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Robbed! Baby name thievery. What to do?

post #1 of 56
Thread Starter 
A little back story: My Dad's younger brother and his second wife just had their second baby (my uncle's fifth, overall). While I've never been particularly close to them, especially the new wife, we're not strangers - several thanksgiving, etc. were spent with them when I was a teenager, and his oldest child and I used to be very close friends when we were younger as well.

The new baby is a boy and when we got the call DH and I found out that they had chosen our planned name.

We're trying to be okay with this, but in my hormone-addled condition I can't help but be rather put out as when I was visiting last August while pregnant with DD (one-year this month) the new wife asked me what names we were considering and I said that we didn't really have a girl's name decided but we knew what the name would be if it was a boy. I resisted telling, but my Gram asked and I adore her so I let it slip.

So I guess what I'm asking is two things: 1) Can/do we still use the name even though they'll be so close in age? and 2) Can I beat her up for stealing my baby name when they knew that the new baby is going to be a boy and this is the name we knew we were going to use for our next son? Or would sugar in her gas tank suffice?
post #2 of 56
post #3 of 56
I would use the name.

You don't say what it is, but are there nicknames that work with it? You could possibly end up using a different nickname.

Also, how close do they live to you geographically? If you see them twice a year it's no big deal. And frankly, I don't think it's a big deal even if you see them every week. Unless the name is SUPER, SUPER rare like Jetplane or Stream or something like that.
post #4 of 56
So that would make the kids second cousins, or something like that? That doesn't seem too close to have the same name, although my mom and her half-sister have the same name so I might not have the right perspective on this.
post #5 of 56
I say go for it. Unless you see them all the time its really not an issue.
post #6 of 56
I say if it's the name you love use it. DH is one of 4 Bill's in his family. His dad, his uncle who's only 8years older, and his uncles son. We see them ALL THE TIME and while it can be confusing... it's workable. I have a cousin who is 6 weeks older that we share names (2nd cousin actually). Our moms had no idea until a month after I was born that they'd used the same names. It's only been an issue a few times in my life because I RARELY see them. We're considering a name that we'd chosen years ago even tho DH's cousin named her 2 1/2 year old the same name. We've seen them approx 5 times so far. It averages to twice a year. Family 4th of July BBQ and her moms July picnic...not really enough to cause an issue I think.
post #7 of 56
sure you can still use the name. nobody owns a name!

true story;
my SIL got mad at us when we gave our DD HER child's middle name- (RAYNE though her DD's middle name is RAIN) even though it was both my DH and SIL grandma's name. It caused so much tension and she was so mad that she stopped speaking to my DH. He unexpectedly died 2 weeks later and not on speaking terms with his sister he had been close with all their life.

lots of kids have the same name. use the name you picked. it's not worth getting upset over.
post #8 of 56
In 2008 I was visiting with my in laws. We were talking about if I thought we would ever have more babies. I told them I felt like one more was in my future and I wanted to name him __________.

Three months later, they got a puppy. Guess what they named him. Yup. The name I always envisioned my fourth child (should he have been a he) having.

I was devastated.

In August of last year, I had that fourth child, a baby boy. I just couldnt name him after a puppy. Everyone told me I was crazy and that I could still use the name. It didnt feel right to me. So we chose another name and after some time I am over it. This name fits him. I cant picture him with any other name.



In your case, I would say go for it though. Or pick out another much loved name to use as his first name and use the stolen name as the middle name.
post #9 of 56
I'd use the name. I have at least 6 friends named "Matt" who are all around the same age. Some of them are friends with each other. No one cares that they have the same name.
post #10 of 56
I say use it!

It makes perfect sense to be upset about it, but I wouldn't go so far as to changing your baby's name over it.

In my family, we have a male and female "Alex", two "Sean"s, lots of Sr./Jr.s, other namesakes... It's never been an issue. Heck, my mom's last name is my first name. My stepfather's name sounds almost exactly like my bio-father's name... which also sounds like my mother's first name!

It might feel strange at first, but it'll be perfectly normal after a while. Really!
post #11 of 56
That stinks, and I would be really annoyed.

Assuming it's not against your cultural/personal beliefs to have multiple people with the same name in a family, go for it. If you love a name, use it. If your uncle and aunt ask why you used the same name, say that this was the name you planned all along.
post #12 of 56
USE THE NAME.

I was in that situation a couple of years ago. My stepbrother's girlfriend named her daughter what we'd been planning on naming OUR daughter (who was set to arrive in a few months) for five years. Five years! We'd been calling her that and everything.

I went into a flurry of work trying to find a new perfect name, and boy was I pissed that I "had" to do it. We found something similar we really liked, and went with that.

Fast forward two years (or even six months) and we shouldn't have bothered. These two girls NEVER see each other. We hardly see her. We're not close, and having the same name would have been no big deal at all.

Use the name. You'll never regret it.
post #13 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckysgirl View Post
So I guess what I'm asking is two things: 1) Can/do we still use the name even though they'll be so close in age? and 2) Can I beat her up for stealing my baby name when they knew that the new baby is going to be a boy and this is the name we knew we were going to use for our next son? Or would sugar in her gas tank suffice?
1) Yes. You're not that close. They knew you were using the name. Use it.
2) No, but feel free to fantasize about it, hahaha
post #14 of 56
Oh, definitely use it, hon!

Especially since the children will have different last names, yes? Even if you lived next door to one another, it would be fine to have two distant cousins named Andrew Jones and Andrew Smith.

Be thankful that it wasn't your parents who just named their puppy your chosen name! Yikes.
post #15 of 56
Use it. If she gives you crap for it, be straight up and say "I told you last summer that was the name we were going to use for our son."

I had some accquaintance go absolutely batshit on me after I told her dd3's name. Apparently she had had an early m/c 8 years before. She never named the baby but apparently if she had had it and it had been a girl she would have named it Lorelai and called her Rory (we named dd3 Rory). So she accused me of intentionally stealing her dead baby's name and blah blah blah, even though I only knew she had had a m/c in passing and certainly never knew what she would have named it. She actually inevented this bizarre sceanario where I knew all this and actually hated the name Rory, but waited through my first two girls to use it for my third for no other reason but to hurt her feelings
post #16 of 56
Absolutely use the name.

If they knew about your chosen name, they must not mind either!
post #17 of 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by MabMama View Post
In 2008 I was visiting with my in laws. We were talking about if I thought we would ever have more babies. I told them I felt like one more was in my future and I wanted to name him __________.

Three months later, they got a puppy. Guess what they named him. Yup. The name I always envisioned my fourth child (should he have been a he) having.
That sounds exactly like something my IL would do to us. not sure if yours did it out of spite, but mine would do it for that reason alone. And they wonder why I don't want them anywhere near me or my children...
post #18 of 56
I would use the name still. There happen to be a ton of michaels in my family so no one thought of not using it. Not only that but as mentioned before no one owns a name. Its also evident that they knew your chosen name and thought nothing of using it so why should you second guess yourself?
post #19 of 56
I have two brothers with the same name... four uncles with the same name (three are my dads brothers) and an aunt and an uncle who are both andi/andy

even being super close doesnt matter. You can name your child whatever YOU want.
post #20 of 56
The worst is when people take your name even when you didn't say it out loud! That happened with us. We thought the name Evangeline was pretty rare, old southern kind of name. Two other families then talked of using it, and one did! Since it rhymes with our last name, believe it or not, we aren't likely to use it anyway...but what are the odds two other families would be thinking about the same odd southern name. I guess we're not so original...
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