Home School Groups....are they all like this?

[camprunner]

We've been a member of two homeschooling groups in our local area. I have a seven year old and a four year old. I'm not concerned about my four year old but my seven year old is of school age and very much desires to be socialized (but does not want to go to school and we don't want her to). The problem that we are running into is that both groups seem to be completely geared towards older kids and the the little siblings then just "tag along" getting the benefit of socializing and at times learning things that my children are not given the benefit of participating in. Currently one group offers one event per month that she is old enough to participate in. The other offers a play date weekly.

If I mention doing things for younger ones, I'm either told "but she's soooo young" or that there is a group over an hour away that I can take my kids to (others in this groups actually do this). I do not have the time to drive over an hour each way to take my kids to this other group nor do I want to waste the gas to get there several times a week nor does it fit in our budget.

We do particpate in local sports sometimes but it would be nice for her to develop friendships with kids who are also homeschooled. I guess I'm just frustrated but if you know of any ways for me to socialize my seven year old in a rural setting aside from groups, that would be great (we don't have neighbors and have not found a church that has common beliefs).

[Callimom]

When you say older kids what do you mean? school aged? I'm not completely clear from your post if there is a lack of activities for your 7 year old or your 4 year old.

IME the homeschool groups I am involved in tend to focus their activities towards school aged children and welcome younger siblings to tag along whenever/wherever that works for the group. Our group tends not to focus much if any energy on the younger group because at that age (pre K to K age) in our community there are still tonnes of educational, enrichment and social activities that are easily accessible. And younger siblings often get their needs met in other ways, often through connecting with younger siblings of friends or participating in programs aimed at the K age group.

However the groups I belong to are also open to someone starting an early learners group if that is what is needed for their family.

As a parent of "older" kids (12, almost 9 and almost 7) I have found there is a general age creep that happens in homeschooling activities. If an event is posted for 8 and up, inevitably some 7 year olds sign up and when the family of a bright 5 or 6 year old hears that they sign up as well. What ends up happening is that while the 6 year old may be academically bright, the activity often drifts down to the attention span and maturity level of the youngest in the group leaving a bright 9 or 10 year old, for whom the program was initially intended, bored. As an organizer of events I often post a higher age range than necessary for programs in the hopes of limiting that and attracting older kids.

I also find that most educational programs aimed at young kids (ie k - gr2) are not worth the money. We tend to skip the formalized programs and use the money for our own field trips or activities to explore that topic.

sorry - probably not what you wanted to hear.
Good luck finding what you need.

[camprunner]

The lack of activities is for my 7 year old. "Older" to them is ages 11 and up. It will be a long time before she is 11 and she wants to see kids now.

ETA: We have driven an hour for some activities (we just can't make a big committment) but we aren't creating realistic friendships this way and the activities have been really good for her. We've done three over the course of a year.

[CariOfOz]

Wow, so many groups are just the opposite (lots of activities for kids up to about 12.. but then they seem to filter back into the schools) that I'm not sure what to say! I might 'get' their response if you were talking about formal activities for a 3yo maybe.. but a 7yo is plenty old enough to enjoy & benefit. Are they trying to be all 'exclusive' or something?

[camprunner]

It has crossed my mind that maybe they are trying to be exclusive I don't think we've done anything to make anyone upset anywhere. The mom's actually still call me and talk to me as if I'm their friend. I've jumped in and helped where needed in both personal situations and group situations but as far as including my kids....well it just doesn't seem like they are.

[CariOfOz]

Have you tried talking to the person that 'runs' the local group and asking if there is a particular REASON they do not have activities for lower primary school age kids? (are there other kids about your daughters age who are at the group but can't participate?) If the reason is anything other than nobody has ever expressed interest, or nobody with younger kids has stepped up to organize it.. I'd just walk away and tell them I wasnt interested in helping with a group that was intentionally not including my child *shrug* Have you looked into things like Brownies and such?

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by camprunner

It has crossed my mind that maybe they are trying to be exclusive I don't think we've done anything to make anyone upset anywhere. The mom's actually still call me and talk to me as if I'm their friend. I've jumped in and helped where needed in both personal situations and group situations but as far as including my kids....well it just doesn't seem like they are.

I wouldn't go there just yet.
Perhaps the make up of the group and more importantly imo the ages of the kids of the organizers and leaders is influencing the activities that get organized.
A friend of mine moved to a homeschooling community where the make up of the group was mostly older kids (like 11 plus) and so people were just geared to think about that age group when organizing.

