My will against my 4yo's. WWYD?

[wookie]

So I have an **extremely** picky eater. He will not try anything new at this point. Nothing new. Period. Nothing old even if it LOOKS new. So since last 2 days I've been wanting him to try some carrot soup. I've told him he doesn't have to eat more than a spoonful. Even just have a lick. He's refused. Now the hard part: I've been witholding his favourite TV show till he tries it. It came out when I was out of options and I've kind of had to stick with it since then, yk? I'm feeling like it's become my battle against him. I don't like food power struggles but I'm feeling defeated as to how to widen his palate. It's not like I'm asking him to try gourmet (weird) combination food or anything but I also don't want him to view food as a (undesired) trade-off for something fun. I know this isn't the best approach but

a) How do I go back at this point without setting a precedent?
b) How the heck do I get nutrients into him?

[dachshundqueen]

At 4, and depending on his comprehension levels, have you had an honest discussion with him on how what he eats affects his health? At some point, if he continues to be extraordinarily picky he may need some form of vitamin supplements and those don't always taste so good. Blood work for vitamin deficiencies isn't fun either.

When I explain to my children why we have to do certain things, it sometimes allows them to see that I'm not railroading them but it is truly in their best interest. Even my 2.5 year old can often be reasoned with in this manner.

Explain how trying new foods both increases the good nutrition he receives and allows his body to work properly. He may not realize how bad he feels as he's become used to this limited intake, or he may have undiagnosed food sensitivities. As an example, my 2.5 yo won't touch straight milk (he says it hurts his stomach), but will happily take yogurt or cheese.

Liz

[wookie]

I've tried explaining in the past and he says he doesn't want to grow tall or strong :roll i've tried putting the fear of the doctor man in him but i guess until i follow through he doesn't care. maybe i'll just have to wait for him to outgrow this. *sigh*

[mysticmomma]

Sometimes kids just don't venture out. I would talk about nutrition, sure. Mention the vitamins in the food and what they do for his body. I wouldn't withhold priveledges because he doesn't want to experiment. What DOES he eat? Why are you so concerned about his nutrient intake. If he is only eating oreos and cheese pizza I can understand, otherwise... I think you need to back off a little (I mean that kindly,). I would have a heartfelt conversation about exactly what you posted here. "I am worried about your growing body and the nutrition it's getting. I thought you would give in if I took away your favorite xyz. Now I feel like I have to keep it away so you know I mean what I say, but I think it's silly now that I've had some time to think about it. I've changed my mind. you can have xyz, but lets work on the foods we give your body and talk about it more." IME, kids respond to a humble heart and appreciate the fact that we make mistakes and own up to it.

[mysticmomma]

Oh dear, please don't use doctors as a threat! What happens when he falls and breaks his arm and NEEDS a physician? Doctors, police officers, etc are our friends and help us when we need it... not bad guys with more power to enforce rules than mom.

[Nillarilla]

I don't know how you take back the withholding the tv show. Probably not the best method but I would just offer something else for lunch and if the tv show is regularly allowed just turn it on as usual not mentioning the soup. Then I would just not use the show as leverage to get him to eat a new food again.
Have you tried involving him in the cooking process or the preparing process? Don't even mention the eating part of it. You could make it a learning experience. For example if you want him to try carrots you could show him all the ways to cook them or how to leave them raw and then ask which he would like to do for dinner. Then show him all the things to dip them in or put on them and ask him which he would like to use on the table that night. Then just sit down to dinner as usual he may surprise you. My ds (4) will try all sorts of new things if he had a hand in making it. I also let him pick one new thing from the fresh produce section every time we go shopping. Then we look up how to prepare it.
I've also used the reverse psychology of "You absolutely don't want to put that in your mouth it will be YUCKY!" He then proceeds to put it in his mouth and I say "Don't you dare chew and swallow that!" and he does. He thinks this is hilarious.
The other idea is to hide the nutrients in things he already eats. There are lots of ways to do this without him tasting it. Like avocado is hidden really well in chocolate pudding. Squash can be cooked into lots of different muffins and cookies. You can puree a bunch of veggies into a tomato sauce and it will still be smooth.

I would also start just putting the new foods onto his plate with what he usually eats. I wouldn't ask him to eat it I would just put it there. That way you have given him the option and he can choose.

[Super~Single~Mama]

My "little" brother (he's 22 now) is an extremely picky eater. My mom's solution? "If you don't want what I made everyone for dinner, you can help yourself to something healthy in the fridge."

He ate LOTS of PB&J growing up. And now he's still picky, but has widened his palate considerably since then, b/c you know what? Sometimes he didn't feel like making his own, and he didn't want to go hungry either. He's even going to visit Korea this summer and we're all joking about what he's going to eat while he's there!

[wookie]

^^ thank you. we're vegetarian so i feel our diet is limited anyway. however, he's healthy, happy, and growing so it's not like he isnt gettng anything. i feel badabout denying him sthg thats nmot even related to the issue so i'm going to take ur advice and give in. hopefully he'll still know i mean what i say. he eats bread (ww), strawberries, banana, lentils, most nuts and 1-2 other food that escape me right now.

[dachshundqueen]

It's not a threat unless you make it one. If my children were eating so poorly and with such a limited diet that I was truly concerned about them, I would most certainly take them in to the doctor not to enforce my "will" but rather establish what to do and how to bridge the gap in the short term until the children were eating better and rule out other problems that could be causing such a limited intake (sensory problems, food sensitivities or allergies, or some other underlying illness). My children don't consider the doctor a treacherous place to be and understand the doctor's role in their lives.

