How to keep DH on track with weight loss?

[Alison's Mom]

DH is about 30 pounds overweight. I'm naturally petite, although I'm now realizing I need to watch myself and not just eat anything I like.

In the past, he has said many times he needs to lose weight, but when I try to help, he gets put off by it. I realize he doesn't want me to nag him, but apart from cooking healthy meals, what can I do? If I don't buy any junky food, he'll complain because he wants 'some' junk food in the house, but he doesn't have a lot of will power and then will eat way more that he should. I do try to buy the healthiest treats, with no artificial anything, and organic if possible.

He is starting to run with a group at work and plays hockey once a week, but it doesn't seem to be enough. When I run on the treadmill at night, I always ask him first if he wants to run and he always says no. We used to run a ton together before kids and it was great. Now it would involve getting a sitter every time, so haven't run together in ages.

Any advice?

[RosemaryS-F]

Originally Posted by Alison's Mom

DH is about 30 pounds overweight. I'm naturally petite, although I'm now realizing I need to watch myself and not just eat anything I like.

This could be part of the "problem". He doesn't think you understand what it's like?

In the past, he has said many times he needs to lose weight, but when I try to help, he gets put off by it. I realize he doesn't want me to nag him, but apart from cooking healthy meals, what can I do?

This is a clear message to you to back off. Perhaps he wants to be the one to initiate the conversation and come up with his own solution. Next time he brings it up, try to let him do most of the talking.

If I don't buy any junky food, he'll complain because he wants 'some' junk food in the house, but he doesn't have a lot of will power and then will eat way more that he should. I do try to buy the healthiest treats, with no artificial anything, and organic if possible.

you can try to speak for yourself in this case. Tell him you don't bring junk into the house because it's too tempting for YOU. If you want a treat, you go out for it. Sure it costs more, but that's another incentive for YOU to eat more healthfully.

He is starting to run with a group at work and plays hockey once a week, but it doesn't seem to be enough. When I run on the treadmill at night, I always ask him first if he wants to run and he always says no. We used to run a ton together before kids and it was great. Now it would involve getting a sitter every time, so haven't run together in ages.

Once again, it sounds like he's involving other people at work/friends with this journey. Running and playing sports are great. He'll come up with something, and involve you if he feels he can trust you not to come on too strong! These are all just my intuitions. What do you think?

Any advice?

those are the sum total of my current ideas!

[425lisamarie]

Well, I had DH on a "diet" and he lost a few pounds that he needed. I just tried to put up with his minor moodiness and tell him i love him and i know it sucks, etc etc.....it's not easy changing habbits. I made him popcorn and weighed out one serving of chocolate or something for when he just needed something treaty.

[SundayCrepes]

My husband is thin but his father and brother died VERY young from heart attacks. Although his cholesterol is fine for the average person, he is at risk for a heart attack so the doctor said it should be lower. He's not worried about it, he says his cholesterol is fine.

I do not want to be a widow and I especially don't want to be a widow with little kids. (He's already lived longer than his father did.) However, there's not much I can do beyond buying and making healthy foods. I no longer buy sour cream. If he wants it, he'll just have to buy his own. (He's not going to take the time to do that.) I buy lowfat cheese. I've changed the milk from whole milk to 2%. That's all I can do. He's a grown up. If he wants to make any other changes, that's up to him and there's not much I can do about it. His ex-wife was a nag. I won't be like her.

You're probably in the same boat. All you can do is buy and cook healthy foods and leave it at that. Have you tried the weight watchers cookbooks? The recipes are super healthy and really good. At least in the last 10 years or so they are. I don't know about before that. Here's the ones I like:

http://www.amazon.com/Weight-Watcher...2513654&sr=8-4

http://www.amazon.com/Weight-Watcher...2513751&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Weight-Watcher...2513774&sr=1-1

This isn't weight watchers. It has nutritional info except it doesn't tell you fiber. Still, the recipes are great:
http://www.amazon.com/Low-Fat-Vegeta...2513881&sr=1-1

[Alison's Mom]

Thanks everyone. Rosemary - yes, you are probably right with much of what you're saying. He probably thinks that I don't understand, and I have always tried to not mention it as much as possible.

Lisamarie - I think I should ask DH straight on what he wants me to help with and then just go with that. Unfortunately, I think he would have to join weight watchers or have some sort of leader to stick to dieting, and I worry that once he does it, he would gain weight back when he's finished the program. He takes after his mom who did WW once in her 40s and had a propensity to gain weight. And his will power is self admittedly not the best.

Sundaycrepes - I totally hear you. DH has high BP so I worry too about him dying early from something preventable. I'll take a look at those cookbooks. The kids have food allergies, so most conventional recipes need to be modified, but it should give us some ideas anyway. We don't do a lot of butter, high fat dairy. . . our vices are more like large portions, too much meat and some refined flour/sugar treats.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by Alison's Mom

our vices are more like large portions, too much meat and some refined flour/sugar treats.

There's your solution.

