a tough year. Also, did she just recently wean? If so there's a whole thread about weaning and depression going on in the Health and Healing forum that you might want to check out.

No matter what my kids' ages I find that if I'm getting irritated for whatever reason a good strategy is to enact a change of scene, ie. get outside! There have been times (esp when dd was 3) that we would spend almost entire days out at the playground. The dynamic changes a lot there.

[K1329]

I agree with the pp - 3 was a very rough year for me, too. When dd was 3 I didn't care for role playing with dolls and got very frustrated with her refusal to help pick up, or, to do anything I asked for that matter! Now, she's 6 and that all feels like a distant memory. We connect now on so many levels that we couldn't then... give it time.
In the meantime... could you try giving her your undivided attention for 15/20 minutes when you get home, then, tell her you need some time to study, cook dinner, etc? I tried this with my dd and it really fostered independent play. She seemed to be able to grasp that "mommy had some work to do" and that I wouldn't be able to play for awhile.
Also, try to schedule some downtime for yourself. It sounds like you have alot going on - school and a possible move - some downtime to relax/regroup has always made me a better parent.

[windorabug]

Thanks everybody
We did just recently wean (like within the last few weeks) so I will definitely check that thread. And we have those snap & style dolls that she loves & will play with on her own for a good bit of time - I will look in to polly pocket I know she would love them
3 years old is such a big transition year - huge leaps in independence yet still really needing lots & lots of love & touch.