I have 5 yo twin girls. One of my girls hurts her sister multiple times a day, she pinches, hits, pushes and sometimes bites when she is frustrated. It doesn't take much to frustrate her.
I've dealt with it mainly by comforting the hurt twin then talking with the hitter about ways to handle frustration, other ways she could have handled the situation. We've talked about how she'd like to be treated. I've told her that she is teaching her younger brother, whom she does hurt but much less frequently, that hitting is acceptable. We talk a lot about "using words" and that we are a family that tries to use and listen to each other's words.
When I've asked her what she can do to stop huring her sister, she's suggested that she will "think" before she hits her sister and I've talked with her about counting to 5 (she loves to count), taking a deep breath or walking away if she is so upset she can't use her words.
Nothing helps. DH feels like it is because she doesn't have any consequences for hitting her sister and thinks she should get a time out or lose something. I am loathe to go down this path. My DD who is hitting is highly sensitive, overwhelmed easily by her feelings, cries and cries over things that most 5 year olds would roll with (i.e. I put the top of her sandwich on because I didn't know she wanted to do it and she cried for literally 10 minutes about this). I feel like consequencing hitting isn't going to help her learn to manage her feelings better. At the same time, I am fed up with this. She does not go to preschool and has never hit a friend, and I don't think she would, but I worry she doesn't have good skills at managing her feelings/dealing with frustration. I try to talk with her a lot about her feelings, knowing what they are, talking about them, etc, but again nothing seems to help.
Any ideas for how I can help?
I've dealt with it mainly by comforting the hurt twin then talking with the hitter about ways to handle frustration, other ways she could have handled the situation. We've talked about how she'd like to be treated. I've told her that she is teaching her younger brother, whom she does hurt but much less frequently, that hitting is acceptable. We talk a lot about "using words" and that we are a family that tries to use and listen to each other's words.
When I've asked her what she can do to stop huring her sister, she's suggested that she will "think" before she hits her sister and I've talked with her about counting to 5 (she loves to count), taking a deep breath or walking away if she is so upset she can't use her words.
Nothing helps. DH feels like it is because she doesn't have any consequences for hitting her sister and thinks she should get a time out or lose something. I am loathe to go down this path. My DD who is hitting is highly sensitive, overwhelmed easily by her feelings, cries and cries over things that most 5 year olds would roll with (i.e. I put the top of her sandwich on because I didn't know she wanted to do it and she cried for literally 10 minutes about this). I feel like consequencing hitting isn't going to help her learn to manage her feelings better. At the same time, I am fed up with this. She does not go to preschool and has never hit a friend, and I don't think she would, but I worry she doesn't have good skills at managing her feelings/dealing with frustration. I try to talk with her a lot about her feelings, knowing what they are, talking about them, etc, but again nothing seems to help.
Any ideas for how I can help?
