Withdrawl/Pull Out Method

[mommyin2008]

Just wondering if anyone has actually done it "right" and still had it fail on them? We've been using it for many years now during peak fertile times and no oops yet. I hope for one every month. My DH is very good with timing, etc and never slips up. Anyone else out there that has a DH with good control and still had a oops over time? Just looking for a light of possible hope that its still possible. I feel like he is so good at it that we wont have an oops and will actually have to start "trying". Not that I want a baby to be a oops btw, but at this point, I would rather have an oops baby than non at all, since my DH cannot commit to a time frame for haveing #2..though hes comfortable pulling out when im super fertile.

FWIW, when I do get pg[no trying, but a non pull out time..mis calculated ovulation] I get pg very easy on the first one time shot.

Thanks

[treegardner]

We've never done this mainly because my mom has told me that is how she got pregnant with me.

[Kathryn]

The reason it can fail so easily is that men have pre-ejaculate that has sperm in it. Not a ton, but it only takes one, yk? There's no 'knowing' when to pull out for that, thus why the pull out method can fail.
However, everything would have to be timed just right. It can happen, but I wouldn't count or hope on it.

[HulaJenn]

It's a myth that preejac has sperm. (or there's been more research and there has been this conclusion) Only if he has previously ejaculated within so many hours are there sperm present. If he pees in between DTD then it cleans them out. The reason it fails is usually lack of efficient withdrawal in time or DTD too soon after ejac and not cleaning the tubes. LOL
mommyin2008 - I feel for you. I was hoping for a withdrawal baby too, but realistically, it isn't good to hope for an accidental if your DH is not on board. I think talking to him about actually TTC and how you feel would be a healthier option.
good luck!

[Kathryn]

Huh, you're right! I didn't realize the thought on that had changed since the last time I had researched it. : (sorry for the incorrect advice, op!)

[mommyin2008]

Originally Posted by HulaJenn

It's a myth that preejac has sperm. (or there's been more research and there has been this conclusion) Only if he has previously ejaculated within so many hours are there sperm present. If he pees in between DTD then it cleans them out. The reason it fails is usually lack of efficient withdrawal in time or DTD too soon after ejac and not cleaning the tubes. LOL
mommyin2008 - I feel for you. I was hoping for a withdrawal baby too, but realistically, it isn't good to hope for an accidental if your DH is not on board. I think talking to him about actually TTC and how you feel would be a healthier option.
good luck!

Thanks everyone! I have already talked to him. Im trying to just give him time. Its really hard because he never really wanted any children and our DS was not planned. Quite the shock btw. he adores our ds and is the best father I could ask for for our son. He knows how I feel about having more children and DS having a sibling. He just can't commit to a time frame or even say "lets revisit the topic in 6 months". Its so hard to just wait it out and be left in the dark and not have any kind of goal to look forward to. I would soo happy at this point if he said "let me *think* about it..talk to me again in 3 months". But really all I get out of him is "I dont know if I can handle another one" or "definately not right now". I have been trying so hard to be patient and give him space and time. Its just that my DS is already 26 months and I really dont want them to be more than 4 years apart. If I had my way I would like them to be around 3 - 3 1/2 years apart. I just don't know how to let it go. I pray to god everyday to give me strength to let it be and have faith and I do, its just super hard to control my opinions when anything comes up about kids, babies, having more, etc. I dont bring it up unless its in a discussion and even then I try to keep my mouth shut its just so hard. Its like I want him to know how i feel but not offend him or make him feel pressured. I thought about many in the next few months writing him a letter, but I dont know. Anyone else have any good ideas on how to bring i up seriously. he has such a hard time talking about it one on one in a serious matter. he always just wants to walk away or change the subject. So, I feel like I can never truly have a heart to heart talk with him about it.

Thanks for listening

[HulaJenn]

i can totally relate. I never thought I was gonna talk DH into having baby#3 and would get the same comments everytime I brought it up. Then I finally broke down crying which seemed to make the point hit home a little more. I think a letter is also a great idea - then you are able to think about what you truly want to say and draw the picture.
For guys, i think they feel the financial and other burdens associated with a new baby and while you know most will love that child and realize what a blessing they are if it happened, that isn't foremost on their minds. So i laid out pretty much a "business plan" on how things would work in the house if we had another baby. From where we would put him/her, to how my work schedule would work, who would watch the kids if need be, and what kind if sacrafice I was willing to make to make it less of a financial burden (like sticking more to my grocery budget? Getting second hand baby clothes?). I think addressing his concerns about adding another child will hopefully help.
I have my planned 3rd baby so something must have worked!
Good Luck!

