Getting obsessed with idea of homebirth

[mauraa629]

Hi, I have a few questions about homebirth. My first birth was a disaster, my husband and I were basically unprepared for fighting off drs that wanted to force my labor to go faster and in the end after 12 hours of pitocin i had an emergency c-section because baby wasn't tolerating labor, which after it was all done i knew the only problem she had was tolerating all the pitocin they were forcing on me. I knew better the second time around, found a wonderful midwife and was determined to have a vbac, and i did. It was a pretty stressful 29 hours, I think all the trauma from the first birth made my husband and I very nervous about everything. i kinda wanted a homebirth for that baby but felt a little safer choosing a small hospital just incase, since I hadn't had a vaginal birth I wanted to know if baby didn't fit for some reason or anything else I worried about happening they could help. Everything worked out great, went very slowly but I think my fear slowed progress for a while. I'm not pregnant with #3 yet but think next time around I would like a homebirth, unfortunately my midwife doesn't do homebirths but her partner does. So my questions are, how did you decide that homebirth was the right decision for you? How do you get passed all the what if fears? And how do you convince a husband who worries alot about the birth that it is a safe choice? Also I'm in RI and maybe I'm wrong but I don't think this is a friendly homebirth state, any one have a hb in RI? could you tell me about your experience? and can I get my insurance to cover a hb in RI? I would really like to be able to be at home and relaxed in my own bed or bathtub without having to worry about when to leave for the hospital and just take my time and let things happen at their own speed, thanks

[womenswisdom]

You might get a lot more RI specific responses by x-posting this in your tribal area.

I decided that hb was the right choice for me because I believe that the benefits outweigh the risks. There are risks no matter where you give birth and the risks associated with hb were the ones I was more comfortable taking in order to reap the benefits of a hb. I did the research and made my husband do the research. I challenged him to get informed and he convinced himself. You don't necessarily have to get past the fear and go into your birth fearless. I think that's an unreasonable expectation no matter where you birth unless you're completely uninformed. You make the decision you think is the right one and you just do it!

[mauraa629]

ok thanks, just did.

[mion]

Same here . . . when I was ultimately more comfortable about the risk/benefit ratio for hb than hospital, the decision occurred naturally. When the hospital midwife told me this time around that I would not be allowed to make my own decisions about how and where to push, that was enough for me, and that was when I genuinely felt safer at home (my 2nd daughter had sticky shoulders, which I believe was a result of coached pushing and being forced to push on my back).

Devour all the books you can, and read lots of positive natural birth stories. My favorite book this time is Childbirth without Fear by Dick-Read. I wish I would have read it sooner.

[jeminijad]

I am TTC #2, who will be a homebirth baby (barring true medical problems.)

I decided to HB for slightly different reasons... mostly, that what is done with a newborn in standard hospital procedure is terrible and wrong and traumatic. Vigorous suction, left to scream alone under a bright light on a cold scale, taken to the nursery where someone who does not love them gives them a very rough bath, crap is put in their eyes, and if you don't watch it they'll be given formula.

Yes, there are baby friendly hospitals, but I am not interested in fighting at birth time. I want my baby to have a peaceful and healthy entry into the world.

I do trust my body... it has never let me down, when I treat it right. I trust the midwife I'll use, and my fears about what could go wrong at home are far less than my fears about what WILL go wrong in the hospital.

[HappyMommy2]

What convinced my hubby was asking the midwife exactly what all the worst-case-scarios were, and exactly what she would do in each case. She had a plan, and mentioned that almost all of them weren't "urgent" and would give us plenty of time to get to the hospital if necessary.

Turns out, he just wanted to hear her say that we would go to the hospital if necessary. He thought I had gone over the edge and would stay home even if the baby or I was in danger. The MW said she had nothing to prove, and if the hosp was necessary, that is what we would do.

Of course, I later made sure that we would do everything in our power to avoid that hospital!!! And she agreed, of course. She had over 700 births and said the most common reason was mama-exhaustion. Not something dire.

But it is the unknown that is scary. So getting the list of 5-10 potential birth/labor issues, and learning exactly what our plan was, made him totally on board.

Oh! Plus he found this article on his own at the doc office, so he valued it higher than the research I had done. (go figure) Google on "utne drugs knives midwives".

Good luck mama! Lots of us here have HBACs ... so ask away!

