what are the best reasons to have a 2nd child? are you glad you did?

[indigosky]

I'm ready for kid #2 but DP is hesitant -- mostly, he says, because the logistics of having a second will be complicated for us, which is true. But I suspect he also feels like he's really enjoying DD -- far more than he expected to enjoy having a child -- and doesn't want to mess with what's working so nicely in our happy little family.

So I'm interested to gather more opinions. Are there things you particularly like about having two kids? Do you have regrets about having a second? What's the best reason to have more than one?

If we have a second, the age difference will be 3-4 years.

[berry987]

Best reason? Because as much as you love your first child, you'll love your second just as much. Who can't use more love in their life?? And your second child will be equally special and wonderful, but for completely different reasons....and that is amazing to witness.

And our kids are buddies and watching them play and talk and share with each other is my favorite thing in the world.

[phathui5]

I'm glad we had our second... and our third... and our fourth.

For me, I feel like when you have one child, you have to spend more time playing with them and being a buddy, whereas with several kids, I can go "Go play with your brother/sister."

[akayerich]

Originally Posted by berry987

Best reason? Because as much as you love your first child, you'll love your second just as much. Who can't use more love in their life?? And your second child will be equally special and wonderful, but for completely different reasons....and that is amazing to witness.

This is a beautiful statement.

DH and I have been discussing a 2nd child,too. I'll be watching this thread.

[Drummer's Wife]

berry said it well. No regrets on having a 2nd child (or a 3rd or 4th ).
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[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by indigosky

I'm ready for kid #2 but DP is hesitant -- mostly, he says, because the logistics of having a second will be complicated for us, which is true. But I suspect he also feels like he's really enjoying DD -- far more than he expected to enjoy having a child -- and doesn't want to mess with what's working so nicely in our happy little family.

So I'm interested to gather more opinions. Are there things you particularly like about having two kids? Do you have regrets about having a second? What's the best reason to have more than one?

If we have a second, the age difference will be 3-4 years.

We have a second kid. When we were in the process of making the decision to do that, I brought up a lot of your husband's points: I didn't want to mess with something that was working really well. The first year or so of having a kid was hard on us, and when we finally found a groove, I wanted to enjoy it. I worried that a second baby would mean more stress, more exhaustion, and less time for us as a couple.

And I was totally right about all of that. The first year with a new baby is hard, we're stressed, we're tired, we're having trouble finding the time and energy to connect. Sometimes I have to speak the fundamental truth of my experience of motherhood and say that parts of it suck.

I don't think that you can argue your husband out of his caution, because the issues are real and important. But you can make a plan for coping with the challenges, you can identify people and resources that can help, you can figure this stuff out. We made the leap and had a second baby in spite of all the problems we knew would be involved, and I am glad that we did. We love our daughter fiercely and we're glad that she's here.

[mamaw/two]

Originally Posted by berry987

Best reason? Because as much as you love your first child, you'll love your second just as much. Who can't use more love in their life?? And your second child will be equally special and wonderful, but for completely different reasons....and that is amazing to witness.

And our kids are buddies and watching them play and talk and share with each other is my favorite thing in the world.

Very, very well put. I remember being unsure if I would love a second child as much as the first, mostly because the love I felt for the first was so overwhelmingly amazing that I thought it would be impossible to feel that much love for another person. But I was so wrong, I feel just as much for the second, third, and fourth!!! Not only that, but I was very worried about how much having a second was going to take away time, attention, and love from the first...again, I couldn't have been more wrong, I didn't take into account the children's relationships with each other and how much they love and cherish each other. I read somewhere that the best gift a parent can give their child is a sibling, and I couldn't agree more.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by berry987

Best reason? Because as much as you love your first child, you'll love your second just as much. Who can't use more love in their life?? And your second child will be equally special and wonderful, but for completely different reasons....and that is amazing to witness.

I agree too!

[Joyster]

It's great. I think it was hard the first year as I was trying to deal with an infant and a toddler, but now that they're 2 and 4 it's wonderful to see them play together, see us as a family. I love DS2's crazy little personality, he has such passion. I love seeing them interact, how big brother takes care of his little brother, how his little brother wants to do everything big brother does. They both home today from their school, and enjoying a tray full of lunchtime goodies and a dinosaur movie. I was really worried about how a second would affect my bond and my time with my first. Well the amount of one on one time has seriously diminished, but our bond has changed, stronger, more flexible and he's learned that there is room in all our hearts for loving more people.

So now we're having a third.

