DH told DS the doctors cut the baby out of me...

[Boot]

Which is true. I had a c section. I would have preferred him to have not used that terminology but I didn't say anything to him (DH) about it. He was in full charge of DS when I was in hospital and we didn't discuss it beforehand so I let it go. The thing is, over 2 months later he (DS) still brings it up and I just heard him and his little friend talking about their babies being cut out of them. I don't want him to think that is normal birth but I thought he would forget it and I could tell him about normal birth and c sections when he's a little older (he just turned 3). Now I wonder if I should say something or show him a book or something. What do you think?

[RedOakMomma]

I have a ds who just turned 4, and I noticed that at age 2.5-now he gets really fixated on things that are slightly troubling to him (hunting, for example, or deaths). I would talk things through with him, and let him know that there are two ways to give birth to a baby. Give him the actual terms "vaginal birth and c-section birth." Everything I've read about dealing with difficult, scary subjects says that giving real terms, real facts, is what helps the fears/obsession/worry go away.

You could also talk with him about how his dad said it was cutting, but really that's just a part of the surgery. "They also make sure to stitch mommy up, and see? (you could show the scar) Everything is healed and just fine!" Then bring of examples of people he knows, and talk about the kinds of births they have "Aunt Marilyn had a baby, too, but with her baby she had it without surgery...she had the baby through a vaginal birth." Talking about births of people/babies he knows might help him understand that babies are born both ways, and that c-section births only happen some of the time. You could also show him with a doctor's kit (and a person, or a doll) how both births happen.

I would definitely talk about it now. It's very likely that he's worried about you, or has some strange idea of what happened. Get ready for lots of questions, and lots of repeat questions (!) as you explain it. I've noticed for ds3 that it takes a few weeks of randomly-timed conversations (usually started by him, after that first big conversation) for him to put a subject to rest in his mind.

[Norasmomma]

I would explain to him that some babies are born via c/s and that most are born vaginally. My DD was 3 when I had a scheduled c/s due to medical complications from her birth and we explained what would happen when I had surgery. I showed her my c/s scar from her birth but made it clear to her(well as clear as you can make it to a 3 y/o) that our baby would come out of the same area, but that most babies are born via mama's vagina. We had to tell her the whole logistics because she is very active and we didn't want her jumping on me and hurting my incision.

[kltroy]

Kids this age have pretty wild imaginations, and chances are he's got a picture in his head that is not at all what you think. For example, today I told my son (almost 4) that my parents were going to drive out to visit us and that they were going to bring my old bunk beds on top of the car. He thought this was hysterical, and I can see why. So yes, I would set him straight on this right away the next time it comes up.

...anyway, I explained to my son that most of the time babies come out of a mom's vagina, which is a special hole near her bottom. But that sometimes if there's a problem, the doctor can cut your tummy and take the baby out that way instead, and then they put a big band-aid on it to help it all get better. (my son was a c-section for breech, my daughter a VBAC).

Probably a helpful thing during the discussion would be to show your child some baby pictures from his own birth and explain it all.

[philomom]

Stick with the truth.. it's not like there's a zipper there to let the baby out. I agree "cut out" sounds scary but it is accurate. Maybe you could practice" the doctors helped mommy get the baby out" instead. Or they made a special door/opening for the baby.

[Boot]

OP again. I had a little chat to him today. We were talking about twins (3 sets live in our complex!) and I was explaining that they were in their mummy's tummies together so I took the opportunity to say that most babies come out of a special hole in their mummy's bottom called a vagina but sometimes babies get stuck and the doctor make a hole in the mummy's tummy and takes the baby out that way and that was what happened with him and his sister. We'll see if it's sunk in next time him and his friend play having babies!

By the way, I don't mind him knowing the truth about c-sections. I just don't want him to think that all babies are born that way. I have to admit I don't like the terminology 'cut' even though it is the truth. It sounds so violent and I don't want him to have that impression of his, or his sister's birth.