[Alison's Mom]

Yes, however DH gets cranky if I don't serve meat for dinner a few nights in a row, and if I give him what I think is a reasonable portion of a healthy meal, he'll go hunting for snacks within 10 min of eating his meal. I think the big thing is I need to sit down with him and talk about a plan - let it be his plan and let him decide what to do, and how much involvement I should have.

[zoebird]

part of it is that the meal has to be emotionally satisfying.

my DH is currently on an elimination diet due to allergies. we're trying to see how sensitive he is to certain foods, so he's essentially eating paleolithic. it's essentially meat and vegetables. he's nut, dairy, egg, gluten free. he can have some grains, so long as they are gluten free, and beans.

at first, he had serious satiation issues due to the fact that he just wasn't emotionally satisfied by the meals. so, i got creative. first, i served more courses. then, i made sure that i had all of the major flavors covered--savory, sweet, and sour.

so, i serve courses. this is typically dip with veggies, soup, main course, and 'sweet'.

for example, today we had:

hummus with cucumbers, carrots, and red peppers (sweet);

vegetarian persian-style onion soup (it's very good) (savory);

falafel for the baby and i, herbed minced lamb for DH with a side of
quinoa with kidney beans and veggies (cucumber, onion, carrot, red pepper, olive) with an olive oil, honey, and vinegar dressing over romaine ribbons (savory and sour);

dates and dried apricots taken through a food mill and then rolled with honey, chopped almonds and coconut (but i omitted the almonds for him this time as coconut is ok for him). these make these great little bite-sized balls.

so, it seems like this might be a lot. but i do a lot of pre-prep. for example, i make the beans and the quinoa early in the day, then just let them cool. i make the hummus early too. while the soup is going (it takes about 20 minutes), i chop the veggies up and serve the dip. i tend to make a lot of the date balls, because they are easy to make all at once and are a great snack. An alternative to processing them is to simply pull the pit out of the date and put an almond in and just roll that in coconut.

i find that the meal, when i prep the ingredients through the day, is really just something i put together. and often, i'll make a lot of beans one day--and use them over the following days. i tend to make falafel mix and then cook it throughout the week. just what works for us.

but, i found that when i added courses and there seemed to be a lot of food, DH was happier. i always have left overs--so it's great for lunch the next day. less prep for lunch that way.

[RosemaryS-F]

Originally Posted by Alison's Mom

Yes, however DH gets cranky if I don't serve meat for dinner a few nights in a row, and if I give him what I think is a reasonable portion of a healthy meal, he'll go hunting for snacks within 10 min of eating his meal. I think the big thing is I need to sit down with him and talk about a plan - let it be his plan and let him decide what to do, and how much involvement I should have.

I have been making lots of meat stir-fry (in olive oil cooking spray, non caloric). Since there are tons of veggies, your portion is bigger. I serve the rice/pasta with a measuring spoon. If you know your dh's height/weight, you can figure out his target calories. He'll still get more food than you will. I also think that the meat stir fry is more satisfying if it is not served over rice/pasta (or whatever) but if that is a separate dish (with some flavoring of some sort, and a few herbs or veggies tossed in for color.) I also make a big salad and usually even another vegetable side dish. This keeps our calories low, but our "emotional satisfaction" very high.

Oh, and sweet potatoes are a great starch to serve because of how low calorie/glycemic index they are!

[crunchy_mama]

I think that it is best not to push him too much- it has to come from him. Just as anyone who wants to change themselves, if it doesn't come from inside then it is worthless.

Also, I don't won't to argue nutrition with anyone but I don't believe that it is the meat making him fat. It is likely processed food- too much sugar, salt and bad fats. How about looking into the Paleo type diet for him? Dh finally decided he wanted to lose weight and was very satisfid w/ the Paleo diet. He has lost 15 lbs or so and done it not being hungry or weighing, counting or measuring anything. We use good meats(grassfed/local and good fats)- he just knows to stay away from process foods, sugary drinks etc. At first I made sure to have tons of safe food around and serve him the largest portions he wanted. I also made sure to serve little treats now and again.

Now dh needs to lose about 15 or so more, but he is not terribly motivated right now. He is still doing well at maintaining though and has stayed at this same weight a few months now. I am glad though I would rather him go slow and make chages he can stick with along the way.

[425lisamarie]

Crunchy our hubbies I think are the exact same way. I am really happy he loves to stay on an "only what I make him" type way of eating, and I know he has things here and there, but he is worlds different than before.

I'm really proud of the changes he has made. He really got irritable with me sometimes because I really tried to get him to NOT eat something bad late at night, or maybe I'd try to tell him "wait a little bit and see if your REALLY hungry still" after eating a generous portion and just wanting to eat more.

The trouble is somehow MOST diets paint this nice picture that "if you eat this and that" you don't have to worry....I think they don't really do a good job of really saying "and you CANNOT eat a lot at a time." Once you get the feeling of being totally stuffed, rather than satisfied you just always want that FULL feeling after eating. Very very rarely do I feel full, but I am satisfied and know i don't need more.

I have an easy time dealing with the crankiness and semi rude/snippiness he gets because i know how bad it sucks to get over habbits and I so badly want him to be healthy. I was over 200 pounds once, earlier on in my life I was a walking eating disorder, and another time I was a heavy drinker. I plunged myself in to fitness to help with the habbits and it really worked.

