2.5 yo-sharing, meltdowns & solutions?

[ellairiesmom]

DD1 is 2.5 & just not doing well with sharing. The result being frequent meltdowns (crying & hysterics) with some pushing & grabbing & I just don't know how to handle it.

And I admit, I spent DD2's pregnancy focused on vbac research & fell very behind on toddler rearing reading. So I feel kind of lost. I know 2.5 can be a tough age & that having a new baby sister can also be tough. I guess I would like to just try & figure out what I can do to help, not make her behavior worse.

The meltdown behavior has happened without sharing issues being involved too. Sometimes she is hungry, sometimes tired. But often, in some way, she didn't get what she wanted & that is how she reacts. Pure emotion pouring out at 100 mph.

Some friends are telling me I need to stop trying to talk or reason with her when she has a meltdown & that I need to ignore & walk away. I am trying to do that at home but I do find that hard to do when out in public. Other friends are also talking about discipline charts they are doing that involve sticker rewards & taking away of favorite things for punishment. (no snack after dinner, no book before bed, favorite toy goes away for a little while etc)

What do you do? How do I parent my toddler? How do I teach sharing?

[PlayaMama]

the VERY best thing i found at that age was just to say, "you really wanted that apple didn't you?" just repeat what it is that she needs so she knows that you understand.

or something like, "you are feeling really frustrated right now."

i would not make her share or work on teaching her to share. having a baby sister means that she already has to share the most important person in the world to her. i never made my ds share and he is AWESOME at taking turns now and giving things to other kids voluntarily.

i would NOT use a chart and start taking away things she likes. she's too little for that to make sense and she needs things like story time to connect with you.

make sure she's getting a lot of one on one time with you. do special activities that are just for you and her. my ds is 5 and my dd is 2 and he LOVES "mama time" because it's a way for us to reconnect. i found that a LOT of his behavioural stuff resolved once i focused on building our connection.

the other thing you can do is just be with her. if she's really upset and talking seems to make it worse then just sit with her and let her have the emotions, DON'T walk away from her. she needs to know that you love her all the time, even when she's upset.

[sapphire_chan]

Kids with the best modeling in the world go through a "if someone else uses it, it might not be mine any more, and if its not mine, I might never be able to play with it again!!!" phase. Even without younger siblings.

Make a huge deal about it and the phase'll end in 3-6 months. Do the gentle method suggested by PlayaMama and the phase'll end in 3-6 months. Only one way, you end up ripping your hair out because you're trying SOOOO hard and it's just not working.

[ElsieLC]

"Pure emotion pouring out at 100 mph. "

That *exactly* describes my 2.5 yo DD. Today's hurricane was over a mismatched sippy cup lid color. I know it wasn't really about the sippy cup. Later we spent time snuggling. And talked about how when some kids learn to do more and more things all by themselves, they get scared or worried about how they're not little tiny babies anymore. That seemed to resonate with her.

[mamadelbosque]

My DS2 was born when DS1 was 29 months, so I know exactly where your at I've never really 'made' ds1 share, aside from when he took something from another child (in which case he has to give it back). He knows about sharing now though, and will often 'share' his stuff with me/dh/ds2/etc.

I do do the ignore though, mostly for my own sanity. If he starts freaking out and screaming about something, I tend to just walk away, and tell him as soon as he's ready to tell me whats the matter, I'll be willing to help hiim figure it out. But I'm not going to sit and try to reason with a screaming 2.5/3 yr old - its just not worth the energy, IMO.

If we're in public, its a slightly different story, but I still try to just keep moving - if its at the grocery store and he's freaking out and refuisng to stay with me, he goes in the cart, and if he wants to scream his lil head off in their, while I (as quickly as possible) finish up shopping, fine. If we're at a friends/playgroup theirs always the option to leave, which he doesn't like (and its an honest threat when I tell him he needs to chill out and calm down or we're leaving, and he knows it, cause' we *have* left before).

As for taking stuff away.... the only time stuff goes away is when he starst throwing stuff thats not meant to be thrown (ie matchbox cars, woodne balls, etc - stuff that can/does hurt when it hits people or break stuff when it hits stuff... or his bike when he repeatedly runs over our toes), and then it goes downstairs to the basement till he asks for it/we see it remember its down their (or put up on a bookshelf or wherever). Sometimes thats weeks, sometimes days... just depends. And he, once again, knows the threat of 'play with it right!/don't run over my toes!/don't throw it! or its going away' is real, cause stuff has/does dissapear on a regular basis.

Goodluck!!