I don't feel anything!

[Purple*Lotus]

You can stalk my posts for specifics, but this has been a really crappy year for me and I basically felt like my church abandoned me during my time of need.

Right now, I feel nothing.

I want to make it clear that I believe in God 100%. I believe that Jesus died for my sins. I have listened to other people talk about their various beliefs and religions, but none have ever felt as right to me as God sending His son to die on the cross for me. So if I believe that firmly, and I do, then why don't I feel anything at all anymore?

I feel far from God. At first I thought I was just depressed. But really, in every area of my life, I feel so happy. I am happy where I live, I am happy where I work. The church situation broke my heart, but I don't feel that I am in a depression because of it.

I think maybe God doesn't want me anymore? Maybe that is why I have zero desire to pray, zero desire to go to church. You know I used to listen to music and songs like "Shout to the Lord" would come on and I would really *feel* something. I felt God moving through me.

So if I believe all of these things to be true, if I really believe in God and can accept no other alternative, then why don't I want to read the Bible and pray and go to church? I worry that He is done with me and doesn't want to use me for anything.

Then I wonder if it is because I am so obese, that He is disgusted that I abuse my body so much? Or if perhaps He is upset that I let my husband abuse me so much and did not ever step out in faith and try to get my life back together.

Or maybe this all means that I really *don't* believe in God?

I am very conflicted

[Mamacrys]

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I don't think you have stopped believing, I just think you feel a little let down. I've been there and you can move beyond it. I think it's just a time thing. You need time to heal from this abandonment I think. But thats just mpo.

[Shami]

I just wanted to give you hugs and tell you that Satan is a liar. He is shooting those thoughts about God not wanting you or needing you into your mind. Reject those thoughts and tell Satan to go jump in the lake of fire! I am serious. Declare the facts and Praise the Lord regardless of how you feel. While you are moving about your house or driving start declaring the facts. This is an exercise that will make the enemy flee because he hates to hear these facts.

You must do this out loud and as loud as you want. You can do it in your head if others are around, but doing it out loud really releases me from Satans attack.
Do you believe in spiritual warfare because you are in it right now?

Here are some facts you can declare to God and to Satan:

Jesus is Lord
Christ is Victor
Satan is defeated
The blood of Christ cleanses me
Satan look at the blood
Satan go jump in the lake of fire
Jesus is the King of kings and the Lord of lords
Satan is under the Lord's feet
and under my feet!
Sin is judged, old Adam finished!
Praise You Lord Jesus Christ!
Jesus is my Lord
Every knee shall bow and every tongue confess
Jesus Christ is Lord
Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah!
Jesus is Alive
Jesus is risen
Satan is finished
Praise God
Jesus lives in me
Satan cannot touch me
Jesus is my refuge
Jesus is my joy, my strength and supply
Jesus is my life and my life supply
Death cannot hold the resurrection life
Resurrection life is in me
My spirit is Life
I love you Lord Jesus

I could go on and on. My dear sister, this really works to get me out where you are right now. Keep declaring the facts until you feel released!

[bluebirdiemama]

don't know entirely what to say right now other than, love and prayers your way.


the Lord loves you, despite any sin in your life. God does not see your sin, he sees your new identity in Christ. He sees you, pure and beautiful.

philippians 1:4...6
I always pray with joy... being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

the Lord will not abandon you!


John 15:7
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.

I have tested and found it true! You can ask for anything that is promise in scripture, in the name of Jesus, and it will be given to you


Matthew 7:7-8
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Ask the Lord to show himself to you. Ask Him to show you any sin that may be separating you from Him (i bet Shami mentioned that )
And when you ask, know that the Lord has promised to open the door to you. Do not doubt. Have joy in knowing the Lord will answer your prayer.


and also, Romans 8:23-39 might be encouraging for you to read.

with Christ you can do all things. trust in Him and he will carry your load. and He will bless you tremendously, on the other side of this trial.

praying for you, mama

[Bluegoat]

Well, why do you think you should feel something?

