Can an absentee dad force a name change?

[*MamaJen*]

I'm helping a fellow single mama of a five month old baby. She and her ex were never married. He was absent through almost all of the pregnancy, saw the baby maybe five times in the first couple months, and has been AWOL since then. She actively encouraged supervised visitation, but wouldn't let him do unsupervised visitation since he has a bad criminal history and runs with a really bad crowd. He started skipping arranged visitation dates, then dropped off the map. She doesn't know his number or where he lives.
His parents are kind of wealthy enablers who cover for him. She tried to file for child support a few months ago, but they couldn't locate him and he was never served. His dad called her, yelled at her and scared her, and she dropped the child support idea.
Then last week, out of the blue, she got served with papers. He was asking for full custody and also temporary custody, demanding that she pay child support, and also demanding that the baby's last name be changed to his. It's pretty obviously an attempt to harass her out of filing for child support, since he's said overtly and made it clear through his actions that he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby.
We talked to a lawyer friend of mine and she went to a legal aide clinic to get some advice. It looks like her income is right over the line to qualify for free legal aide, so while she's trying to find a lawyer, I'm helping her write a request for continuance.
I think we've got the basics under control, but she's really worried that the court will order her baby's name changed to that of a drug dealer who she is convinced will just drop out of her baby's life. The lawyer at the legal aide clinic said the court actually honors most name changes that the father requests. Is that true? We're in Texas, if that matters.

[cycle]

That seems obnoxious that a court would honor a name change of a dead beat dad, not paying child support. I can't imagine that. Is he on the birth certificate? I actually think the name change would be the least of her worries, I can't imagine them honoring that given his history. If he is on the BC he signed off on the name, if he isn't he has to go through the process of proving paternity and getting his name on the BC.

[Avani]

My understanding is name change has to be mutual. Both parties need to agree. If i were her i would be more worried about him getting custody/visitation over a name change. He sounds like a scary man. Good luck.

[*MamaJen*]

Thanks. Yeah, for sure we're more worried in general about the custody issue, but I think we've got that under control for now. She's doesn't think the court would yank the child away from her right away, but she's just worried that the name change is one thing that the judge would grant.
I know they have paternity established -- he wanted to go through a private company rather than the AG. Not sure if he's on the birth certificate, though.
I just feel so bad for her. It's such an incredibly stressful thing to go through. Sure, my ex can be a UAV in his own special way, but overall he's reasonable and he loves the baby and wants what's best for him. Her ex is just scary and malicious. It makes me so mad because he's trying to terrorize her and make her feel like she doesn't have any power in this situation and is at his mercy.
We're going to sit down this afternoon and write the response, and then fax it to an attorney friend of mine to check it over.

[Avani]

I hope the terrorizing is being well documented. Any police records etc would be good too. Of course the judge won't take the baby away but i'm sure visitation will be awarded. That's where the police records and proof of terrorizing would be good. Also has she gotten a restraining order?

[*MamaJen*]

Yep, she's documenting everything. He's really playing classic mind games with her, being alternately nice and cruel, like, filing for full custody and child support and then calling her a few days later saying he wants to give her money after not paying child support for months. She doesn't have a restraining order against him.
She's actively tried to facilitate supervised visitation, at her house and at his parents house, and she's fine with that. She's just worried about unsupervised visitation. He hasn't actually tried to see the baby in the last two months. He's not on the birth certificate but paternity has been established.
We got the answer and the petition for continence written up today, and an attorney friend of mine took a look at them and said they looked okay. My friend got a recommendation for a really good attorney who sometimes takes clients on a sliding scale, so hopefully that will work out. In the meantime, she's filing the answer and continence tomorrow and that buys a little time.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Don't know where you are, but I think my state follows the general rules...I'd be hugely surprised to see a judge allow one parent to unilaterally force a name change. It's the same as if the mother wanted to change the child's last name after the dad disappeared. It's really difficult to do without both parents in agreement even if one parent disappeared.

If he wasn't there when the birth certificate was filled out, he lost his vote!

ps. Quicky search...if she's in Texas, then the rules are to prove that it's in the child's best interest to do it. I would be super surprised if the judge would agree to a petition from the non-custodial, not particularly involved, parent when the custodial parent objects.
http://www.texasnamechangelaw.com/laws.asp

[LoveOhm]

In my state (CA) if a name change is requested and is a point of contention between the parents with regard to the last name the judge will often give the child both names unless you give compelling reasons why it's harmful otherwise.

Honestly that seems like only a minor issue compared to the rest! Best of luck to her I know this must all be stressful.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by *MamaJen*

She's actively tried to facilitate supervised visitation, at her house and at his parents house, and she's fine with that. She's just worried about unsupervised visitation.

woah this could be a potential can of worms.

who is going to supervise?

at her house i can see things going badly if she is the one doing the supervising. esp. with him being malicious.

at his parents house - if they are enablors and equally mean to her will her child be properly supervised? would they not just leave the baby with the father and not focus on supervision.

[Sharlla]

Well I dont' think that they can force a name change since they aren't married. I know for a fact that you have to have both parents agree to a name change here for it to be done.