HBAC midwife bailed @36weeks - need to vent

[regina1979]

I am so upset. My local midwife bailed on me at 36 weeks! She called this morning asked a few pregnancy questions then told me, "She isn't willing to lose her license for no money."

The day before we had talked about paying ten percent and then making payments and all was fine. Today she said she cant do it and assured me I would be fine in the hospital but stressed that If I still used my dula I shouldn't try to trick her into staying for the birth at home!!!!

What!?!??!!

I became so upset at this point my husband took the phone from me and talked further with my midwife. My midwife said to him A HBAC is like a "drug deal" which I guess means no payments. The midwife then went on to say it's not about the money. Again the midwife stressed to my husband that we not trying to trick my dula...... blah blah blahhhhhh..........

WHAT!?!?!?!

My dula was there for my first VBAC. If my dula had felt "pressured" at any time during the first go round I would think she never would have signed on for the second.

I called my dula after my midwife called to let her know what was up.
(Today both my midwife and dula were coming to bring my birthing pool and talk about my birth plan).
My dula mentioned that my midwife had suggested she (my dula) not attend my birth. My dula has said she would still like to be there for me but did say she feels some tension from my midwife. Mainly because she is trying to apprentice with her.

I am so sad and lost! I have been crying all day!!! Why my Midwife waited this long to decide all the money needed to be paid upfront is upsetting. I also don't understand why she is trying to "scare" my dula away too!

Now I don't even know if I should hold on to my dula. Is this situation too tainted???? Ughhhhhhh!!! Now I have to wrap my head around a hospital birth and possibly 2 less people on my support team.

[shenanegans]

So is this basically about the money? and maybe that the midwife doesn't feel comfortable with your doula? What payment arrangements had you made? I know my midwife (we are also planning hbac) wants all the fees paid before the birth so we don't have to talk about money after the baby is born. This is really stressful to have her drop you like that. Didn't she offer you an alternative, like another midwife rather than just the hospital?

[CherryBomb]

Wow, that sucks. I'm sorry

[HappyMommy2]

That is horrible! I am so sorry you are going thru this mama! Can you call around to other midwives? You have already had one HBAC so that should alleviate most concerns.
Good luck mama!

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

thats pretty rotten dropping you, especilly at this stage in your pregnancy.

[dachshundqueen]

While I understand how stressful this is for you, especially at this late in pregnancy, I am really hopeful you have back up care.

I am one to try to see the best in people, and the fact that she mentioned her license and losing it for no money makes me wonder if she is receiving pressure from elsewhere for other reasons. In my state, HB is a grey area where MW's can be prosecuted. The fact that she is also pressuring your doula to avoid you makes me think that something else is going on here.

Perhaps she is feeling very uncertain about your HBAC or her ability to manage it safely or she is having financial troubles of her own.

I understand how totally awful the situation is and I would most certainly look for a new doula. Your existing one will only bring tension as she is getting pressure from the midwife.

Liz

[regina1979]

Thanks for the feedback. I definatly feel better today. Still sad but better = ) .
I am coming to term with a hospital birth. I had a great VBAC in the hospital with my second daughter and hopefully this birth with be simalar.

(8hrs total and with 3 pushes i had her out!!!!! Cant ask for much better in my mind!!!! Well no, an hour start to finish with an orgasmic delivery would be ideal = ) Don't think that will be happening.)

Anyway......

I have been doing dual car with an OBGYN. So a hospital birth is what I will be doing. No, my midwife offered no other names and had not brought up payment plans until 2 days ago. I understand that HBAC's can jeprodise a midwifes license and I totally respect that. It's just hard to deal with this late in the game. If I had known how important the money being delivered before the birth was........ I could have prepared differantly. Or known it wasnt going to happen right off the bat. Something obviously made her uncomfortable when I talked to her about payments and I am dealing with that. Better for me to be honest than to be sneaky. It's just funny how sometimes being honest can bite you in the tush.



Love to all you mama's !!!

[Happiestever]

My mw dumped me when I was 38 weeks along (thank goodness I went to almost 42 LOL). Get together with some ICAN mamas and maybe they can help you sort everything out.