Christianity is not about your feelings, it is not about attending a church that makes you feel happy or full of emotion, or whatever. It is about knowing God and doing his will.

It is normal for every person to go through periods of spiritual dryness. And it is these periods, not the times when we feel filled with God and the Holy Spirit, that we grow spiritually as Christians. These are the times when we begin to build a relationship with God built on more than how we feel.

There are many examples in the Bible and in history you could meditate on. Christ in the desert, or Job. Perhaps try reading some of the writings of Mother Teresa, who for many years felt no connection to God - she never had that feeling you are worried you have lost.

And consider Christ on the cross, who felt himself to be abandoned by God. God is never happier than when one of his people pray, even though they have no desire to. That is what love is about, and that is why he allows us to go through such times.

Do keep in mind that times like this are also likely to be times we are attacked, either with despair, or through the body.

I have read your other posts, and I really think you need to find a new church, one with leaders who are a lot more spiritually mature than the ones at your old church.

[Purple*Lotus]

Thank you everyone, I just printed this out to be able to read the suggestions and scriptures daily for help. I appreciate your thoughts

[annettemarie]

Would it help, too, to know that some of the greatest saints went through periods of spiritual dryness? I know St. Therese of Lisieux did, and she was one of the gentlest, sweetest saints that ever lived. I found this quite from her:

When I am in this state of spiritual dryness, unable to pray or to practice virtue, I look for little opportunities for the smallest trifles to please Jesus, such as a smile, a kindly word when I would rather be silent. . . . If no such occasion offers itself, I try at least to say over and over again that I love Him. --

I believe Mother Teresa went through it as well, and St. John of the Cross called it "the dark night of the soul". So you are in good company. I know you're not Catholic, but I guess my point is that feeling far away from God is not uncommon. I think it tends to be more pronounced and more devastating when you're from a background that tends to put an emphasis on feelings and emotions. I hope you can find some peace soon.

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Would it help, too, to know that some of the greatest saints went through periods of spiritual dryness? I know St. Therese of Lisieux did, and she was one of the gentlest, sweetest saints that ever lived. I found this quite from her:


I believe Mother Teresa went through it as well, and St. John of the Cross called it "the dark night of the soul". So you are in good company. I know you're not Catholic, but I guess my point is that feeling far away from God is not uncommon. I think it tends to be more pronounced and more devastating when you're from a background that tends to put an emphasis on feelings and emotions. I hope you can find some peace soon.

That does help, actually, thank you!

[fruitfulmomma]

I agree with Bluegoat that Christianity isn't about our feelings/emotions and also with AnnetteMarie that many who came before us have experienced similar issues. I really have my ups and downs too.

Here is a passage that would be good to memorize and meditate on...
Romans 8 (NIV) -

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. 31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

[Shami]

I wanted to say a little more in response to some pp that said it is not about feelings or how you feel. While I understand your point and agree that we need to pursue the Lord regardless of how we feel, I think there is a need to point something out.

Feeling dry and feeling like you have lost the presence of the Lord are two different things in my own experience.

When I feel dry, may not have any hunger for the word nor any desire to listen to hymns. I may still talk to the Lord or pray, but I don't have the sense that I am receiving much grace or light. I still know the Lord is there and I believe in Him, but I may not have much desire to contact Him or spend time with Him. I view this feeling of dryness as quite a normal part of my christian life and just wait and pray for it to end.

On the other hand, feeling like I have lost the presence of the Lord is the scariest thing ever to me and I hate when that happens. I feel blocked and stuck regardless of how much I pray, sing, and read, I sense the Lord is gone. Usually it has to do with an offense toward another member of the body. Sometimes it has to do with a sin that I need to confess, but more than likely it is due to an offense. Offenses with other Christians can really hinder the flow of the Spirit because the same Lord that lives in me, lives in the person that I am offended with. When I am offended with another believer, in actuality I am offended with the Lord, too, sort of indirectly.

