My 4.5 y/o DS is terribly shy and reserved around other people, and for some reason has always insisted that he "doesn't like" kids. He played with other kids for the first time last October, when we were at my SIL's wedding, and DS's two cousins were there. It was awesome, he played with them perfectly and they got along great. The cousins are great kids, very sweet and sensitive.
We have a new neighbor, "J" DS got attached to J right away. They played a lot over the weekend, at my house and theirs, and outside. J is much more outgoing than DS, and though he's just 6 months older, he is far more sophisticated than DS. I saw some slightly disturbing things while they played over the weekend, but chalked it up to typical kid behavior. Unfortunately it progressed, and I had to kick J out of my house this afternoon.
Now, before I go into a diatribe, I want to say that I understand perfectly well that he is only 5 years old. I don't even dislike the kid. I just don't like his behavior. His parents are divorcing, so I expect that has something to do with his behavior. Here is a list of what I witnessed over the past 3 days:
He always has to be in control of EVERY toy, and every game. Even in my son's bedroom, J will hoard the toys, and I will hear DS say, "Can I play with that now?" Of course, J will say "No."
Today, he was hitting himself on the head with toys, and then saying "Why did you hurt me?" I even came in the room and told DS not to throw toys. Then I saw J hitting himself in the head with a toy and blaming it on DS.
DS asked J today, "Do you like my train track?" J said, "No, it's horrible."
J will say, "Do you want to play with this toy?" DS will say "Yes," and J will say, "No, I want it now."
He is rude. I came into the bedroom today while they were playing, and he said, "What are you doing in here?" Also, when I told him that DS can't play after 4:00, he started grilling me about the reasons why. I was taken aback by this and actually gave him a reason-that DS's dad gets home and it's their time together. When I left the room, J asked DS if his dad really WAS about to be home.
He has no boundaries or respect for other people's property. He throws toys all over DS's room, trashing the place. What's funny is that today when DH got home, I explained to him that J does not respect other's possessions. As I was talking, DH interrupted me to say, "Wait a minute...did J just take something off someones porch and throw it down the stairs?" He had taken someone's plastic decorative duck and tossed it down the stairs.
The final straw for me, the one that made me kick J out of my house, was when he started destroying the train track that DS was building. DS got upset, and I told J to leave.
I am so sad over this, since DS really likes J. He's been talking about how much he likes him, and he waited all day long to play with him. DH and I have explained to DS that he won't be spending much time with J, and we gave him the reasons why.
J's mom is really nice and we had a good rapport. I'm sure I will eventually have to explain to her why I suddenly don't want DS to play with her son. Since J has already shown his ability to be reckless and destructive to other peoples property, I do NOT want my son associated with that behavior.
I will not permit my son to be around kids who are mean to him. He is an incredibly sweet kid, not a mean or devious bone in his body. He's certainly not perfect, and I've been on here more that once expressing exasperation at some of his behaviors. But mean and bullying he is not. I think he was just confused over J's behavior and didn't know enough to be hurt by it. I don't expect any kids to play perfectly together, and any of those things that I mentioned J doing would not be means for concern if they were isolated incidents of "kids being kids." It's just the pattern of these behaviors that I find objectionable, and I won't have my son around it, not while I can still protect him.
We have a new neighbor, "J" DS got attached to J right away. They played a lot over the weekend, at my house and theirs, and outside. J is much more outgoing than DS, and though he's just 6 months older, he is far more sophisticated than DS. I saw some slightly disturbing things while they played over the weekend, but chalked it up to typical kid behavior. Unfortunately it progressed, and I had to kick J out of my house this afternoon.
Now, before I go into a diatribe, I want to say that I understand perfectly well that he is only 5 years old. I don't even dislike the kid. I just don't like his behavior. His parents are divorcing, so I expect that has something to do with his behavior. Here is a list of what I witnessed over the past 3 days:
He always has to be in control of EVERY toy, and every game. Even in my son's bedroom, J will hoard the toys, and I will hear DS say, "Can I play with that now?" Of course, J will say "No."
Today, he was hitting himself on the head with toys, and then saying "Why did you hurt me?" I even came in the room and told DS not to throw toys. Then I saw J hitting himself in the head with a toy and blaming it on DS.
DS asked J today, "Do you like my train track?" J said, "No, it's horrible."
J will say, "Do you want to play with this toy?" DS will say "Yes," and J will say, "No, I want it now."
He is rude. I came into the bedroom today while they were playing, and he said, "What are you doing in here?" Also, when I told him that DS can't play after 4:00, he started grilling me about the reasons why. I was taken aback by this and actually gave him a reason-that DS's dad gets home and it's their time together. When I left the room, J asked DS if his dad really WAS about to be home.
He has no boundaries or respect for other people's property. He throws toys all over DS's room, trashing the place. What's funny is that today when DH got home, I explained to him that J does not respect other's possessions. As I was talking, DH interrupted me to say, "Wait a minute...did J just take something off someones porch and throw it down the stairs?" He had taken someone's plastic decorative duck and tossed it down the stairs.
The final straw for me, the one that made me kick J out of my house, was when he started destroying the train track that DS was building. DS got upset, and I told J to leave.
I am so sad over this, since DS really likes J. He's been talking about how much he likes him, and he waited all day long to play with him. DH and I have explained to DS that he won't be spending much time with J, and we gave him the reasons why.
J's mom is really nice and we had a good rapport. I'm sure I will eventually have to explain to her why I suddenly don't want DS to play with her son. Since J has already shown his ability to be reckless and destructive to other peoples property, I do NOT want my son associated with that behavior.
I will not permit my son to be around kids who are mean to him. He is an incredibly sweet kid, not a mean or devious bone in his body. He's certainly not perfect, and I've been on here more that once expressing exasperation at some of his behaviors. But mean and bullying he is not. I think he was just confused over J's behavior and didn't know enough to be hurt by it. I don't expect any kids to play perfectly together, and any of those things that I mentioned J doing would not be means for concern if they were isolated incidents of "kids being kids." It's just the pattern of these behaviors that I find objectionable, and I won't have my son around it, not while I can still protect him.
Now I absolutely HAVE to socialize more for DS's sake. We were in one of those "Music Together" classes last year, and there was a very sweet boy in that class around DS's age and now I'm kicking myself for not hooking up a play date. I always knew I'd be selective with regards to DS's friends, but I don't want to be bashed for being overly controlling. The way I feel about is that he's only 4 and doesn't know the difference between good friends and not-so-good friends. J is a learning experience for both of us