Liz

[alegna]

Good luck. I have a strong-willed, limited-diet (by her choice) kid and I have not really found anything that makes much progress. Since she's been 5 I can OCCASIONALLY bribe/bargain for her to try something.... but not very often.

-Angela

[dachshundqueen]

Originally Posted by wookie

^^ thank you. we're vegetarian so i feel our diet is limited anyway. however, he's healthy, happy, and growing so it's not like he isnt gettng anything. i feel badabout denying him sthg thats nmot even related to the issue so i'm going to take ur advice and give in. hopefully he'll still know i mean what i say. he eats bread (ww), strawberries, banana, lentils, most nuts and 1-2 other food that escape me right now.

If he likes bananas and strawberries, how about trying a smoothie?

Or how about gardening, even container gardening?

[mysticmomma]

A vegetarian diet shouldn't feel limited! It sounds like he eats a lot of good nutritious food. what about smoothies? head on over to the veg forum for some menu ideas! My dd went weeks were she only ate greenbeans! But, since they were greenbeans adn not doritos I jsut let it ride.

[Alyantavid]

I'd drop it completely. Make food, making sure there's at least something he likes there, and don't worry about it. Right now you're in a power struggle and if he's anything like my almost 4 year old, he push right back. So make it a non-issue for now.

My kids help alot with food. Planning, cooking, everything. They love helping in the garden and have found several veggies they really do like once we planted and grew them. I'd start with having him help in the kitchen and see how it goes from there.

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by mysticmomma

Oh dear, please don't use doctors as a threat! What happens when he falls and breaks his arm and NEEDS a physician? Doctors, police officers, etc are our friends and help us when we need it... not bad guys with more power to enforce rules than mom.

I agree, esp. since it's an empty threat--like any doctor or cop is going to be able or willing to pry open the child's mouth, fling soup into it, hold it closed and blow in his face (like a cat) until the child swallows.

OP, to be honest I would admit your frustration and hurt to your son. Not in a guilt trippy way, but an honest, simple one. Then tell him you're recinding the punishment because you understand that he's the one who decides if he's going to eat something, and you really don't want anyone to think they have to eat anything they don't want to. (if you do in general agree with that premise) If you're going to have any luck at all, I think probably it will happen when he has some degree of choice, not someone arbitrarily deciding what he MUST try.

Does he have some medical issues? Will he take a vitamin?

Gotta tell you...I wouldn't bet your will against any four year old child's for a million dollars. So I think you're going to have to rethink this. Otherwise you *will* turn every mealtime into a battle of the wills which is probably only going to shrink his list of acceptable foods once he sees how that pushes your buttons and gives him more power.

Food is emotional, I so totally get that. But I think you need to think of big picture, realistic goals. As in, I want to introduce 5 new foods this year (notice, this is introduce, not force down the gullet). He will try this carrot soup (does he like raw carrots? That's a pretty weird and offputting "new" texture, even though I personally LOVE carrot soup, I can't picture two of my kids eating it in the first couple introductions either!) is really probably not a big picture, realistic goal.

[dachshundqueen]

I'm not sure why everyone considers my statements about going to the doctor threats that seems really odd to me. A doctor isn't going to force something down a child's throat as some of you seem to be suggesting or try to scare a child (not any doctor that I'm taking my kids to) but a severely limited diet can produce deficiencies, iron or B6 come to mind, that do need to be addressed especially considering that the child eats a very limited vegetarian diet.

Liz

[mysticmomma]

Originally Posted by wookie

i've tried putting the fear of the doctor man in him but i guess until i follow through he doesn't care. maybe i'll just have to wait for him to outgrow this. *sigh*

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen

I'm not sure why everyone considers my statements about going to the doctor threats that seems really odd to me.

Liz

I wasn't referring to you liz. If the kids is otherwise healthy, growing, and happy I'm not worried if he only eats beans nuts and strawberries for a few months. Going to the doctor if something seems off is fine!

[dachshundqueen]

Originally Posted by mysticmomma

I wasn't referring to you liz. If the kids is otherwise healthy, growing, and happy I'm not worried if he only eats beans nuts and strawberries for a few months. Going to the doctor if something seems off is fine!

Thanks for pointing that out - must've missed it! (I'm feeling really craptastic today after 2 nights of interrupted sleep.)

Liz

[One_Girl]

I think that you should let it go. I don't think telling him you have changed his mind about not letting him watch tv until he licks up a dot of soup is going to ruin your parenting. I think that getting into a big struggle over a small amount of food that he is probably going to hate because of the struggle is silly and it doesn't hurt to tell your child that you are sorry you are pushing a silly issue. I have had to do this with dd too when I make silly proclomations. It hasn't undermined me in any way. I think it helps her see that everyone makes mistakes and how to go about correcting a mistake that affects another person.

My dd didn't have a wide range of foods she liked for a long time. I focused on feeding her healthy food she did like and introducing new things by putting a little bit of them on her plate but not forcing her to eat anything. She has expanded her horizons a lot since she was four and has a much wider food base that she will eat from. One thing that really helped was to space out meals at least three hours after snack time so she was hungry but not starving. When she is hungry she will eat a wider variety of food without fuss. If she isn't hungry or if she is starving she is much pickier.

[mysticmomma]

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen

Thanks for pointing that out - must've missed it! (I'm feeling really craptastic today after 2 nights of interrupted sleep.)

Liz

hope tonight is better!

[ssh]

Making food an issue often makes things worse. Picky eaters often eat even less is anxiety is thrown into the situation. And trying to force or withhold food during childhood can give people issues with food as adults.

Your job is to provide nutritious food. Only buy what you want your family to eat. And actually deciding what to eat and eating is your DSs job. If you're worried about nutrition then try giving supplements also smoothies are a good idea.