Nervous For The Future.

[NaturallyKait]

Ok, all of this sounds very silly since I'm not pregnant, nor am I planning a pregnancy anytime soon but I keep having dreams that I am pregnant and it worries me. Not because I'm not ready for kids or even because my relationship isn't ready for it, but because of the birth situation in my area.

I live in Nova Scotia, where midwives have recently been hired by the government. It's a great thing in a lot of ways, but for some people it has made situations worse. All of the private midwives in NS were hired as I understand, leaving us with no private ones, and the public midwives are only in three areas. I don't fall into those areas, and they are not allowed to travel. This has me so nervous that if I were to fall pregnant I would end up with a horrible birth with the only OBGYN in my small town. I have dealt with him before for GYN issues and he is not easy to deal with, he is very controlling and there is no way I could have a peaceful birth with him, and the hospital is also not a very good hospital for labour. They are very heavy on interventions and have a high c-sec rate (not sure of the exact rate, but I know a few nurses there who have told me they see more c-secs than vaginal births), plus they only have an anesthesiologist there part time so usually when they determine mom needs an "emergency c-sec" it ends up being either a transfer to another hospital, or they get him to come in and put mom completely under for the surgery . All of this has left me thinking about UC.

I have always thought that UC was a beautiful thing, but was never sure it was for me. I've known for a few years now that I'd really like a homebirth, but usually see this as being with a midwife. I feel like having no children, I would be very nervous birthing by myself, and while my dbf is an amazing partner, childbirth scares him. Just today he came in and saw me watching a homebirth on TLC and was very obviously uncomfortable seeing birth, and has talked about it being "gross" in the past, so I wouldn't want to count on him being super supportive in labour, even though I know he would try so very hard to be

Has anyone else been in this type of situation before? Pregnant (or considering getting pregnant) in an area with no midwives and a very non-baby friendly hospital, but nervous about UC? How did you overcome your nerves/fears? Once again, I'm not pregnant now or planning it, just trying to figure out what I would do in an "oops" type of situation.

[zoebird]

i think that the first step is determining whether you want a UC, or whether you feel forced into it based on circumstances.

if you truly want a UC, it's easier to overcome the fears because you inherently want to UC. if you feel forced to UC based on circumstance, then you really have to work through the fact that you can't get what you truly want---and the anger and frustration of that---while also trying to emotionally accept and prepare for a UC.

it's a much harder road, imo.

i think, though, that the first step is to get all of the facts. talk to the midwives and find out what the circumstances really are. i see a lot of assumptions and a lot of suppositions about what may be in the next few months/years. it may be that the situation is not as extreme and that you may be able to homebirth with a midwife. then, that whole area--and even the very question of UC--is not really a concern.

if you learn that it is what has to be done--or that it is better than your options--then the next step is to really accept UC for yourself and then work on your fears surrounding it. these are different for different people--and you havent' really spoken to those fears here, so i cannot provide resources.

but a good place to start is to read UC birth stories and the stickies above so that you can have a foundation on which to begin the deeper questioning work and chase down the information that you want and need.

[NaturallyKait]

Originally Posted by zoebird

i think that the first step is determining whether you want a UC, or whether you feel forced into it based on circumstances.

if you truly want a UC, it's easier to overcome the fears because you inherently want to UC. if you feel forced to UC based on circumstance, then you really have to work through the fact that you can't get what you truly want---and the anger and frustration of that---while also trying to emotionally accept and prepare for a UC.

it's a much harder road, imo.

i think, though, that the first step is to get all of the facts. talk to the midwives and find out what the circumstances really are. i see a lot of assumptions and a lot of suppositions about what may be in the next few months/years. it may be that the situation is not as extreme and that you may be able to homebirth with a midwife. then, that whole area--and even the very question of UC--is not really a concern.

if you learn that it is what has to be done--or that it is better than your options--then the next step is to really accept UC for yourself and then work on your fears surrounding it. these are different for different people--and you havent' really spoken to those fears here, so i cannot provide resources.

but a good place to start is to read UC birth stories and the stickies above so that you can have a foundation on which to begin the deeper questioning work and chase down the information that you want and need.

It definitely is the situation here, I know mothers even in the areas supported by midwives are having trouble getting them because they're so in demand, and talking to head guy at the hospital here (I used to volunteer there, we know each other a bit) he says there are no plans to implement midwives here yet at all. It would be awesome if situations turned around, it would be an answer to a million prayers!