Why not just run something yourself aimed at the younger age group and see what happens?

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by CariOfOz

Have you tried talking to the person that 'runs' the local group and asking if there is a particular REASON they do not have activities for lower primary school age kids? (are there other kids about your daughters age who are at the group but can't participate?) If the reason is anything other than nobody has ever expressed interest, or nobody with younger kids has stepped up to organize it.. I'd just walk away and tell them I wasnt interested in helping with a group that was intentionally not including my child *shrug* Have you looked into things like Brownies and such?

What are the number? are there more kids you DD's age (5 to 8, or 5 to 7)? It may be a case of

1. not enough kids

2. no one was intrested before

3. no one with a child that age has stepped up to help plan and creat expereinces for kids that age

has the "mix" of the kids changed and the group not followed suit?

[chfriend]

It's the way Karenwith4 described here.

My suggestion is to start going really regularly to the events that are set up for your kids' ages. Look for a small group of like minded families and start getting together for activities that require a critical mass of kids.

Invite families with kids your kids' ages over for a potluck and play. Just focus on making real connections with real families and your community will grow.

[zeldamomma]

Another possibility-- are these big families? I wonder if they've filled their schedules with activities for older kids, and don't want to add activities for younger kids because they don't have time/energy/funds?

If you're a school-at-home type, homeschooling middle school and high school can be very time consuming.

What kind of activities are you looking for? A park day? Classes? Field trips?

If its field trips, maybe you could offer to coordinate a tour specifically geared for younger kids the next time the group goes to a museum, etc...

[camprunner]

Thanks so much for all of the responses. I do think the reasons are a combination of all of the above.

One of the groups is comprised of mostly very large families. I would imagine that time is a factor for them. There are plenty of younger kids in this group but since almost all of them have middle/high school aged siblings then I guess the older activities work for them.

One of the groups is very new so past happenings shouldn't really affect them (only about 6 months, I'm just already seeing the trend). There are more older kids in this group. There are probably 15 older kids and about 6 younger ones. So not that many little ones but surely there is something that we could do with them. There is one other child in this group in the same boat as my seven year old.

I think one of the things that I find frustrating is that the other kids are together A LOT more due to these other activities and it sort of unintentionally creates cliques when the others get together with them. Honestly, my seven year old will tag along with anyone so she isn't feeling as left out as the other little girl

Neither of these groups is like a big city group by any means and I'm sure that is why this seems to be noticable to me. As soon as we are able, we will try to have the other little girl and her family over for some play dates.

Between the two groups and an additional resource there are actually enough park days, classes, and field trips. I would just like for her to actually be able to make friends rather than just bouncing her every where because no one group can satisfy her needs right now.

Also, it is ok to participate in two groups right? I'm kind of getting the impression from one group that it's not but I've always felt that what we did with our time away from a group is our business. I have actually not mentioned participating in other groups to either of the groups.

[ikesmom]

I would offer to be the coordinator for a younger group..you could see if anyone is interested and do something- whatever you think the kids would enjoy. Our group is great about including everyone and doesn't say much about ages and lets the parent decide. Anyone can organize a field trip or workshop if they are willing to do the work. Sometimes only two or three moms get together for an outing or lesson if there is not enough interest for the whole group. During the summer we do a science week..each mom takes turns teaching and has opportunity to add to the group.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by camprunner

Also, it is ok to participate in two groups right? I'm kind of getting the impression from one group that it's not but I've always felt that what we did with our time away from a group is our business. I have actually not mentioned participating in other groups to either of the groups.

Well, down HERE it's fine to participate in more than one group It's sorta funny... there are a couple of groups that actually have the same 'core' group of participants. No 'group' owns your loyalty imo.. go where the activities are that interest you!

Originally Posted by ikesmom

I would offer to be the coordinator for a younger group..you could see if anyone is interested and do something- whatever you think the kids would enjoy.

That... maybe pick something you know your daughter would be interested in and offer to do X with the 6-10s or something? If it goes over well with the kids, they might come around to the idea

[Dakota's Mom]

I have seen our group "age". It used to be that all the activities were focused on the 4 to 9 year old crowd. But as the leader's children grew up so did the focus of the group. Now most of the activities are focused on the 10 and up crowd. There is also a group that focuses on the "tweens". My son is only 7 years old so there are not as many activities for him any more. I am in the process of organizing a series of events for the under 8 crowd. I am also starting my own homeschool group. You might want to try something like that.

Kathi