OP I don't know which is your case. I do know that you left the believers you were meeting with, and if you haven't gone to the Lord about it, that may be something that is hindering your relationship with the Lord. Even if you were right and they were wrong, you may have some things in your heart to let the Lord shine on and heal you. Talk directly to the Lord about it. Many time I am mulling something over in my mind and I think I have given it to the Lord, but really I am just in my mind wandering around. Try to have direct conversations with the Lord.

Fellowship of the Spirit is very sensitive. There is vertical fellowship which is the Lord as the Spirit flowing to you, and you flowing back to the Lord. Horizontal fellowship is the Spirit flowing among the believers. If a water hose gets blocked with dirt the water can't flow. Likewise, if our heart gets clogged up with unforgiven offenses or unconfessed sins the Spirit can't flow.

Hope this helps and sorry if I am stepping too far out there. I don't mean to presume anything. I'm just throwing some concepts or principles out there for your consideration.

[Magelet]

I'm not christian, so maybe I come from a different perspective.

I'd say that it's perfectly ok. It doesn't mean you don't beleive in G-d, or that G-d rejects you. I think what it means is that you have been through a really really rough time lately. You may need to focus on earthly you for a while, and your healing, and when you are feeling a little more whole, you may be feeling more open to your connection to G-d. G-d is still there, and loving you if need support, however G-d can also understand and wait while you get yourself a little more straightened out, while you devote your energy to healing yourself.

[zoebird]

when a community acts poorly, it can create a situation where you feel less inclined to do things that will remind you of that church and that injury they caused you. this is pretty normal.

as an example, i belonged to a yoga community that went far awry. it came down pretty hurtful. while i still practiced (and taught) yoga, there were certain things i stopped doing like going to a favorite restaurant that i used to go to with friends from there, or even wearing certain items of clothing purchased there. i used to love those things, but at the time, doing them reminded me of what happened and caused me great upset.

so, that's one angle.

another might be simple what St Theresa of Avila talked about. she was a great mystic, and often had very intense experiences of God. but she also had experiences that she called "desert times" where she "felt that God was distant from her."

so, i think that if one of the greatest mystics who lived could experince that feeling of distance from God, then perhaps those of us who are just plain normal might too. and it's not that God doesn't want us, or that we do not want God, but rather that it is just that feeling of distance.

so, perhaps it's one of those "it happens" situations.

[Shami]

Hebrews 2:1-2

1 Therefore let us also, having so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, put away every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us and run with endurance the race which is set before us,

2 Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.

3 For compare Him who has endured such contradiction by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary, fainting in your souls.

Magelet I most sincerely respect your perspective and hope that you won't be offended when I contradict it. All perspectives are welcome on mdc, but I must gently say something here which will contradict your perspective. This is not to take away from your post because I know you wrote it with care in order to help the OP.

Look heavenly, Bunnyflakes, it is the earthly things which entangle us and weigh us down. No runner can run with heavy clothing on. Look away unto Jesus and He will heal you.
Stopping your pursuit of the Lord in order to heal yourself could result in years spent away from His loving presence. May the Lord have mercy on us all to continue to run the race.

Phil 3

13 Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before,

14 I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by Shami

Hebrews 2:1-2

1 Therefore let us also, having so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, put away every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us and run with endurance the race which is set before us,

2 Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.

3 For compare Him who has endured such contradiction by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary, fainting in your souls.

Magelet I most sincerely respect your perspective and hope that you won't be offended when I contradict it. All perspectives are welcome on mdc, but I must gently say something here which will contradict your perspective. This is not to take away from your post because I know you wrote it with care in order to help the OP.

Look heavenly, Bunnyflakes, it is the earthly things which entangle us and weigh us down. No runner can run with heavy clothing on. Look away unto Jesus and He will heal you.
Stopping your pursuit of the Lord in order to heal yourself could result in years spent away from His loving presence. May the Lord have mercy on us all to continue to run the race.

Phil 3

13 Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before,

14 I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward.

I don't think Magelet was saying anything untrue. Sometimes our spiritual life is affected negatively by our physical life, and in that case at least part of the solution is dealing with the physical or situational issue. For example, illness can sap our energy and so seem to be sapping our spiritual life. But it may not be accurate to look for the cause in our relationship with God in such a case - it is the result of physical distress. Healing the body will go far in improving things.