I really would love a UC. I first heard of it here on MDC when I joined in 2006 and have been reading birthstories ever since. Trusting my body, going with the flow, it all sounds so amazing, I'm really just a worrier. I worry about a lot of things I have no reason to

Honestly, I think I'm afraid of what would happen if something went wrong, how I could handle it and how I would be treated if I needed to transfer. The hospital would probably treat me like an idiot and assume that I was uneducated and endagering my life, and I don't know that I could stand up for myself, I'm a rather timid person. Convincing dbf would be very hard as well. How have people helped their dp's overcome their nerves? I think if he was confident and supportive, I would be a lot calmer. The thought of having to birth and deal with a nervous dbf who wasn't sure I was doing the right thing is scary.

[zoebird]

i find that when we simply face our fears and learn about them, then they dissipate.

so, you point out--what if something went wrong? the first step here is to learn about what somethings concern you. once you study those somethings, you learn about what can be handled at home and how, and what cannot be handled at home and what the common practices are surrounding those things.

this, then, leads to that next question--how would i handle it? so, you learn from looking into whatever it is that you're worried about and you learn how to handle it.

in the case of many things, you learn to handle it at home, no worries. in the case of other things, you discover that transferring is best, and so you learn about what the procedures are. this might also require some leg work--asking the hospital what it's common procedures are for these things. it probably wouldn't hurt to talk with your connection about these things, and find out if alternatives that you prefer are available.

this leads to--how I would be treated if I needed to transfer. you state two things here: fear of 1. being treated poorly; and 2. being unable to stand up for yourself.

for the first one, you already have a chance of not being treated poorly--people there know you. you mention knowing nurses and the head doctor. because they know you, they are unlikely to treat you terribly--they already see you as a human being. and, you never know--sometimes hospitals just have great staff anyway.

to the second, this is something that you can work on. the same with just being worrisome. truth is, you can grow and change and become strong and confident. it takes effort and work, but it can be done. counseling helps a lot. it will just help unlock the patterns and transform your processes.

so, over time, with information and effort, you'll discover that you are capable and fears will be abated.

now, as for the partner stuff, they go through the same process. he has to work through his fears and concerns. and yes, it is easier to do with support, but it is possible to do without it as well.

[NaturallyKait]

Unfortunately, my connections aren't really good ones. The doctors believe that midwifery is some sort of witchcraft and always tell me that if I had a homebirth I had better be ready to lose my baby because he/she would probably die from lack of monitering/pit. A friend of mind had a baby at the hospital not that long ago and they were constantly bothering her to get an epidural because the anesthesiologist would only be there for so long and once he left it would be too late. She wasn't allowed to push in an position but on her back, baby was taken right away and the OB was very rude during the whole thing. The one thing I will give them is I'm told they are very supportive of breastfeeding.

I realize I sound kind of silly with lots of this, I shouldn't even be worried about this while I'm not pregnant, I'm just worried that these dreams of me being pregnant are for a reason, I've been known to have repeated dreams of something before it happens. I guess I just really like to be prepared for all scenarios. If I don't get pregnant, great, if I move to an area covered, even better! But if something happens and I'm in this situation I will be much more calm and comfortable if I was already mentally prepared, kwim?

[zoebird]

i spent 5 years before getting pregnant preparing for pregnancy, birth, and really, parenthood.

so there's nothing silly about learning about these things early. i think it's a good thing to do.

[gillibean]

My first two were midwife-assisted home waterbirths. For my third, we had moved to an area where there are no midwives. I received prenatal care from the hospital-based clinic (the only one in our community) but decided to UC. My main motivation to UC was to be able to have another waterbirth. I believe that my care at the hospital would have been fine (small hospital, I know a decent number of staff) but without the birthing tub, they couldn't offer what I knew would make me most comfortable. This time around I'll also be UC'ing for pretty much the same reasons.

Fortunately DH was/is totally on board. It probably helped that my previous births were free of complications but I think he would have been supportive either way. What helped us both be comfortable was to do a lot of research. I know a lot of women prefer to simply trust their inutition but I would be uncomfortable doing that. For me, the more information I had, the more I could relax. I found the book "Heart and Hands" to be particularly helpful. We also bought a doppler so we could check the baby's heart rate during labour. I made posters to put up as a reminder of what was 'normal', what was a cause for concern and what was an emergency that needed the ambulance called. Most complications that will arise don't come completely out of the blue, there are warning signs. Having done the research and preparation, I felt confident that we would know if a transfer was needed before there was a true emergency.

The birth was wonderful, it was so nice being at home. I missed the emotional support that I had received from my midwives in my other births but I doubt I would have gotten that support at the hospital anyway. I'm really looking forward to this upcoming birth.