napping & sleep problem

[pownalgirl]

My daughter is 11 weeks old and we're having trouble
with her sleeping, both for naps and for my husband on the 2 evenings a week I work. For naps, we carry her around in our carrier and she usually falls asleep fairly easily. However, after the first 30 min or so, she wakes up
crying. We read a bit of Pantley's No Cry Nap Solution and discovered she
should be sleeping for 1.5-2 hrs...So, we've been trying to put her in the
carrier at the first signs of sleepiness (about every 1-2 hrs) and
walk/rock/bounce/shhh her back to sleep when she wakes up (probably 5
times or so after that first 30 min), but it always takes 5-30 min to get
her to go back to sleep to try to get her to sleep for 1.5 hrs...Is this
what others have gone through? Are there other things we can try? Given how often she wakes (always crying) & the time it takes to get her back to sleep, it often feels like she's not getting any more than 45 min of total (interrupted) sleep, but by the time 1.5 hrs have passed, I feel like I should try to feed her...Also, any thoughts on ways to transition her to sleeping in the pack & play? My back is killing me from carrying her and doing all kinds of crazy motions...

The other sleep issue is that on the 2 nights a week I work, my husband is
home w/ her from 4:30-8:30p or so. She'll take one nap as described above
for my husband (though he struggles even more than I do), but by 6:30/7
when she'd normally start getting ready for bed (we co-sleep), she refuses
to be put to sleep in the carrier and spends the good portion of 1.5-2 hrs
screaming at everything my husband tries (walking, bouncing, shh-ing a la
the happiest baby on the block method, telling her it's ok, listening to
music, giving her a bottle (which she often doesn't want to take), etc).
I suggested just trying to hold her tightly so she can't squirm and wake
herself up & also to let her know that he's got her & she's ok, but he
thinks he's hurting her by not being able to get her to stop screaming
(not just fussing or crying, but screaming). I feel for him b/c I know how awful it is to hear her screaming on the nights when I'm home and he tries to do something, like change her diaper...We desperately need help b/c
it's driving him (and therefore me) to tears & horrible feelings of guilt.
We've just started trying a new bedtime routine - I feed her in the
rocking chair & then try to rock her to sleep - so that my husband has a
better chance of being able to get her to sleep (and b/c she lately won't
fall asleep while nursing any time of the day or at bedtime, anyway,
instead fighting & pulling off to keep herself awake). Please, please, any suggestions would be welcome (other than cry it out, of course...).

[beebalmmama]

It sounds like your doing everything right. Certainly you don't have anything to feel guilty about. Some babies cry more than others and sometimes for no reason but a need to cry out energy or restlesness. My first babe always nursed to sleep no problems. But my second always seemed to have a period of fussiness and would often cry for 30 min to an hour every night. He always started getting sleepy pretty early, around 7:00, but then at some point I realized he really had hit his wall about 30 minutes early. It helped when I started his routine for bedtime before he started acting sleepy. Other than that, we usually walked with him and the exercise ball was a blessing.
Do you swaddle at night? Your dh could try swaddling her and see how that helps.
I would absolutely not worry about how long she's sleeping during each nap. Many babies at that age may still be taking a few cat naps and not long naps. Mine was definitely like this. You may actually be trying to put her back to sleep before she is even ready.

Did you recently return to work? The baby could be readjusting to you being gone. I also really think 3 months is too early for them to have developed a real routine for sleep.

I tried putting my ds in the pack n play for naps around 3 months and I wasn't having any luck. I gave up since he wasn't staying down for more than 15-20 minutes and I wasn't getting a break. But then I tried again just a few weeks ago (about 4.5 months) and he's doing so much better. Staying down longer and transitioning really easy. So give it some time even if it doesn't seem to be working, because it might at some point.

It sounds like you and dh are doing great, hang in there.

[Critty]

I second the swaddling rec. DD would always wake herself up if she wasn't swaddled, right up to about 5.5 months. We recently got a white noise machine for her, it has a few different tracks, we put on the Lullabye when are putting her to sleep and then switch it over to rain (a true white noise). Now she recognizes the lullabye as time to go to sleep music and she stays asleep with the white noise. I either got those ideas from No Cry Sleep Solution or Sleepless in America - both great books.

Of course your daughter might change up her sleep habits in the 4th month. They always keep us on our toes

[tzs]

the previous posters had great advice. i just had to say that i don't know where these books come up with such long nap times for small babes. my dd didn't sleep past 45 minutes (which is one full sleep cycle) until she was 6 months.

[Alisse]

Originally Posted by tzs

the previous posters had great advice. i just had to say that i don't know where these books come up with such long nap times for small babes. my dd didn't sleep past 45 minutes (which is one full sleep cycle) until she was 6 months.

I don't know where they get the nap times either. My son usually has three 30min-45min naps a day. If he had a 2hour nap, i think i'd faint from shock. However, we can get him to nap nearly an hour sometimes if we wear him BUT he won't go down if he's not full.

[lkmiscnet]

I don't know if you are breastfeeding or not, but perhaps she is having a food intolerance to something in your diet--typically dairy can be a big culprit. Soy, wheat, eggs, chocolate, citric fruits are some other potential irritants. You might try an elimination diet to see if that helps.

She could also have acid reflux. You might discuss that with her ped at her next well baby visit. Does she arch her back when crying? You might try elevating the mattress to a 30 degree angle to see if that helps her sleep better to alleviate reflux if that is the issue.

Is she gassy? That could be another issue.

Also, when you shhhh her, your shhh needs to be louder than her cry to help calm her. Have you tried a white noise machine too?

I have an 11 mo old and in the early months, went through a similar situation and could not figure out what his cries meant. I was lucky to be able to nurse him to sleep fairly quickly (we still co-sleep), but he would still wake every 1-2 hours. It only took 5 min to nurse him right back to sleep. Now that he's more active, it takes much longer to get him to fall asleep.

Also, in the early months, my poor husband could not console our DS and he would scream the few occasions I was gone to an appt, so I know how that goes as well. He seemed to cry a lot. I did finally figure out after 4 months that he typically cried when he was overtired and needed to nap. You would think that sleep would just overcome them. Even now, he usually lets out an angry sounding cry as he is falling asleep and he will roll over a few times as if he is fighting falling asleep.

I read "The Fussy Baby" book by Dr. William Sears. It had some good recommendations. Wearing your baby seems to be a common theme. In many other cultures where babies are worn, they apparently don't cry so much. That might help your situation too if you are not doing so already.

Hang in there. It will get better. The first few months are the toughest for those with high need babies. I was in that category...