Age 5 and NOW he wants to cosleep?

[2boyzmama]

Our 5 year old was not a cosleeper as an infant. I realize now that it was probably poorly controlled reflux (stupid me listened to the ped who said that as long as he was gaining weight, it didn't matter how much he refluxed, even if he was awake a dozen times a night because of it). He slept in his carseat (which for some reason was just the right position for him, even though I've read that it's a bad position for many reflux babies). I spent many a night half-asleep in the glider holding him.

But now that he's 5, he's suddenly showing up in my room every night. He wants to sleep with me, and the few times that I've said no, he just dissolves into tears. I have been letting him sleep with me for a while, and the next time I wake up to feed the baby, I have my husband take him back to his room. This was working well enough.

But now, when my husband takes him back to his room, he doesn't want to get back in his own bed. He's been crawling into bed with his 3 year old brother instead. Which is fine...but why is he doing this? It's like suddenly he doesn't want to sleep alone, so he's either in bed with us, or in bed with his brother.

His teacher tells me that he's been emotional at school, he's a perfectionist anyway, and if he makes a mistake, he's close to crying.

I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what has changed recently that might be causing this. It started 2-3 months ago. I can't put my finger on anything, really, so maybe it's just a developmental stage? Perhaps some sort of new fear? Dreams?

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how did you handle it? Do I just allow him to climb into bed with us, and move him back again at some point like I'm doing now? I don't want him staying in our bed because first of all the baby is in our room and up several times a night, and also I get up rather early to go to work and I don't want to disturb Ian.

[ssh]

I would just let him co-sleep. He's probably having some stress and needs more physical contact.

[LynnS6]

I think when kids go through developmental leaps, they need more care, and part of that is more nighttime parenting.

Our ds never coslept - partly because of my fears and partly because of sensory issues on his part - he likes his space. When he was 5, we moved him into his sister's room while we painted his bedroom, and then he wouldn't hear of moving apart. When he was 7, he began waking repeatedly at night and wouldn't go back to sleep unless we were there. We finally compromised on having him come in and slept on the floor next to our bed. (It took me several months to realize this wasn't resolving and that the person with the young bones should sleep on the floor, not his exhausted parents.) He came in nightly for about 8-10 months.

He's nearly 9 and still comes in about once a month. Now his sister is starting the same trend: She wakes up, gets scared and wants to be with us. Some mornings we wake to one child on the side of the bed and one at the end of the bed and no room to walk without stepping on a child. Good thing we've only got 2!

At age 5, imagination can be pretty scary, dreams can be scary and when you're learning new things, I think your mind is working overtime. That can lead to nightmares. Our kids are pretty imaginative and very sensitive. It's a bad combo at times.

So, this is a very long winded way of saying: I think it's normal. Let him come in. If he doesn't fit in your bed, have him sleep next to your bed.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

TBO, before I had children and joined this wonderful group of mamas and learned about the history of co-sleeping, I still would have thought this was TOTALLY normal for a five year old. I did it when I was that age, as did my sister. And we werent co sleepers from birth. I expect it from my sons eventually, even the one who is such a good sleeper.

I say let him co sleep. If hes slipping into bed with his little brother, he is yearning for that warm body.

[tenecwalker]

Ryan did this for a time at 4. It started a little before Henry was born and continued for a few months afterward. At first I let him climb in bed with us, because I liked the snuggle time. Then as it got closer to Henry's birth and I realized he wasn't deciding to go back to his room any time soon I started letting him come in our room, but he had to sleep on his little couch on the floor (one of those kids couches that flips out to a bed). I was uncomfortable with him being in the bed with a newborn because he is all over the place when sleeping. I also didn't want to disturb his sleep since I knew we would be up a lot at night. He did that for awhile and eventually stopped showing up in the middle of the night. If he is happy sleeping with Connor and Connor doesn't mind I would probably try to get him to do that, just so I could get some extra sleep. The siblings sleeping together was my original plan once they were old enough.

[lyterae]

I think it's age.. My dd didn't co-sleep (she wanted her own space) and now at age 4 she is suddenly "scared" to sleep alone and wants in my bed. She's a bed hog so it doesn't always work out well but we're trying to accomdate her needs.

ETA: She has a flip out couch that we bring in our room if she needs a place to sleep in there without being in the bed. I think it's more that we aren't all used to sharing a bed.

[kcstar]

Did anything change recently at school? Or some other recent changes in his life?

Or it could be he's having nightmares or something. I have memories of going to my parents bed occasionally, usually because I woke up afraid of something.

[greenbeanmama]

How old is the baby? My son is also a sensitive, perfectionistic little boy, and he did very well adjusting to his little sister in the beginning, but we noticed more neediness starting about five or six months after the baby was born. It's not that he doesn't like his sister, I just think that the diminished attention is starting to catch up with him, which has lead to more vocalizing his needs, more melting down, etc. I've found that what helps the most is one-on-one time. So, whenever the baby is asleep, we sit in the rocking chair and read books. Or cook together. Or do anything that it's hard to do with a baby strapped to me all the time.

I don't know how having another sibling would factor in. I'd say the best thing is just to go with your gut, and make sure he feels as loved and supported as possible. And remember, this time is so short and he'll grow so fast. Enjoy the snuggles while he wants them!

[KimPM]

If it's not a problem for either of them, I'd have him sleeping with Connor. They both get to cosleep, and then no issues with you waking early for work or nightwaking with the baby.

I'm not sure what's going on, but it sounds like he needs some emotional reassurance during the day, too.

[2boyzmama]

Thanks everyone!

So at bedtime last night (2 hours later than usual and after a really busy/active evening) I asked him if he wanted to sleep in his own bed, or with Connor. He said with Connor. I told him that when he wakes up at night, if there's nothing wrong, then he should snuggle up to Connor and not come into mommy's room. He asked why, I said because I had to take care of Gavin and I had to get up early for work. He seemed to accept that, and he didn't come to my room at all last night! Connor woke up twice, and my husband took Connor back to bed every time, and Ian and Connor just snuggled up together.

The baby is almost 7 months old, so maybe this is just a delayed adjustment period. He used to be so proud of the fact that *he* got to sleep on the top bunk, but Connor didn't. Now he just wants/needs to be with someone at night, and evidently he's willing to give up his top bunk status!

[ihathi]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

So at bedtime last night (2 hours later than usual and after a really busy/active evening) I asked him if he wanted to sleep in his own bed, or with Connor. He said with Connor. I told him that when he wakes up at night, if there's nothing wrong, then he should snuggle up to Connor and not come into mommy's room. He asked why, I said because I had to take care of Gavin and I had to get up early for work. He seemed to accept that, and he didn't come to my room at all last night! Connor woke up twice, and my husband took Connor back to bed every time, and Ian and Connor just snuggled up together.

How sweet! That sounds like a perfect solution for everyone...

My 5 y/o was sleeping in his own bed by the time I was pregnant a second time, but went right back to co-sleeping after his baby brother was born. Now, we're at a stage where the 2 y/o sleeps alone in a separate bedroom while DS1 is still in bed w/ us.

I am quite convinced that DS1 will only move out of our bed if there's a period when he can co-sleep with DS2 Your story gives me hope. Thank you!

[To-Fu]

I'm so glad you found a solution that works for the whole family. Keep us updated!