When do they loose trust in adults, and how?

[AllisonR]

In the last month DS has quite a few times said "You are cheating. All adults in the whole world cheat." sometimes he says "All adults in the whole world lie." If I ask him what DH or I cheated or lied about, he gives a reason such as "because candy is not unhealthy" and I will say something like "a little candy is not unhealthy. But yes, if you eat a lot of candy, then it is unhealthy" and he will just repeat that I it is not true and I am lying and all adults lie...

I feel someone, an adult, has lied or cheated him in some profound way, though I can't figure out whom or about what. I also figure this is a natural 5 yo stage as he is finding out that adults are not omnipotent and fallible.

Not sure if I am actually asking anything here. Maybe just sad.

[LaurieG]

[One_Girl]

He may be testing this out to see if it gets him what he wants. I know it is hard to think that a kid this age would make emotions up, but my dd used to practice in the bathroom and talk about the different things she did to get what she wants with her friends. It is really normal for people to try to get what they want in many different ways and since he is young he most likely doesn't realize that this is an inappropriate way.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

He may be testing this out to see if it gets him what he wants. I know it is hard to think that a kid this age would make emotions up, but my dd used to practice in the bathroom and talk about the different things she did to get what she wants with her friends. It is really normal for people to try to get what they want in many different ways and since he is young he most likely doesn't realize that this is an inappropriate way.

I agree, to me it sounds like he's just trying to get you to give him candy.

My DD is 3.5 and seriously she is starting to try all kinds of behaviors like that. She's called me "mean mommy" to see if I'll give her something to be nice mommy, it's just the way it is.

[meemee]

yes you are right. they are discovering the world does NOT revolve around them and so is trying to hold on to whatever little he has.

it is also the age of drama big time. my dd has said things which hugely upset me till later when we talked about it she didnt quite mean it. at that moment in anger it did feel to her the whole world had given up on her but later as her anger and frustration calmed down she was able to go back to what she really thought.

however with teh candy battle i have had dd pig out after warning it really hurts the tummy. she didnt buy it but later after a stomach ache she herself drew the line.

dont worry soon he will say 'why are YOU ALWAYS the boss of me.' or 'why do i ALWAYS HAVE to listen to what YOU say.'

i too really think he wants more candy. i recall at that age dd did eat lots more candy (i feel sugar is related to brain development) and i didnt restrict it too much. i of course also NEVER had candy at home. by about 6 she was done with it. today i have candy in teh house. she may eat once in a while but not quite the same way when she was 4 and 5. the last time we bought candy was during easter. she is 7 1/2. i even for the first time ever bought her junky cereal - lucky charms. oh it was sooo much fun to see her be excited over it. a week later she has finished maybe one quarter of the box of lucky charms and is on her second box of cheerios.

i really do think its an age thingy.

[LaurieG]

Okay, coming back to offer something more useful. It is so sad when little guys start to see the darker side of things, isn't it?

I think at this age they are still very much in the world of concrete thinking - in their mind things are either black or white, healthy or unhealthy. There are no exceptions. So to say "candy is unhealthy" and then allow it sometime is confusing. My DS went through the same thing awhile back. He probably does want more candy but I don't think he's making up this idea that all adults lie as a way to manipulate. IDK, you would have a better idea knowing your kid and the way he says it. But more likely all the grey areas adults have is confusing him and he is trying to make sense of it. I think the positive thing is that soon he will start to understand the shades of grey in the world and hopefully will re-assess this conclusion and find it is not true after all. Unless, of course, you're first thought that someone has violated his trust in a profound way is true.

ETA: I also agree with the pp's that at this age things seem like "always" when they are actually just occassionally. My 7 yr old still does that so I'm not sure when that ends. Come to think of it, maybe never. If I'm upset enough I still do it - LOL.

[MissSJ]

Originally Posted by LaurieG

<snip>

ETA: I also agree with the pp's that at this age things seem like "always" when they are actually just occassionally. My 7 yr old still does that so I'm not sure when that ends. Come to think of it, maybe never. If I'm upset enough I still do it - LOL.

I totally agree with this. When I don't let ds1 have a snack (for example when I am making a meal) he says "You never let me eat, you never feed me." Rest assured, he is constantly being given food! He also says "why do I always have to clean and never get to play?" which is absurd since I don't ask him to clean up very often.

BTW- ds1 is 5

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by meemee

yes you are right. they are discovering the world does NOT revolve around them and so is trying to hold on to whatever little he has.....

it is also the age of drama big time....

however with teh candy battle i have had dd pig out after warning it really hurts the tummy. she didnt buy it but later after a stomach ache she herself drew the line.

My DD is already all about the drama, she's been dramatic for much of her life. The young childhood years are bringing out in full effect. She also is learning that the world does not revolve around her(after the birth of her brother last fall). For her that lesson has been a really good one.

On the candy from we had the exact same thing happen to us. A few weeks ago we went to a party and it was a freaking candy free-for all. The IL's have no boundaries on candy and think of me as the sugar free mom Our DD gets super spazzed from sugar. At the party she had nothing but junk to eat, we kept saying you need to eat. She only ate cake, candy-crap. When we got home she proceeded throw up, it was a great learning lesson for her. I mean I don't want her getting sick, but it sure was a defining moment in our reasoning on why candy and such can be bad.