Why am I like this? - Page 3

[windsorheightsmom]

In the most recent situation I think you are being too sensitive. Maybe she didn't bring the gear she likes to take camping when she came on this trip, so she wasn't eager to jump on the camping idea. But clearly she wants to see you, and not just for a token cup of coffee, because she suggested coming over and staying with you overnight. She probably realizes it's a trek for you to drive down to where she's staying most of the time she's visiting.

I get that you wanted to go camping, and you feel snubbed, but I would personally not take it that way. She wants to see you and is happy to accommodate you so you don't have to drive across town. You said weekdays work, so she probably scheduled weekend plans with people who wouldn't be able to spend time with her during the week.

I would try to figure out a weekday this week for her to come stay over and not dwell on her allegedly "blowing you off," because she probably didn't mean it that way.

Speaking generally, I've had friendships where I was the one making most of the effort to spend time together, or I seemed to do more of the "heavy lifting" on supporting each other, but I don't think it pays to keep score on this stuff.

[bcblondie]

Well I'm sure the camping gear wasn't the issue because she acted interested in camping when I mentioned it... And now it just seems like something better came along so she made plans with them...

But yea. I do know she wants to see me. She msged me on facebook even before she came, taht she wanted to see me, and txted me when she arrived. And she is trying to make other plans with me. Which is great. But I still feel a little second rate.

[windsorheightsmom]

Why are you assuming that she ditched you because "something better came along?" Maybe she was in touch with other people who could only meet up with her on the weekends, so naturally, she scheduled time with them on the weekend because you had already told her you were available during the week.

If I were visiting a bunch of friends in another city, I would try to arrange my schedule to fit everyone in. I wouldn't be thinking, hmmm, I'll make plans with the best people on the weekend and the second-rate people during the week.

I really think cognitive behavioral therapy could help you. I see no reason to jump to the conclusion that she dumped you for something better. If you're unhappy about it, though, maybe when you do see her you could ask why she didn't want to go camping, or you could mention to her that next time she's in town you should plan ahead for a camping trip.

[bcblondie]

I feel ditched because I suggested both this weekend or next weekend.. whichever works, and she made other plans for both.

[windsorheightsmom]

But you didn't just suggest this weekend or next weekend, you also told her you are home most days. I think it is not weird for her to assume she could see you during the week.

It seems to me you are focusing on the negative here (she made other plans when you wanted to go camping) and not on the positive (she really wants to see you and is willing to come to where you are to save you a trip across town). Maybe you should just ask her point blank why she didn't want to go camping. She may have other reasons you couldn't guess at.

My brother recently had an experience like yours. One of his oldest childhood friends came to his city (where he has relatives) but only left around an hour free to have coffee with my brother, because he was tied up with his family all weekend. At the end of their coffee, the guy suggested that maybe their families could plan a weekend trip together at some point to a different city. When my brother told me about this on the phone, he spun it in a very negative way, "Is he kidding? Why would I make plans to spend a whole weekend with him and his wife when he just blew me off?" They have been friends for more than 40 years, and now my brother is carrying around anger and resentment toward this guy.

I would have looked at it differently--I feel my brother's friend was kind of embarrassed that he hadn't left more time and was trying to communicate that he would like to spend more time with my brother on a separate trip, when there wouldn't be so many competing demands on the friend's time.

[bcblondie]

Ok So I didn't go to church this afternoon becuase DS was napping. And when DH came home from church he was with my friend. She was all totally happy to see me and whatnot and we hugged and everything was fine. And the topic of plans for the rest of her trip came up and I asked why next week didnt work and she said "well 'so and so' doesn't only work friday night she also works sat so it just wouldn't work so I made other plans"
So anyways. I'm not gonna hold it against her or dwell on it. It probably would have been too cold overnight for DS yet. He's only 1.5.
My friend is gonna come sleep over friday night and we're gonna have a couple drinks. It'll be fun.

[windsorheightsmom]

Good, I'm glad everything worked out and you will be able to spend time together.

I have to admit that taking a toddler camping would be my worst nightmare anyway!

[bcblondie]

Yea I'm a little worried about him always wanting to wander off. And about him touching the fire pit. Although we probably wouldn't start a fire til he's just about ready for bed. ... And about him eating things he shouldn't. But I don't wanna not go just for fear of those things. You'll never know if you never try.

[bcblondie]

Ok so here's another paranoia of mine.

I'm in a buddy group on a different forum, and ever since this huge fight that DH and I had about 3 months ago (which we resolved and our marriage is probably better for it), some of the girls have stopped commenting on my pee sticks or anything TTC related. A specific 3 girls comes to mind. The rest will comment and say "woo hoo, get to BD'ing" and you know, the usual excitement. But some of the girls havent commented in months. Almost like they don't "approve" of my TTC anymore.
Like, how hard is it to say "nice test" or "definate pos" etc...?
They still talk to me about other things but conveniently miss my pics and TTC talk...

I dunno. I guess you guys can't tell if I'm paranoid without seeing the thread. And I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to link anyone. Maybe in PM's? I dunno. I need help.