[trekkingirl]

mommyin2008 I swear I could have wrote both your posts word for word. Not exagerating. Even the comments your DH said about the topic. Word for word! I was in the identical situation you are in now, back in January. Except that I have two kids and trying for a third. Here is how my DH changed his mind-

ever since the new flat tvs have been the fad my DH would go into the electronics department and long for one. I swiftly shot him down every time. Then we were getting our taxes done and the tax lady, without any prompting, told us we could maximize our earned income credit by adding another dependant.

On the way home that day I jokingly said, If we had a huge tax return we could get that new fancy tv you've been wanting. He turned what I said into, you get the baby and I get the tv.

I not so jokingly replied, it's a deal!

I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined the solution to my monumental problem could be so simple and petty.

Men truly are a different breed!

[M.Q.]

I hadn't thought about the tax relief.

As a family of 2 we don't have any dependents we can claim. Maybe I'll get an accountant to run the numbers and see if our refund will grow when there's a third member of our family. I bet that would be an argument DH could get on board with.

He is obsessing over all of the things we want to do that cost money. Our downstairs wood floors were never sealed and need to be finished (this in a 100 year old house; 100 years and nobody has bothered to varnish the floorboards), we want to knock out a dormer and add a walk in closet and second bathroom upstairs, we want to finish space in the basement, we need to rehabilitate the downstairs bathroom from bad decisions of previous homeowners, we need new bedroom furniture and will need baby furniture. But only TWO of those things (floors, baby cradle) MUST be accomplished before adding to our family. All he sees are dollar signs and it makes me crazy.

And therefore he is a world champion withdraw-er; he thinks the red light on the lady comp is an edict from god himself. BUT at least I'm not stuck abstaining for most of the month like I was before the lady comp/the chart; he IS that paranoid.

UGH; I am definitely going to check out the tax deduction angle.

[BathrobeGoddess]

moved to family planning...

[kcroto42]

Originally Posted by M.Q.

But only TWO of those things (floors, baby cradle) MUST be accomplished before adding to our family.

If you cosleep, you don't even have to worry about the cradle.

[pinkgeek]

Originally Posted by HulaJenn

So i laid out pretty much a "business plan" on how things would work in the house if we had another baby. From where we would put him/her, to how my work schedule would work, who would watch the kids if need be, and what kind if sacrafice I was willing to make to make it less of a financial burden (like sticking more to my grocery budget? Getting second hand baby clothes?). I think addressing his concerns about adding another child will hopefully help.

This is an AWESOME idea! I am working on convincing my DH that we should start TTC our first, and this may be just the method for me to use. Thanks for the great idea

[sunshinejanie]

Originally Posted by trekkingirl

mommyin2008 I swear I could have wrote both your posts word for word. Not exagerating. Even the comments your DH said about the topic. Word for word! I was in the identical situation you are in now, back in January. Except that I have two kids and trying for a third. Here is how my DH changed his mind-

ever since the new flat tvs have been the fad my DH would go into the electronics department and long for one. I swiftly shot him down every time. Then we were getting our taxes done and the tax lady, without any prompting, told us we could maximize our earned income credit by adding another dependant.

On the way home that day I jokingly said, If we had a huge tax return we could get that new fancy tv you've been wanting. He turned what I said into, you get the baby and I get the tv.

I not so jokingly replied, it's a deal!

I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined the solution to my monumental problem could be so simple and petty.

Men truly are a different breed!

My dh liked the tax exemption idea as well............now expecting #4!!!! Men are simple beings!!

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by sunshinejanie

My dh liked the tax exemption idea as well............now expecting #4!!!! Men are simple beings!!

I think though with the way they just redid it, it caps at 3 kids, right?

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

I think though with the way they just redid it, it caps at 3 kids, right?

don't tell her hubby that

[sunshinejanie]

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

I think though with the way they just redid it, it caps at 3 kids, right?

I don't know about that!

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

don't tell her hubby that

Yes....shhhhhh I want one more after this!

[HulaJenn]

LOL @ the Dhs being easily persuaded by material things and tax write offs!
Actually, mine is trying to convince me to buy a Quad and I said I'd trade him, a Quad for a quad (ie/ 4th child! LOL). He's considering it!