Do YOU enforce non-enforced dress codes? Should !

[lerlerler]

My daughter is a 5 year old Kindergartener and hates socks! Tights, peds, knee socks... she can barely stand SHOES!!

But both at school AND ballet they require them. (the school requires tights or socks and ballet requires FOOTED tights)

When school started I began the battle... DAILY. Some days were just mild whimpering, some days were outright fights. We tried different brands EVERYTHING.

And then I lost my mind and had to take a time-out before I became a Mom who would not have been proud of her behaviour. And I said..."OK, here's your socks, your teacher will ask you to put them on, and then do whatever you want" and I tucked a pair in her backpack and figured that to please her teacher she would wear them. 3 months later? No one has said anything.

Ballet is the new battle. The school policy says one thing but the teacher says nothing whn she wears the footless tights I bought her. Last week her substitute told her to wear footed tights so DD asked me this week to call ahead and see what teacher they had... it was the old teacher so at my prompting we tried on the footed tights but she freaked out. (Yup, I've tried just chopping off the very end and freeing the toes but then the tights bunch up and she screams)

I want her to know that rules apply to everyone but I don't know,

I'm tempted to point out the infraction to her teacher and I think that's there's about a 75% chance that if her TEACHER asks her? she'll whimper but do it (and a 25% chance we'll be back to the wars again)

What should I do!?

[Llyra]

At school-- I think it's the teacher's job to enforce that. If they want her to wear them, let them tell her. If they haven't said anything already, chances are they don't really care all that much.

At ballet-- if her regular teacher is okay with her not wearing them, I would do the same-- just let the teacher be the one to enforce it if she decides to.

Otherwise, if the teachers ARE insisting she wear them, and she isn't willing to cooperate with the teacher, I would first go and have a private talk with the teacher. A lot of times if they understand the situation, they'll cut you and the kid a break. I'd do that before I'd get tangled up in an argument about something that's not a health, safety, or moral issue. Which socks most certainly are NOT.

[annethcz]

I wouldn't force the issue. If it is important to the teacher, the teacher will enforce the rules. As long as your DD has appropriate clothing WITH her, I'd just let it go.

[EFmom]

The dress code I enforce.

Our schools have a very sensible and reasonable dress code. I happen to think uniforms in public schools are an opressive abomination, and I think that by enforcing the eminently reasonable dress code, I do my part to keep the uniform enthusiasts from gaining ground.

So, while every other girl in junior high may wear Daisy Dukes (according to my dd), she may not, and her shorts need to cover her behind.

I've been very firm and very consistent about this from the get-go. So while dd will try to push the envelope when the seasons initially change, she gets nowhere with me, and she stops whining after a day or two. It's actually pretty stress-free.

[anj_rn]

I would keep the socks in her backpack and the footed tights in her dance bag. Let the teachers enforce it. I HATED tights (and I took dance for 18 years). I would wear footless tights if I had to wear a leo, and just footies if I could wear dance shorts & a top. As long as you are OK with the wardrobe, and she is not missing school, I don't see a problem.

[MusicianDad]

I say other, at school I can't see any good reason for her to be wearing socks if she doesn't want to. In dance I can see the chance of blisters if she's wearing shoes, no socks and moving around excessively.

I would probably just drop the issue with the school, but work on her wearing the socks or tights to dance.

[phathui5]

I wouldn't enforce the school sock rule. If the teacher says something, she'll have to either wear socks or deal with the consequences.

[Chamomile Girl]

I vote other: I think you should go to battle with the school dress code not with the child. Dress codes are silly IMO; especially something like socks.

Ballet makes more sense, but it comes with natural concequences. If she gets blisters or some such because she won't wear tights then she has a choice between further injury or socks.

[CarrieMF]

she can get blisters from not wearing socks at school too, especially if she gets her feet wet or they sweat from moving around. It isn't limited to dance. It can also increase the chance of getting yeast & fungal foot infections. If she's going outside without socks she'll get more dirt/sand/rocks into her shoes & feet. Her feet will be smellier/dirtier.

I understand the rules for both, but since it seems there isn't really an issue I'd let it go for this year. both dance & school should be over soon. Next year it may become a problem & as your dd gets older she'll be able to deal with it better.

Now if she continues in ballet & does exams she will NEED to wear tights when she's older. In my dd's class they actually did NOT wear tights but the older girls have to. I'm not sure what the change was, the sheet said they needed tights but the teacher said no tights(which also means no underwear & IMO that'd be more uncomfortable,lol).

It sounds like your dd may have a sensory issue with things around her feet. Does she handle the ballet shoes okay? If she just didn't want to wear them just because I'd push her to do it more, but it really does sound sensory.

[eepster]

This is not a hill I would die on. I once sent DS to school wearing socks on his hands (it seemed a pretty good compromise to wearing his shirt on his legs and his pants on his arms which is what he originally wanted .) If the school takes issue with it, then they can try to convince her of the need. It would seem though that the kindergarten teach doesn't view it as a worthy battle either. My guess is the rule was created to discourage unsafe foot wear, such as flip flops.

I'm with CarrieMF, it sounds like a sensory issue. If you think it's important for her to one day wear socks comfortably, occupational therapy might help.

[LynnS6]

Another vote for sensory issues here too. You might want to look into Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and see if she's got more signs of that or if this is really just an issue with socks.

If there are situations where she absolutely must wear socks, you can try turning them inside out so that the nice looking (and smoother) seam is against her foot. (That's a trick I learned from my sensory disordered husband for our sensory disordered son.) Some places also sell 'seamless' socks and tights.