[emnic77]

how did you decide that homebirth was the right decision for you? How do you get passed all the what if fears? And how do you convince a husband who worries alot about the birth that it is a safe choice? Also I'm in RI and maybe I'm wrong but I don't think this is a friendly homebirth state, any one have a hb in RI? could you tell me about your experience? and can I get my insurance to cover a hb in RI?

I can't answer the RI questions as I'm in MA, but for everything else:

My decision to homebirth came because simply, the benefits outweigh the risks. I had two hospital births, with my second, I got there at 8cm, and left 13 hours later when DS was 10 hours old. There was just no reason to be there, at all. I would not have been "allowed" to leave because of GBS+/refusing abx status, but there were no beds for us. I couldn't wait to get home and we couldn't figure out why we bothered with the hospital at all. I've done this twice before and have no reason to believe I can't do it again, at home. I hate having to fight with everyone about the "standard" crap...eye goop, Hep B vaccines, a prompt bath..it's just dumb and a waste of time.

The what-if fears, for me, were mostly just a responsibility issue. Am I willing to take on the responsibility that follows for making a homebirth choice? Yes. The "what if" fears are more related to hospital birthing for me than homebirthing, and most "what if" scenarios are valid whether you're considering a homebirth or a hospital birth. It's just a question of where the responsibility lies if something goes wrong. No one questions you if you're in a hospital and something goes wrong, even if it was a bad choice on your part or a bad intervention on the dr's part that contributed to the bad outcome. At home? You're on your own. You have to be willing to accept that.

Husband convincing - mine took none. He hated our hospital experience and basically has said if we had to go to the hospital again and arguing about stupid mundane "policy" crap, he'd end up punching someone. He watched The Business of Being Born, which strengthened his position, and asked our midwife lots of questions as well. He's quite the homebirth proponent, though, and didn't take any convincing so I can't really answer that one.

I'm sure you'll get lots of great feedback here

[Paige, CPM]

Oh, you did post here first! LOL!

And to help your husband understand where you are coming from...I second showing the Business of Being Born first and then having your husband meet with a homebirth midwife to discuss scenarios / fears. Also, an excellent read is PUSHED by Jennifer Block.

[laughymama]

how did you decide that homebirth was the right decision for you?

It made sense to us. We had one hospital birth, typical cascade of intervention, unnecessary induction, awful reaction to the epidural..etc..etc. It was terrifying, traumatizing and frankly I felt unsafe and vulnerable in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers. I never wanted to be in that situation again when my body was doing something so sacred and intense. I wanted a peaceful environment with familiar faces. I wanted to feel safe and secure and okay with being vulnerable.

The benefits of being at home outweigh the risks when we look at it.
I lurked FOREVER on this board. I read homebirth stories, transfer stories, threads on ultrasound, placentas, legal problems...etc. Just basically everything you can think of that has been discussion on here, I searched for and read the threads.
Honestly, I find MDC to be my biggest resource or at least my richest one. It's my go-to place when I need directed to resources for the answers to my questions. It helped me make my decision and figure out if birthing at home was truly the way that fit best for me.

How do you get passed all the what if fears?

Birthing at home brought on less 'what if' fears than birthing at the hospital did. So it was easier to really come to terms with my anxieties with this impending birth than it was with my first. For me, home is safer.
What really helped was knowing that if there were any reason to have an emergency c-section, it can take up to 30 minutes to prep an OR anyway so being at the hospital would not make it any safer than being at home since I would still be waiting.
I was also comforted by talking to my midwife about her transfer rate and the reasons for those transfers. She was very matter of fact and helped ease my mind when I was really racing through all those "but what if..." questions.

And how do you convince a husband who worries alot about the birth that it is a safe choice?

Research, research, research. The Business of Being Born helped and we would also sit together and I would read passages or statistics I found interesting or upsetting. We looked at all the facts together. We read stories from many of the moms on here together. Then we really just kept an ongoing discussion about it. He feels just as confident as I do about the decision to birth at home. He feels safer and much more reassured about my safety and our child's.
I might not be the best to answer this question though. My husband is very open minded and to him homebirth made sense immediately so I didn't have to do much 'convincing'.

What really helps me when I start to worry or feel a bit anxious, I come to MDC or go to a couple of other resources I have and reading more really helps me feel reassured again and very certain in my decision.

My midwife is also one of my greatest assets. She's amazing and her straight forward attitude and her confidence helps ME feel more confident.