Losing faith in my body

[OvenSeeksBun]

I love the idea of homebirth. Ever since it first caught my attention, everything I've read about homebirth tells me that it's right. I believe that our bodies were designed to give birth naturally, and under the right circumstances you shouldn't need a hospital. BUT...

When DH and I were dating, we were both virgins. When we finally decided we were ready to have intercourse, I *couldn't* - far too painful. This went on for about 5 years (until several months after our wedding). I was diagnosed with "vaginismus" prescribed muscle relaxers, sent for couselling in case the problem was psychological, told by a gynecologist that everything is normal - I should just go home, drink some wine, watch some porn, use lots of lube and force it

We solved the problem on our own, with time and lots of persistence (looking back, I think there was something wrong with my hymen) In any case...

Now we've been trying to conceive for over a year and a half. We're both young and healthy. I'm working with a naturopath while we await our July 9th appointment with a fertility clinic. But my question is this: how can I trust my body to give birth naturally, when it can't seem to conceive or even have sex naturally??

[Mama2010]

My husband and I TTC for 3.5 years before getting pregnant with this baby. We had been to fertility specialists, tried different kinds of medicines, IUIs, etc. We were told at one point that we would not get pregnant without IVF. It was devastating and I felt completely broken (mentally and physically). I had NO faith in my body and felt stripped of my femininity because I couldn't get pregnant. We decided we would stop actively trying and save money for IVF or adoption and a few months later I was (shockingly) pregnant. I think my body just needed me to get my head out of TTC, it just needed to be left alone to do it's thing. That said here I am 9 months later still trying to have faith in my body after years of having that faith stripped away, so I know it isn't easy.

I think the thing that has helped me the most is finding a really great midwife that has helped me rebuild my confidence in my body. I find that doctors aren't as sensitive and seem to think that they are the key to a healthy baby and birth experience. I also think just experiencing pregnancy itself has helped rebuild my confidence (and I am sure it will for you to, because it WILL happen). When you see all the changes your body goes through and how YOU (not you doctor) can grow a healthy, active baby it makes you realize that you aren't broken.

I don't really know if that answers your question or helps at all. I just want you that I understand how you feel and I think it's possible to trust your body despite going through infertility and other challenges. HUGS

[S.Elise]

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