[AmyKT]

Before our daughter was born we always just assumed we'd have two. Then when dd was tiny we thought "wow, this is so hard, maybe we should just stick with one." And then when she got older we thought "wow, this is so great, maybe we should just stick with one and not ruin a good thing." And there were many other considerations affecting our decision (fertility treatments, miscarriage), but the main thing that tipped our decision was this question: in 5 years, are we more likely to regret having a second child or not having a second child? We couldn't imagine regretting having another, so that's what we did. Well, not yet, but we're almost there.

[frogautumn]

Because they will be "in it together" for better or worse--they will be the only ones who will have known what it was like to grow up the way they did, with us as parents, in our own family culture.

Because hopefully, they will always have each other, even after DH and I are long gone.

[cappuccinosmom]

I am so glad we had our second, and our third.

The logistics may or may not be harder. It depends on your family.

I accept an increase in logistical difficulty and remain open to children. The reasons are many, and it's partly to do with my faith, but it is in no way an onerous duty to have more. It is an awesome thought.

My first son is a brilliant little individual. His brothers are too, in very different ways. Sometimes I just sit back and watch them in complete awe and fascination. They're brothers so there are some similarities, but they are each just unique, and add different and wonderful facets to our family dynamics. We have had no trouble loving subsequent children, for this very reason. There's nothing not to love. It just increases with each one.

[Tjej]

I doubt you'll get too many people on a message board called "mothering" saying they regret their second child!

It's way more work, but it's also a lot more fun. And it is really great that they have eachother. And I personally see it as a gift to each of my children that they are NOT the sole child we can focus on - I think that can be a bit too much pressure as time goes on.

Tjej

[A&A]

Our children are 5 years apart because for awhile I was "sure" I was only going to have one. Then the "baby bug" bit me again and we had our 2nd. I'm so happy that we did.

[EmmalinesMom]

My girls are about 4 years apart, and it's been wonderful. I love watching them play together, and knowing that they have a sibling that like a previous poster said, will be with them for the long haul. I can't imagine going through life without my own sister.

Yes, it can be hard, but it's not twice as hard as having one child. And I think you get more than twice the joy.

[mamadelbosque]

My boys are nearly 2.5 yrs apart. DS1 is now just over 3 and DS2 is nearly 9 months - and their already starting to play together :yay it is *SO* cute to watch, and just super cooll to watch them learn and grow *together*. I never wanted kids at all, but once I had one I knew I wanted at least one more. I could still see myself with another, but I don't see that happening, and I'm OK with that.

You really do love them both just as much though, which is amazing. Who'd have thought you'd have that much love in you? I certainly didn't know I did!!

[JessieBird]

I agree with all the wonderful reasons given already and just wanted to add one more from a longer view into the future. Eventually we the parents are going to be the ones who need care and special support as we go through all the psychological and physical changes that come with adavanced aging. My parents are both in great health, independent and active with wonderful supportive partners. Still, I feel the need to be there a lot more for them than I did ten years ago and having siblings to share this with gives me incredible peace of mind. I don't think that I have ever spoken to an only child about this but I can only imagine the pressure that may be felt for caring for aging parents all by yourself, even if they never need actual wheelchair-pushing type help. Having siblings allows my brothers and I the freedom to live where ever we want, travel, be busy, etc, because we know that there is always another child and other grandchildren who will be in contact with our parents. We come and go and take our turns and it's a really nice symbiosis. In this way and in many others, having a second can be a great gift to your first child.

[mystiquesmom]

I'll be 100% honest: I panicked big time when I got pregnant with DS#2. DS#1 was(is) high needs and I didn't have a clue how I was going to handle 2, as I was struggling with 1. Well, DS#2 came along and it was the best thing that ever happened to our family. There were a lot of circumstances in the first year unrelated to either child that was extremely difficult to deal with, but he was the happiest baby on earth, which seriously helped me cope with the rest of my world crashing down on me. Watching and listening to both DS's play and laugh together is the best thing on earth. DS#2 has taught DS#1 a lot about sharing and patience, now that DS#2 is in the fun toddler stage(they are almost exactly 3 years apart). So am I glad I had #2? Without a question in my mind, absolutely.

[Apple Girl]

My favorite thing about having two is the joy that they bring each other. Younger DS just idolizes older DS, the boys play together and have such a blast. They give each other a home-based peer friendship that I can't provide for them.

They're 22 months apart. I love the closeness now, but at the time the only regret I had was that being pregnant with younger DS while older DS was a toddler was hard on me and in some ways made him leave babyhood sooner. But now, there are no regrets, things are just as I would like them in that respect.

[jeminijad]

Originally Posted by frogautumn

Because they will be "in it together" for better or worse--they will be the only ones who will have known what it was like to grow up the way they did, with us as parents, in our own family culture.

Because hopefully, they will always have each other, even after DH and I are long gone.

This is so true... my brother was my best friend for 2 decades. NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH understand our insane upbringing.