how often do you see out-of-state grandparents? - Page 2

[34me]

My kiddos are older. Before they were in school we would see my parents two or three times a year. My ILs didn't meet my boys until they were 2 and 5 and saw dd for the second time when she was 7. My dad has had some health issues lately and now we only see them when we go there once a year. The kids see the ILs almost every year when they travel on their own. I haven't been there in 4 years.

[sweetcheeks]

My ILs are two hours away in the city and we generally see them at least once/month, sometimes upwards of 2-3 times/month. We usually end up going in monthly and if there's any extra visits, it's them coming out here as they have no small children to travel with.

My mom is a 5.5hrs car drive away and we see her about 3 times/year. It's usually us going down to visit her as she's low income and she can't afford to take the time off from her jobs (due to the length of the drive and that it involves an international border crossing, she likes to come up for 5-7 days). Last time she visited us was when DS2 was born 2 years ago. I know she would like to see the kids more often but, as selfish as this sounds, I can't handle being around my mom that much. She's changed a lot since my dad passed away (I strongly believe she's suffering from depression) and she's very emotionally draining for me to be around due to her bitterness and all around negativity.

[ScarlettFever]

This is a thread that is close to my heart. I struggle with finding an appropriate balance that allows DD (1 year) to know and grow close to her grandparents and keeps DH and my life sane.

IL live about a 3.5 hour drive away, more with traffic.

My FOO live a 3 hour flight away. It would be a 2-day drive.

Before DD was born, I saw my parents maybe 2-3 times a year. Since her birth, they've visited us 3 times plus my mother has come out an additional 3 times to help out. We've been to their home twice, once for Thanksgiving and once for a wedding. In the future I'd like to celebrate holidays in our home but make a point to visit them for a week in a non-holiday capacity.

The ILs, well, we see them at least every 6 weeks. It would be every weekend if my MIL had her way. They are good people and very loving but she is a typical Italian MIL and can be very overbearing and her expectations of family time are ridiculous, IMO. We made our first visit to their home when DD was 8 weeks old. We've been back 5 times since then. We outnumber their visits 2:1.

Now that DD is walking, she does not handle being strapped into a carseat very well. The saving grace on recent flights home was that we took off right at nap time. We've seen  both sets of grandparents the last two weekends in a row (DD's birthday at our home then my brother's wedding in the midwest) and just yesterday MIL sent me an email asking us to plan a vacation around a visit to their home. We just got back in town!

I feel torn as I want DD to be close to her cousins, aunts, and uncles. But the constant travel is a killer. DH and I work full time. Both sets of grandparents are retired and would be welcome to visit us anytime. I think my parents are pretty good with their expectations but it seems like MIL still expects our social calendar to revolve around her living room.

Any advice?