A situation which taxes our emotional resources - which are part of the body - can have a similar effect. So time to build them up may be the answer rather than some sin or spiritual solution.

The thing is that we are animals as well as spirits, and so it is normal for the fluctuations of the body to affect our spiritual life. It is important to learn to recognize this and work with it.

[Shami]

No Magelet is not saying anything wrong according to a non christian point of view.

Wouldn't you agree that as a christian we should not take a break from God to focus on earthly things?

I've always thought that endeavoring to get closer to the Lord is the goal no matter what situation we are in...no?

Regarding need of physical healing, the Lord is our great Physician. We cannot heal our selves apart from Christ. Sure we can do things like exercise and take supplements or medicine if necessary, but the Lord is the One whoheals us both physically and emotionally.

Respectfully disagreeing.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by Shami

No Magelet is not saying anything wrong according to a non christian point of view.

Wouldn't you agree that as a christian we should not take a break from God to focus on earthly things?

I've always thought that endeavoring to get closer to the Lord is the goal no matter what situation we are in...no?

Regarding need of physical healing, the Lord is our great Physician. We cannot heal our selves apart from Christ. Sure we can do things like exercise and take supplements or medicine if necessary, but the Lord is the One whoheals us both physically and emotionally.

Respectfully disagreeing.

It isn't about taking a break from God. It is a matter or determining the cause of the problem. A 'feeling" of not being emotionally invested might not originate from a spiritual cause, but a physical one. Prayer for healing would be a good thing (and at such a time other spiritual disciplines might be important too), but one would also have to address the physical issue. That might be quite different from how you might approach a spiritual problem that was having physical repercussions.

And it is a mistake anyway to think that emotion is some kind of barometer of one's relationship with God. Why then work to try to achieve an emotional state - you can take drugs if you are just interested in that. We need to do what God calls us to, not chase after feel-good spirituality.

Suffering can be a kind of Christian calling and witness. I can't help but mention again Mother Teresa, who for years felt abandoned and unloved by God, or felt as if he did not exist.

[_ktg_]

Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes

I feel far from God. At first I thought I was just depressed. But really, in every area of my life, I feel so happy. I am happy where I live, I am happy where I work. The church situation broke my heart, but I don't feel that I am in a depression because of it.

I think maybe God doesn't want me anymore? Maybe that is why I have zero desire to pray, zero desire to go to church. You know I used to listen to music and songs like "Shout to the Lord" would come on and I would really *feel* something. I felt God moving through me.

So if I believe all of these things to be true, if I really believe in God and can accept no other alternative, then why don't I want to read the Bible and pray and go to church? I worry that He is done with me and doesn't want to use me for anything.

Then I wonder if it is because I am so obese, that He is disgusted that I abuse my body so much? Or if perhaps He is upset that I let my husband abuse me so much and did not ever step out in faith and try to get my life back together.
Or maybe this all means that I really *don't* believe in God?
I am very conflicted

s. My thoughts (again opinion) is that sense of community is damaged for you, by what your church did to you as a member, an active caring member. Shameful!!

I agree with Zoebird, and Annettemarie and was coming to offer just my suggestion from a different perspective to look for the little things. The joy in a sunrise or sunset, the laughter of children, the smile of babies, the cool breeze on a hot day. The divine works all around us, and even when we feel alone, abandoned, shunned - it is still working, just "whispering", nudging us and trying to direct us back to our paths in life or in new directions we need to be going.

[Shami]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

It isn't about taking a break from God. It is a matter or determining the cause of the problem. A 'feeling" of not being emotionally invested might not originate from a spiritual cause, but a physical one. Prayer for healing would be a good thing (and at such a time other spiritual disciplines might be important too), but one would also have to address the physical issue. That might be quite different from how you might approach a spiritual problem that was having physical repercussions.

And it is a mistake anyway to think that emotion is some kind of barometer of one's relationship with God. Why then work to try to achieve an emotional state - you can take drugs if you are just interested in that. We need to do what God calls us to, not chase after feel-good spirituality.