You could plan a little family walk after dinner or something, or some kind of thing that occupies your time away from the kitchen so he is not tempted. I think the biggest hardship is breaking the portion sizes for men. They just like GIANT plates of food!

So long as my DH stays away from sugary drinks, eating crap late at night, he can maintain fine. I don't care if he has 10 or 15 pounds to lose and honestly I don't think it' s compromising his health. He just likes food LOL. He knows whenever he wants I'll cut his calories a little and help him lose a little more. You can do it little by little. Cut calories back for a couple weeks, t hen up a little to maintain, then back down a little. It doesn't feel like your always dieting then

[lil_earthmomma]

Most men do extremely well on this "diet" and love it due to the meat consumption!

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

My husband has lost 80 lbs and does not have to take insulin which is crazy because he's a type one juvenille diabetic.

I've lost 60 lbs and want to lose 30 more.

More than that is how healthy we feel, how much energy and vitality we have.

Check it out, nothing says stick do your weight loss goals like bacon!

[Alison's Mom]

Wow, thanks everyone!

Zoebird - I really like your ideas about emotionally satisfying meals. Meat plays a big role in that for him, at least at dinner. I feel like that too, as I would very rarely eat a vegetarian meal in a restaurant. I'm all about easy at home, so putting a meal together with the least amount of standing over it to stir, etc, so there is a lot of soup, baked/roasted meat, steamed veggies, etc with little to no sauces, etc. I'm partial to plainer foods, with just a bit of salt and pepper, while DH thinks it's boring. I could definitely put in a bit more effort to make our healthy meals more interesting and satisfying.

Another thing is he eats lunch at work - food fair or restaurant, so I have basically no control over what he's having. He goes through spurts of trying to eat healthy at lunch.

While we've been eating organic for a good portion of our food for a while, including meat, I have recently discovered a local source for grassfed beef/lamb/pork, so have bought several things from there recently.

DH read 'Fit for Life' several years ago and has followed it to some degree a few times in his life. The main idea is not to combine proteins with starches, although you can eat both separately combined with veggies at different meals. I like the looks of the Paleo diet, and DH would sure love all the meat he can have, but cutting out grains completely would be hard.

I think starting every dinner with a salad is a good idea. I've also read about the merits of eating slowly so your brain starts to realize your stomach is full before you've wolfed down way more food than you need. We started eating really fast after DD was born because always needed to be held and we would just wolf down our food to take our turn holding her.

I also like the idea of the family walk after dinner to resist the urge to snack.

Those of you following some sort of adult dietary restriction, whether it's for allergies or weight loss, what do you do about the kids' food? We tend to eat things our kids like most of the time, so it's rice pasta/tomato sauce and/or meatballs, rice/chicken or steak/veggies, homemade pizza without cheese, soups with lentils, veggies and sometimes stew meat, etc. I will sometimes make a dish that DH and I like that I know the kids won't eat, and just have something simple for them to have.

[425lisamarie]

on feeding the kids: In theory I would like everyone to eat the same. HOWEVER, this is not always realistic. I always serve family style meals, and the main thing or two is the same, and then I'll have a side of something that the kids love that i will not eat, like pastas, homemade bread, etc. It's not that I think they couldn't be healthy without it but it makes them appreciate healthy food and eat better all around if I don't take the little things away they love just because I don't eat it. I make a "one serving" type amount of whatever less appropriate thing I make, so they can have more of everyhting else. I almost always make a salad, kids love to toss and serve it. then I put out a tray of olives, and salad toppings, cheese, etc.

here are a couple examples of my dinner table:

big salad tossed with the dressing, condiment serving tray with olives, cheese cubes, roasted nuts, croutons, some assorted raw veggies

baked chicken, usually chicken thighs with the bone/skin well seasoned and so juicy and yum.

A homemade loaf of sourdough in which the kids and DH will have

Or, steak bites, just cubed marinated pan seared steak in a big serving bowl with a couple dipping sauces

Steamed broccoli with butter and coconut oil

a fruit salad

some kind of sweet potato usually baked sweet/spicy with a pinch brown sugar, chili powder, salt a nd pepper. or maybe regular baked potatoes with butter/sour cream

[Alison's Mom]

Update

OK, just wanted to provide an update.

DH decided to start Fit For Life about 2 weeks ago. He can only have fruit until 12noon, then he can have a veggie/carb meal, OR a veggie/meat meal, but not allowed to have carb/meat at the same meal. He is doing really well, and is trying to eat vegetarian for 6 days a week. It's going very well and he's lost about 12 pounds already. It takes for more planning on my part to make an interesting and good tasting vegetarian dinner, but we're managing!

I'm hoping that it's sustainable! I think after an 8 week stint of being on the program fairly strictly, he'll do the program on all week days and treat himself to more regular food on weekends to maintain the weight once he reaches his target.

Thanks for all of your suggestions!

ETA - Oh yes, and he is not snacking at all after dinner, and instead has one cup of herbal tea before bedtime!