[LynnS6]

Oh, and no way would I let it be known that she's not wearing socks. If the teachers notice and ask, you can tell them that this is simply not a battle you are willing to fight.

If it is a sensory issue, it's more than 'stubborness'. It's physically really really uncomfortable for her. (Our ds had the opposite problem - he never went without socks - ah the difference 6 months of occupational therapy made for him.) My dh has sensory issues and nothing his parents/the school tried to do would make him 'give in'. He just couldn't bring himself to do it.

[One_Girl]

I voted other. I think that rules are important, but it sounds like there is something else going on and I don't think you should enforce these rules if the teachers aren't. Have you tried different socks with different textures and fibers? That may help. If she is allergic to something in the sock that may be making her more resistant to the socks.

[Just1More]

If there isn't anything else going on, and it certainly seems there may be...

I would enforce the rule. If you won't wear socks, then you don't go to ballet. She's 5, so she's not going to miss out on super valuable instruction at this point.

For school, well, she needs to go, so I'd ask the teacher to back me up. Something should happen at school, but at the same time, I'd be pretty annoyed if I was a teacher and a parent was handing off their struggles to me like that. If the teacher really doesn't care, then the dress code needs to change. But until it did...my kid would be wearing socks.

[LaLaLaLa]

I would enforce the school rules. When I was teaching eighth grade, my female students would wear super-short skirts to school. When they sat in chairs in my classroom, I could see their underwear. They couldn't maneuver themselves onto the benches at lunchtime without flashing everyone.

My male students would wear tee shirts with inappropriate messages on them.

All forbidden by our dress code. As a teacher, I then had to spend time dealing with dress code violations--sending kids to the office to call their parents to bring extra clothes, talking to the parents on the phone later about the dress code, making up work with the kids who missed class because they were at the office dealing with dress code.

It was draining to have to put all of that effort into something before I could even focus on teaching. That's why we published and sent home the dress code to begin with--so parents would be aware and wouldn't send their kids to school in something they weren't supposed to wear.

DD is in kindergarten this year. She isn't allowed to wear Crocs. It's not MY rule, but it's THE rule and I don't think anyone else should have to tell her, when I already know.

If your DD has a sensory issue that needs some leeway, I would talk to the teacher about exceptions being made and work something out privately, instead of just seeming to flaunt the entire dress code issue.

[lerlerler]

we've tried every possible sock option and fiber - but the "turn 'em inside out" thing may be worth a go.

And i KNEW I'd get a few SPD or "sensory issue" posts but other than socks? Nothing!!

All foods- any texture/temperature are OK
All clothes - even her horribly polyester soccer jersey that makes my skin crawl just looking at it....

Shoes she will willingly wear - but remove at the earliest convinient moment... there's always a pile of shoes in the car and the bike trailer the MINUTE she gets out of school they are off...

She just likes her toes....

I agree with you guys - I'll just keep putting the appropriate gear in her book/ballet bag and let the teachers deal with it.

(but part of me does wish that they insisted because I think she'd wear them and I don't want her growing up thinking that the only rules that count are the ones enforced)

[Just1More]

Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa

If your DD has a sensory issue that needs some leeway, I would talk to the teacher about exceptions being made and work something out privately, instead of just seeming to flaunt the entire dress code issue.

And I would make sure my dd knew that this was to help because of a need, not because the rule didn't matter. Her need required discussing the rule and asking for help, not just ignoring it.

[lerlerler]

Originally Posted by EFmom

The dress code I enforce.

Our schools have a very sensible and reasonable dress code. I happen to think uniforms in public schools are an opressive abomination, and I think that by enforcing the eminently reasonable dress code, I do my part to keep the uniform enthusiasts from gaining ground.

e.

FYI. our public school is the only district in the country with a district wide uniform policy (there was gang trouble 20 years ago and it stopped a lot of violence - WAY better area now but the policy never left) and while as a libertarian I HATE HATE HATE the idea? As a Mom? It's kind of nice... navy bottoms (any) navy or white tops (any collared) ANY shoes/tights/hair bows/leg warmers... No logos at all.

It's fun to see the way the kids accessorize and show their personalities within these parameters...

Navy tulle skirts and white frilly tops with tye dye leggings, pink giant hairbow and mismatched high tops? Good!

Bermudas and a boys polo with track shoes? also good.

I hated the idea but now I really like it

Yes, it's a legal thing and the FIRST thing I did was look to see where the law lie. I found the (very non-publicized) form that allows a parent to "opt-out" of the uniform code.. and only after I found the form could I make peace with the concept - but no one opts out.

So come to the dark side.... the kids in the salvation army clothes look no different from the kids from the yacht club.... unless they want to. We have a very diverse school and it really takes the stigma away

(the middle schoolers wear black bottoms and the high schoolers wear khaki)

[SunshineJ]

Originally Posted by lerlerler

(but part of me does wish that they insisted because I think she'd wear them and I don't want her growing up thinking that the only rules that count are the ones enforced)

Really though, socks at school? Have you ever run into a "rule" that was just, well, stupid? So much so that no one followed it including the people who made it? Or something that just didn't make sense? I can totally understand hemlines and certain images or logos on clothing, as those can be distracting to the entire student body, but socks? I'm sorry but I'm kind of with your dd on this one. It wouldn't even hit my radar.

[prothyraia]

They're her feet; if nobody else cares, why should you?

In reality, there are rules in life that aren't enforced and just aren't that important. I think it's okay for kids to learn that. Just think of it like the school equivalent of a 'blue law'.