Suffering can be a kind of Christian calling and witness. I can't help but mention again Mother Teresa, who for years felt abandoned and unloved by God, or felt as if he did not exist.

How I view emotions: not to be trusted because they fluctuate from one moment to the next.
Instead of the the word feel, insert the word discernment. We can have a spiritual discernment about situations. We can discern if we have the presence of the Lord or not. My pursuit of the Lord is not based on my not feeling anything or feeling something. I think we may be missing each others' point due to language barrier.
But anyway, what triggered my response to Magelet's post was that she said to focus on the earthly you, and heal yourself, then maybe you can reconnect with God.
My point is that Bunnyflakes should always endeavor to reconnect with God and then the healing comes with God as the source of her healing.
If you do a word search on "earthly" it is not positive. The Bible tells us to look away unto Jesus. Magelet admitted that she is not christian and I completely respect that and I completely respect her point of view. However, because I am christian and so is Bunnyflakes I thought it would help the op to point out certain principles, like looking away unto Jesus.
I know that our physical bodies can have a profound effect on our spiritual pursuit, but still believe we should look to the Lord for all things.

I guess that my main issue is that God should be the source of her healing. Focusing on the 'earthly you' and healing yourself takes God out of the picture all together.
Hope that makes sense. I don't know if we are disagreeing, Bluegoat, or if we use different terms to mean the same thing.

[Magelet]

As I said, I'm not christian, and my point of view might not be appropriate for some Christians. To me, there is no certainty that there IS an afterlife, and what is certain is that G-d put us on this world, for THIS life, and sometimes, being connected to G-d might not be possible, because you may have healing in this world to do first. Whether it is healing of yourself, or healing of the world, that is an act which brings you closer to G-d, in fact, working to heal the world is, essentially, the biggest act that brings you closer to G-d's purpose, more even than prayer. Prayer is important, however if one is feeling distant to G-d, one can instead focus on doing their part to heal the world for the time being, and let that work, and time, bring you towards G-d.

Like a PP, I agree paying attention to things like sunsets and majestic forests and children's smiles can help, by showing us G-d's presence in the world. they are such beautiful, powerful awe-ful things that they are clearly OF G-d, and thus a reminder of G-d, or perhaps a gift from G-d.

[bluebirdiemama]

Originally Posted by Shami

On the other hand, feeling like I have lost the presence of the Lord is the scariest thing ever to me and I hate when that happens. I feel blocked and stuck regardless of how much I pray, sing, and read, I sense the Lord is gone. Usually it has to do with an offense toward another member of the body. Sometimes it has to do with a sin that I need to confess, but more than likely it is due to an offense. Offenses with other Christians can really hinder the flow of the Spirit because the same Lord that lives in me, lives in the person that I am offended with. When I am offended with another believer, in actuality I am offended with the Lord, too, sort of indirectly.

OP I don't know which is your case. I do know that you left the believers you were meeting with, and if you haven't gone to the Lord about it, that may be something that is hindering your relationship with the Lord. Even if you were right and they were wrong, you may have some things in your heart to let the Lord shine on and heal you. Talk directly to the Lord about it. Many time I am mulling something over in my mind and I think I have given it to the Lord, but really I am just in my mind wandering around. Try to have direct conversations with the Lord.

Fellowship of the Spirit is very sensitive. There is vertical fellowship which is the Lord as the Spirit flowing to you, and you flowing back to the Lord. Horizontal fellowship is the Spirit flowing among the believers. If a water hose gets blocked with dirt the water can't flow. Likewise, if our heart gets clogged up with unforgiven offenses or unconfessed sins the Spirit can't flow.

.

I was thinking about those posts and was going to say soething like that, but didn't know how to say it.

I know that when I go to church on Sunday morning, I try to let absolutely everything go, and I feel as I let them go, I am more in tune with the Holy Spirit. It is so amazing, and maybe it's because I am a new Christian. idk. But I always try to let as much of it go as I can, the Lord is so wonderful and amazing, I really crave that closeness.